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Today in Technology: Apple TVs and Cheap, Cheap Tablets

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High End: Now that everyone seems pretty certain that Apple is going to make a TV, commentators are beginning to wonder what that TV will look like, and how Apple will try to change the television industry the way they changed the music industry. Nick Bilton of the New York Times says that Siri will be integral:

It’s the stuff of science fiction. You sit on your couch and rather than fumble with several remotes or use hand gestures, you simply talk: “Put on the last episode of Gossip Girl.” “Play the local news headlines.” “Play some Coldplay music videos.” Siri does the rest.

And Gruber says that channels will be the new apps:

Imagine watching a baseball game on a TV where ESPN is a smart app, not a dumb channel. When you’re watching a game, you could tell the TV to show you the career statistics for the current batter. You could ask the HBO app which other movies this actress has been in. Point is: it’d be better for both viewers and the networks1 if a TV “channel” were an interactive app rather than a mere single stream of video.

If Apple is going to do this, they're going to have to hit the biggest home run in the history of the company, which is really saying something. It's going to have to be so simple, we won't believe we ever used those dumb old stone-age TVs we're using today.

Low End: VentureBeat has a look at India's new $60 tablet. It's intended for educational purposes, and it doesn't look half bad!


Some kid who uses this thing will wind up changing the world one day.

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FOX and DirecTV Reach Deal: There WILL be an "American Horror Story Chitty-Chat Club" this Week!

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As I briefly mentioned last week, News Corp. (Rupert Murdoch's gang of shitheels) went toe-to-toe with DirecTV (my overpriced satellite provider) over carrier fees which DTV claimed were so high they were going to drop all of News Corp. programming—which most importantly included FX which carries It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and the current best show on TV, American Horror Story. Naturally both sides were being big effing tubby crybabies, refusing to budge, and were furiously negotiating all the way up until last night's midnight deadline when DTV would supposedly pull the stations out of their lineup.

And as it turns out? They reached an agreement—and according to Deadline, we all have "Halloween" to thank:

No information on the financials of the deal was released. DirecTV previously claimed that Fox was seeking a 40% hike, something the other side dismissed as ridiculous. According to sources, Fox has landed a healthy double-digit license fee increases in the new deal, which was closed early because all executives involved have small children and had to go do trick-or-treating.

Yet another reason why Halloween is great, and Christians who hate Halloween are stupid. See you Thursday for our weekly "American Horror Story Chitty-Chat Club!"

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Walter White is the 99%

Charlie Day's SNL Promos (and a dead mouse)

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The verrrrrry funny star of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (that would be Charlie Day) hosts this weekend's edition of Saturday Night Live. Here's his verrrrrrry funny promos for the show he shot with Horrible Bosses co-star Jason Sudeikis and a potentially dead mouse.


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Is Conan "Pushing" Gay Marriage "Envelope"? 100% of Media Say "Yes!"

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As you may have heard, Conan O'Brien is about to "push the late-night envelope" by officiating a gay marriage onstage during one of this week's New York-based episodes. (Pro tip: The couple are getting hitched in NYC because California still hates gay people.) Anyway here is a heeeelarious Conan clip featuring a supercut of the media reacting to the announcement. (Pro tip: Apparently, as mentioned earlier, he's really "pushing the envelope.")


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Red-Band Trailer for Remember 21 Jump Street?

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Okay fine it's just called 21 Jump Street. Full Jump Street-related disclosure: I do not remember the original 21 Jump Street, as it was on at a time when I was in fifth grade and more focused on Tiny Toon Adventures. However! I kinda like the look of this one, mostly because apparently I think it's hilarious when people get stabbed and don't even notice it? More movies should have that happen.




Anyway, who does remember the old-school 21 Jump Street? Weigh in below; I'm curious to hear how people think this one might compare. I am already predicting someone will be really grumpy about this trailer's distinct lack of moping.

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Recaps for Poor People: NBC Thursdays. (Some of it, anyhow.)

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Hi, it’s Joneser again. I spent last night enjoying adult beverages and watching television. I think I got so excited about the shows that I drank too much. No guarantees on the accuracy of this post. But here we go!

Community

This show is always such a fucking wild card. Like, why not base an episode around a big gay rave and getting kidnapped by John Goodman? Fuckin’ a. Black Hitler. Sure.

Pierce has become a hero to gays because he makes wipes (go with it). Pierce is a really despicable guy, and the internet tells me that Chevy Chase is as well, so his story arcs are always a little pshaw to me, but last night’s was funny because the Hawthornes are racist and racism is hilarious! Wait. No. But yes. How does this show do this? I want their drugs.

Troy gets kidnapped by John Goodman and is forced to decide between a life of plumbing or air conditioning repair. (I wrote GAME OF THRONES! in my notes, which made sense at the time.) Fact #1: Troy and Abed’s friendship is the best male friendship on tv these days. Fact #2: the funniest thing on the show this season is Inspector Spacetime. Lulz abound. There isn’t much more to go over because this show is pretty silly.

P&R and more after this jump!

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Triumph the Insult Comic Dog on Occupy Wall Street (Which is There for Him to Poop on)


The Walking Dead Chitty-Chat Club!

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Good morning zombies, and the people who like to bash zombies in the brains with shovels and/or baseball bats! It's time for The Walking Dead Chitty-Chat Club, where members discuss last night's episode, and argue vociferously over the most appropriate methods of decapitating the undead. My thoughts and spoilers lie after the jump, and your smarty-pants comments and observations lie in the comments! So get your Louisville Slugger and LET'S DO THIS.

Oh! Right! Send the Asian guy down the well!
  • "Oh! Right! Send the Asian guy down the well!"

Courtesy AMC

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Spot the Fake Homeless Person!

Confidential to Grimm Production People

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Re: "Spot the Fake Homeless Person."

THANK YOU FOR CLEANING OUT THE TOP BOWL OF SKIDMORE FOUNTAIN! As promised, we will refrain from airhorning your show for the entirety of your first season. (P.S. You missed that can of Old Milwaukie, though.)

UPDATE: Thank you for getting the Old Milwaukie can! You know, there's a pile of filthy underpants that's been sitting in the corner of my office for weeks...

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Today in Bizarre TV: Check Out The Heart, She Holler

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If you're looking for the strangest, most hilarious and politically incorrect comedy on TV today, look no further than the awesome new miniseries on Adult Swim, The Heart, She Holler. Starring Patton Oswalt, Kristen Schaal (Flight of the Conchords), and comedian Heather Lawless, The Heart, She Holler is a devastating parody of those Southern Gothic horror flicks of the '70s filled with creepy people doing creepy things and having creepy sex. Little wonder then that this was dreamed up by the bizarro brains behind my fave comedy ever, Wonder Showzen, which means I can't recommend it highly enough. It's on Adult Swim at 12:30 am all this week, and there are only SIX episodes, so jump on it!

Here's part one of The Heart, She Holler in which the recently dead Boss Hoss Heartshe introduces members of his inbred family, and reveals some very surprising surprises at his funeral.

See Patton Oswalt as the imprisoned (and extremely hairy) hidden son and Boss Hoss Heartshe's evil plan for regaining control of the "holler" in the even funnier part 2 of The Heart, She Holler after the jump!

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The American Horror Story Chitty-Chat Club!

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It was another terrific episode of American Horror Story last night—still reigning as the best show currently running on TV. In fact, I may even vote this one as the most creep-tastic yet! While it may not have had the jumps or jokes so prominently displayed in past episodes, "Piggy Piggy" was by far the most unsettling. More thoughts and spoilers from me after the jump—and please hop into the comments with your own theories and/or bad dreams caused by this episode.

POW! What? Oh great. Its not even loaded.
  • Courtesy FX
  • "POW! What? Oh great. It's not even loaded."

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Recaps for Poor People Who Are Also Kind of Tired Today.

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Hello, friends. I had fun with some of you last night but now my head is ouchy and I’m pretty sure that my computer screen is launching knives into my eyeballs, so I’m going to make this short.

Community

So last night’s episode showed us that Annie is moving in with Troy and Abed. Typical Britta goes all buzzkiller and warns Annie that it will mess up their friendship. But she’s right because Troy and Abed are basically giant children who have eaten too much candy and also might have development problems (is that the polite way to say re-re?). They suggest Annie live in a fort rather than the empty bedroom that they call the Dreamatorium. Meanwhile, Pierce gets fucked up off paint fumes and his drug fantasies are so awesome. I should get into paint fumes.

I really, really appreciate that this show can be so weird and theme-y but then go back to have relatable characters who do and talk about normal things. Big ups to Community.

P&R in the jump. Do it!

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Community: More Shitty Than it Thinks?

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If you haven't noticed, B-town regular Joneser has been doing a kick-ass job recapping Community and Parks and Recreation every Friday. And while many express undying love for P&R... Community is kind of an odd duck isn't it? And perhaps because of that, NBC has announced it's "benching" the comedy for an indefinite period of time (uh-oh) which inspired this funny OccupyNBC movement. Anyway, this begs the question: What did Community do wrong (if anything)? Here are some thoughts on that very subject from half-fan and Atlantic writer Richard Lawson:

Good grief did it become awfully impenetrable awfully fast. It didn't take long for all of the quirk and cutesiness and sly winking to pile up into a wall that was likely too high to climb for many a new viewer. And it certainly doesn't help that that wall is slathered in a coat of daunting smugness. Again, the show is fun and witty once you figure your way into it, but it takes a while, and many a fickle TV viewer just isn't willing to put in that time. The show needs (needed?) to be a little less into itself, a little bit less of an inward-facing nerd knot, if they hope (hoped?) to bring in new viewers. We're not saying the show has to dumb itself down, it just has to be more welcoming, it needs a least a few occasional access points. A deliberately obscure Star Wars reference followed by a self-satisfied smirk just isn't going to cut it.

Calling all Community lovers and loathers! Agree? Disagree? Your opinion is needed on this critical subject!

In somewhat related P&R news: Will there be an "Occupy Pawnee"?

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American Horror Story Chitty-Chat Club!

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Weee-hooo! It was another ridiculously campy, sex-filled romp on last night's American Horror Story... and if you're not watching it? Get on the bus, yo! It's the best goddamn show currently running! As per usual, check out my spoilerific thoughts after the jump, or hop right into the comments if you like! Let's light this candle!

I dont know... Im hungry for Persian tonight.
  • Courtesy FX
  • "I don't know... I'm hungry for Persian tonight."

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Thursday Night TV Recaps (for Poor People): TV Stresses Me Out Sometimes

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Hello, friends. Big week for some beloved network shows! Let’s get into it.

Community

Last night’s episode was about filming a new TV commercial for Greendale Community College. (The old ad, filmed in the early 90s, was a great, shitty mash-up of the Blossom and Clarissa Explains it All intros. I liked them.) Dean gets way into filming the new spot, and casts the study group because of their diversity, “Hispanics notwithstanding.”

The commercial shoot evolves into an over-budget production that looks more and more like a Gwar video. The dean hilariously melts down over and over again, and gets in the best line of the night when Troy and Britta keep fucking up their hug: “If you get this wrong one more time, I’m segregating the school!” I lol’ed. Then Luis Guzman shows up—because why not.

Meanwhile, Abed captures the maniacal process in his own documentary, and Hearts of Darkness is mentioned like five times.

More babbling about this, P&R and more below. Clicky click.

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IFC Announces Portlandia Tour

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From IFC:

Fred Armisen (Saturday Night Live) and Carrie Brownstein (Wild Flag, Sleater-Kinney) from IFC’s hit original comedy Portlandia are embarking on a unique six city tour bringing the romanticized and dreamy rendering of Portland, OR to life for fans across the country. Portlandia: The Tour will feature Armisen and Brownstein, the co-creators, writers and stars of Portlandia, performing live music, presenting sneak-peek clips from the show’s second season and sharing personal anecdotes about the creation and inspiration of Portlandia and its variety of eccentric characters.

The tour begins in Portland at the Hollywood Theatre on December 27; there are more details here, and tickets go on sale tomorrow.

Here's a clip from the upcoming season, which starts January 6.

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HUMP! 2011 Open Thread!

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HEY SEXY!!

Did you attend HUMP! 2011 over the weekend? (I know at least 5,500 of you did.) LET'S TALK ABOUT IT! We wanna hear your views about this year's lineup of amateur porny shorts... for example:

1) Which films did you vote for? (Categories: Best Humor, Best Sex, Best Kink, Best in Show! Also, we'll be announcing the actual winners as soon as we get all the votes counted!)

2) What would you like to see more or less of next year? (Remember, YOU make the films, we just pick the best of what you give us!)

3) Any other advice to next year's filmmakers?

4) Was there a great film that didn't fit into any category, and should be recognized?

For everybody who attended this year's HUMP! thanks a bunch, and stand by to see if your faves won!

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The Walking Dead Chitty-Chat Club!

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Heyyyyyyyyy. Did you watch The Walking Dead last night? Would you like to... you know... chitty-chat about it? Well, welcome to The Walking Dead Chitty-Chat Club, where we chitty and chat all about that! Hit the jump for my spoiler-filled thoughts or shoot your mouth off in the comments or don't do anything. It's your life, and I'll be damned if I'll tell you how to live it! (Seriously though, read my thoughts after the jump.)

Theres got to be a morning afterrrrrr!
  • via AMC, photo by Bob Mahoney
  • "There's got to be a morning afterrrrrr!"

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