You may not have noticed, but it’s Valentine’s Day! A “holiday” of adjusting your expectations, bitter self-recrimination about lost loves, and questioning the very concept of romance itself. Thank goodness we’re all happy with our relationship statuses, with no chance of being one of those people, right?

Mary Jane wants your heart this Valentine’s Day. From canna-infused chocolates to canna-infused lubes (don’t mix these up—trust me), cannabis is playing a growing role in the massive industrial complex built around love in its many forms. But while cannabis often receives a warm reception in the bedroom, what about the way it’s used and perceived in the process of getting there?

When you first hit puberty and began to woo romantic partners, alcohol was likely involved—from stolen garage beers to warm wine coolers. Then, for many, came college parties and... yeah. Drinking has always been a major part of the dating scene, something that’s even been celebrated in the mainstream. Countless relationships have started with the help of alcohol. It’s called a social lubricant for a reason.

But cannabis comes with a much more complex relationship in getting someone to go home with you, and maybe having them stay. Not just for the physical aspects that can be offputting—smoke, smoker’s breath, rooms that reek hours after consumption, bong water, and so on—but the mass misinformation campaign that has left many people with mixed feelings about cannabis use, and mixed feelings about those who use it.

Cannabis can even be a deal breaker, for a variety of reasons. Perhaps someone is dealing with associations based on a previous partner who fully embraced every mainstream stoner stereotype. Or one could have experienced a religious upbringing that instilled guilt about cannabis (along with everything else). Others may have had a partner or parent who used cannabis as a way to deaden feelings, avoid intimacy, and reinforce existing emotional walls.

But with legalization comes greater acceptance of the role cannabis can play in courting, and cannabis does have a history of a shared joint turning into a shared kiss—and more.

I wanted to get some perspective on cannabis in today’s dating world, so I reached out to a mid-20s cis female follower from Instagram. Her feed revealed that she works in the industry, is a frequent and enthusiastic cannabis consumer, and while actively single, didn’t seem to be having the best luck in love, even if dating while dabbing. She met me for a drink, but asked that I not reveal certain particulars, including an incredible arm tat that should be a T-shirt line. She turned heads of both sexes when she walked in, and I asked what ratio of the men she dated were cannabis consumers.

“The boys I date, they make big noise about how tough they pull, how much they like to get high,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Out of 101 bad dates, maybe 20 percent are smokers.” The other 80 percent? “Douchebags who work at Nike and drink, resulting in cross fading when they partake,” she laughed.

“Guys don’t smoke—really smoke—in Portland. When I get high, it’s mostly with girlfriends. Pre-[Measure] 91 was cooler, because smoking together was a shared law-breaking activity, dangerous and cool.” She sighs. “When I met my ex, we went home to smoke, shared three blunts, and he passed out. It’s like a unicorn to find a man with a job, car, his own place, and who can hang for a full session, instead of one dab hit followed by hours of paranoia and becoming too self-aware.”

It’s true that cannabis—like all things people feel passionately about—can kickstart relationships, save marriages, and even result in babies. Like attracts like, and there’s great potential when a couple merges hearts and a fondness for good green.

That isn’t to say it’s a relationship saver. I had a front-row seat to numerous “conscious uncouplings” in the cannabis industry last year, which could be attributed to the stress of being in the industry, but just as often was due to something else. It’s a miracle plant, but only up to a point.

So cannabis might not necessarily bring you closer to a potential partner. But it can certainly ease the journey while you try and find one.

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I don’t want to break any more hearts, but... despite my writing a column dedicated to the local hip-hop scene, hip-hop is not my favorite genre. I listen to a lot of hip-hop and rap, yes, but nothing tickles my fancy quite like some smooth R&B, rough R&B, or anything resembling soul music. Whether it’s ’90s or contemporary R&B, alt-R&B, indie R&B, neo-soul, or the poorly named PBR&B, it’s more than likely I’ll at least mildly enjoy it.

Lucky for me, Portland’s R&B scene has been blossoming beautifully over the past few years: Soul’d Out Music Festival lineups continue to impress, Tyus keeps releasing quality stuff via Warner Bros. (including his newish EP Phases), and then of course there’s Blossom, whose artistic growth has been a joy to watch. Though unfortunately our local Queen B isn’t playing a show on V-day this year, Blossom recently announced that she’s partnering with No Vacancy Lounge, where she’ll live out her longtime dream of being a resident jazz singer.

Anything falling under the giant R&B umbrella is the perfect soundtrack for Valentine’s Day, whether you’re cuffed or flying solo. Sultry soul can certainly enhance you and your partner’s sexy time, or if you’re super single (like me), you can instead go on a date with yourself and develop a harmless crush on an R&B singer. Here are three ways to include R&B in your Valentine’s Day plans.

Born Reginald Lamar Williams (and FKA Reggie Williams), R.LUM.R has become increasingly famous for his stellar falsetto, as showcased on his insanely popular single “Frustrated,” which has now exceeded 31 million streams on Spotify. The song’s lyrics aren’t even about a love interest (Williams actually wrote it to himself as he struggled with a decision to move from Orlando to Nashville to pursue music), but he sings it with such passion that you’d never be able to guess. Other highlights include 2016’s longing “Tell Me,” and the ultra-moody “Nothing New.” Though he’s widely considered an R&B artist, Williams cites Linkin Park, Elliott Smith, John Mayer, and Fleet Foxes as some of his biggest influences. Here’s hoping the Nashville up-and-comer brings out his guitar for some of his set. Wed Feb 14 at Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside, w/Gibbz

Portland soul songstress Reva DeVito is one of the town’s shiniest rising R&B stars. For the last several years DeVito’s put out a bunch of cool ’90s-flavored urban pop and R&B—please see “The Move” (produced by KAYTRANADA), 2016’s “Babe Squad,” and 2013’s “Sweetest Taboo.” Last year, DeVito and Los Angeles producer B. Bravo teamed to become Umii, and released an eight-track, aqua-themed album called This Time. It’s a real treat, with funk-infused joints like “Dangerous” and the addictive “Masquerade.” The idea of surrendering to DeVito’s sultry vocals for a night sounds like the best option. Wed Feb 14 at Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, w/Drama Duo, DJ Fritzwa

{{ image:2, align:right, width:250 }}After rocking the Thesis recently with his band the Pariahs, rapper Wes Guy is dropping a five-track R&B EP called Love Junky this week. “The ideology of love being a drug stems from a rough patch in my relationship two years ago,” Guy explains in a press release, “where I wanted to escape, but I was so hooked by the past highs (memories) that I couldn’t fathom the current state of low points.” Opening track “Love Drug” captures this perfectly, with emotive, guitar-driven production and lyrics about a relationship crashing alongside lines like, “She always keeps me high, though/She makes me lose my mind, though.” There’s also the ballad “When We Lay,” featuring vocals from Mai Mae of Fringe Class, and closing track “Azul Skies,” which focuses on the love of life and self-love rather than romance. Wes Guy raps throughout the project, but it’s the smooth, easy-on-the-ears vibe of this EP that makes it reminiscent of soul. Sun Feb 18 at the Jack London Revue, 529 SW 4th, w/the Pariahs

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Marvel movies get a bad rap for their cheesy dialogue, disjointed plots, and truly absurd, CGI-crowded battle scenes. But you never know when they’ll drop a gem. Ryan Coogler’s Black Panther is one huuuge gem, and comes closer to achieving truth and realness in its story than any Marvel film has before. Fully embracing its Blackness, the film smartly toes the line between history and fantasy.

Black Panther kicks off with a short explainer on Wakanda, a secretive African nation whose mountains contain a super-powerful metal, vibranium. The substance is key to all of Wakanda’s technological advancements—it’s laced into their clothes, weapons, and vehicles. But even as vibranium enabled Wakanda to become a techtropolis, it also led the country to isolate itself.

Then the film really kicks off, beginning in 1992 Oakland, where a Wakandan spy (Sterling K. Brown) concludes his nation’s isolationist ways are allowing other African descendants to suffer from poverty, over-policing, and high incarceration rates: “Our people suffer,” he says, “because they don’t have the tools to fight back.”

Indeed, Black Panther asks, why have generations of Wakandan leadership stood by as Black people around the globe suffer? This questioning of Wakanda’s monarchy plagues T’Challa (Chadwick Boseman), whose birthright is to become not only the Wakandan king, but, as Black Panther, the protector of Wakanda’s tribes.

T’Challa knows that exposing Wakanda’s technological capabilities could end his people’s lives as they know them—but he also can’t justify the choices made by previous kings.

Still, T’Challa must continue his missions, which include bringing justice to Ulysses Klaue (Andy Serkis), a maniacal South African with a shit-eating grin—and, in place of his amputated arm, a device made of stolen, weaponized vibranium.

T’Challa’s got someone else making his life harder, too: ex-soldier Erik Killmonger (Michael B. Jordan), a self-professed kill machine with the scars to prove it. Killmonger’s spent his life training to avenge his father’s death and overthrow Wakanda’s monarch, with a plan to use vibranium to start the world over—this time with Blacks on top. Jordan’s impassioned monologues cut and sting, offering harsh truths about Wakandan leaders letting Black people suffer; I spent much of Black Panther trying to decide whether Killmonger was fully evil, or justified in his hellbent quest for reparations. While basically playing a poster boy for Black rage, Jordan illustrates how Killmonger is a monster of Wakanda’s own making. (Is this a reference to Black-on-Black crime, hidden inside a shiny, big-budget Marvel movie? Your call.)

Along with Jordan, the women in Black Panther are some of my favorite characters. Instead of #BlackGirlMagic, they have technology: T’Challa’s hilarious little sister Shuri (Letitia Wright) is the genius engineer behind not only his bulletproof Black Panther suit, but various weapons and Wakanda’s transportation system. (She also has all the best lines.) As philanthropist Nakia (and T’Challa’s ex!), Lupita Nyong’o finally gets to do it all, showcasing her chops at action, humor, and romance. And, led by fierce warrior Okoye (Danai Gurira), Wakanda’s all-female guard, the Dora Milaje, are nearly flawless in their Afrofuturist armor and unwavering defense of their king. It’s also worth mentioning a couple of great hair moments—most notably when Okoye complains about having to wear a “disgraceful” wig as a disguise (only to use it for a kill a few moments later), and the regal Angela Bassett’s icy-white dreadlocks, which deserve an Oscar.

For more than two hours, I was able to immerse myself in a technologically superior African society untouched by colonization—something that’s empowering in and of itself.

There are also a few things I didn’t love about Black Panther: First, there’s Martin Freeman’s seemingly pointless CIA agent (though he is a great recipient for Shuri’s “Don’t scare me like that, colonizer” line), and then there’s... a pack of metallic CGI rhinos?

Still, there’s greatness in here: During a car chase in South Korea, Okoye rolls her eyes as bullets ping off the windshield. “Guns,” she says. “So primitive.” It’s one more example of how Black Panther’s reimagined history flips the status quo. For more than two hours, I was able to immerse myself in a technologically superior African society untouched by colonization—something that’s empowering in and of itself. If you know a bit about Black history, it might be hard for you to wrap your mind around the idea of an African nation that’s maintained its power, its resources, and its choice to aid the rest of the world. But it sure is fun to try.

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Initially enchanted by lead single “All the Stars,” with its tribal drum beat and dazzling Afrocentric music video, I’ve been bumping the Kendrick Lamar-curated Black Panther soundtrack all week. The song (which features SZA) is a worthy representative of the rest of the album—and, as I’d hoped, it came on right as Black Panther’s end credits rolled for the audience to enjoy as we waited for the sequel-teasing stingers.

In addition to producing original music for the album, Kung Fu Kenny appears on roughly half of the 14 tracks. After seeing the latest Marvel installment (and discovering how unapologetically Black it is), Lamar’s integral involvement in the movie’s music makes even more sense. There’s a humming tribal undercurrent throughout the album, with African beats, chants, and various verbal references to Wakanda and other elements of Black Panther. Lamar is famous for his unconventional use of jazz influences and artists on his critically acclaimed album To Pimp a Butterfly; here, he incorporates a variety of styles and artists on the track list.

“X,” with Schoolboy Q, 2 Chainz, and Saudi, stands out as an immediate favorite, though I didn’t notice when (or if) it was used in the movie. “Pray for Me,” with the Weeknd, sets the perfect mood for kicking off the film’s deadly casino mission, and there’s also gorgeous R&B from UK artist Jorja Smith (“I Am”) and a playful Travis Scott-Kendrick Lamar collab (“Big Shot”).

On songs like “Paramedic” and “King’s Dead” (with rapper Future and singer/songwriter James Blake), Lamar embodies a wrathful king and an African warrior. The sinister song roils with references to Erik Killmonger, Black Panther’s villain—at one point toward the end, Lamar even proclaims, “All hail King Killmonger.”

Another highlight is the festive-yet-somber “Seasons,” which features Sacramento rapper Mozzy, MC Reason, and Johannesburg native Sjava, who raps his entire verse in the Zulu language before a soulfully sung chorus. The English verses are equally appropriate to the subject matter, with lines like “Trapped in the system, traffickin’ drugs/Modern-day slavery, African thugs/We go to war for this African blood.”

I missed a lot of these themes in the music before seeing the movie, so I’m guessing that Black Panther: The Album gets better and more dissectible the more times I see the movie. And I plan on seeing it as many times as humanly possible.

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Luann Algoso is a professional do-gooder with a master’s degree in Peace Studies and Conflict Resolution. Since moving to Portland nearly a decade ago, she’s busied herself with making the world a better place. After landing a job at one of Oregon’s largest nonprofits, she was thrilled—but soon saw that while the organization’s mission was commendable, it wasn’t exempt from office politics and hierarchical practices. “I was having a tough time trying to grapple with the realities of the nonprofit-industrial complex,” Algoso says. “I realized that you can try and try, and do good for the community, but you still [have to] think about the politics of being restricted in the kind of work you want to do.”

Algoso considered writing a novel about her experiences, but instead a screenplay formed, leading to her new web series, Gabby Smashes the Imperialist, White Supremacist, Capitalist Patriarchy!

“I envisioned more of a workplace comedy sitcom, similar to The Office or Parks and Rec, but as soon as Dawn [Jones Redstone] joined as a co-writer, the story started to shift,” Algoso says. “The show is about more than just working at a nonprofit and rather what it’s like to try and do good work despite being met with so many obstacles.” On Tuesday, February 20, Algoso and Redstone will premiere the pilot episode at Portland State University (it’ll be available online the next day) in advance of financing future episodes.

Gabby Smashes... follows the trials and tribulations of Gabby Antonio (played by Algoso), a bright-eyed Filipina idealist who helps Oregonians at UNHAPI (United Native Hawaiians and Asian Pacific Islanders). The show’s cast is made up almost entirely of Asian American and Pacific Islander (AAPI) actors. “I decided to focus on the AAPI community because it would be an opportunity to show how vast and diverse the community is, and how different issues affect different Asian and Pacific Islander ethnic groups,” says Algoso. “It’s an attempt to see just how diverse the AAPI umbrella is.” The show’s title—a nod to bell hooks—might not roll off the tongue, but Algoso says that’s the point: Intersecting systems of oppression can never be palatably simplified.

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As the robber barons in charge of America attempt to isolate our country from the rest of the world, the Portland International Film Festival makes its annual cinematic case for humankind’s inherent interconnectedness. The 88 feature films and 48 shorts that the NW Film Center has collected will pack Portland theaters for the next two weeks, bringing a can’t-eat-it-all smorgasbord of movies from every corner of the globe. While the diversity of this year’s lineup outlines how privilege, race, and geography can divide us, the films themselves successfully argue that many of our struggles and ambitions are universal.

PIFF’s pulse-taking of global cinema is highlighted by a remarkable movie made close to home: Andrew Haigh’s Lean on Pete (Feb 28) was shot in Portland and in Burns, Oregon, and adapted from Portland-area writer/musician Willy Vlautin’s magnificent 2010 novel. It’s a difficult but extraordinary movie to sit through; while Vlautin’s humanism cushions the book’s tragic but ultimately hopeful story of a latchkey teen and his horse, Haigh’s film is observational and conspicuously unsentimental, keeping in line with Vlautin’s unadorned prose style but giving its rawer elements a knife’s-edge immediacy. Charlie Plummer as the 15-year-old boy is restrained but riveting to watch, and Steve Buscemi, as a no-bullshit horse trainer, is at his very best.

The American high-desert milieu of Lean on Pete finds its inverse in Australian director Warwick Thornton’s excellent historical drama, Sweet Country (Feb 17 & 19), set in a barely civilized 1929 Northern Territory. An Aboriginal man, Sam (Hamilton Morris), kills a “whitefella” in self-defense, and a search party—including Sam Neill and Bryan Brown—pursues him into the inhospitable outback. If the film has a weak point, it’s how Sam’s wife is relegated to the background for much of the story, but her experience, and indeed her muted presence, gives the film a powerful undercurrent, and Thornton avoids the easy tack of turning the imperfect Sam into a martyr. The film deftly echoes Australian classics like Wake in Fright and Walkabout along with American westerns, but its depiction of institutional racism set against impassive terrain feels altogether unique.

While the diversity of this year’s lineup outlines how privilege, race, and geography can divide us, the films themselves successfully argue that many of our struggles and ambitions are universal.

Israeli director Samuel Maoz’s Foxtrot (Feb 18 & 19) deals with similarly heavy topics, but its intimate familial tragedy is given a comically surreal bent. An older married couple receives news that their soldier son has been killed in action, but after we bear witness to their suffocating grief in the film’s opening stretches, an extraordinary central section unfolds, showing the son at his military post at a border checkpoint. Essentially a self-contained film on its own, this wonderful middle act uses bizarre visuals and a dry comedic tone to depict the dehumanizing day-to-day boredom of the young man’s assignment even as it reveals the undeniable tug of hopefulness and potential in his life. Maoz’s visuals are unforgettable: a riderless camel, a shipping container sinking into the earth, a young Arab woman caught in a searchlight. Even if Foxtrot’s other two-thirds don’t quite match this sequence’s marvelously audacious storytelling, the pieces add up to a powerful whole.

The fragmented storytelling techniques of Félicité (Feb 16 & 17) are just as unorthodox; Senegalese director Alain Gomis follows the titular singer (an astonishing Véro Tshanda Beya Mputu) as she roams the streets of Kinshasa trying to raise money for her son’s operation. An electric band of Congolese musicians and an orchestra playing classical music function as dueling Greek choruses, and Gomis uses head-on close-ups to explore the spaces between his characters’ outward expressions and inward emotions. While the movie’s thrust of plot dissolves midway through, its observations of Félicité’s life—and her budding relationship with a sweet but philandering drunkard—are refreshingly free of moralist narrative conventions.

Indonesian revenge flick Marlina the Murderer in Four Acts (Feb 19 & 25) is less inclined to let its offenders off the hook, and it pairs its tale of beheadings, mummies, and ghosts with a ferociously welcome feminism. Marlina (Marsha Timothy) is subjected to robbery and rape, but her resolve never breaks, and the film finds time between the blood and killings to depict an affecting camaraderie between Marlina and a motherless girl. Meanwhile, the chilly Hungarian drama On Body and Soul (Feb 16 & 24) has even more blood—albeit much of it bovine, as its story of dream-entwined coworkers is set in a slaughterhouse.

Romanian farce 6.9 on the Richter Scale (Feb 17 & 21) should be avoided; it manages to be both sexist and unsexy, with a dreadful musical interpretation of the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice unconvincingly contextualizing its leading man’s marriage to a moody, one-dimensional caricature of female insecurity. Argentinian director Lucrecia Martel’s Zama (Feb 18 & 21) is far more artistically successful, but its story of an 18th-century Spanish functionary stranded in a remote Paraguayan outpost is deliberately disorienting and patience-testing.

But the films mentioned earlier should absolutely be sought out—amidst the dozens of other films at this year’s PIFF, all of them offering passport-free journeys to all kinds of new places and perspectives.

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AIRPORT CINEMA SHOWCASE
A screening of the locally-made shorts currently playing at Hollywood’s microcinema at the Portland Airport, including works by Dave Depper and Laura Gibson, Chris Funk and Ural Thomas, Jeff Winograd, and more. Hollywood Theatre.

★BLACK PANTHER
See review, this issue. Various Theaters.

★BOYZ N THE HOOD
After Boyz n the Hood blew up, its director John Singleton went on to direct a bunch of stuff: Poetic Justice, Higher Learning, Shaft, 2 Fast 2 Furious. And Boyz’ young cast—which included Ice Cube, Angela Bassett, Morris Chestnut, Laurence Fishburne, Cuba Gooding Jr., and Nia Long—went on to be part of a whopping number of notable projects. In some ways, watching these actors in a movie that’s 27 years old feels like opening up a time capsule (behold the soundtrack, which features everyone from 2 Live Crew to Tony! Toni! Toné!); in other ways, Boyz n the Hood remains as timely as it was in the ’90s. ERIK HENRIKSEN Fifth Avenue Cinema.

DOUBLE LOVER
In this campy psychosexual thriller from François Ozon, a sad lady with psychosomatic stomach problems falls in love with her therapist (let’s not), then his evil twin. What follows is a mishmash between freaky horror tropes and softcore porn, despite the film’s insistence that its heroine suffers from frigidity, which I feel contractually obligated to tell you isn’t a real condition. I also feel contractually obligated to warn you that Double Lover contains (1) multiple rape scenes, (2) a speculum shot that will make you never want to go to the gynecologist again, (3) a shameless amount of medical grossness, including a stomach critter much worse than the one in Alien, and (4) constant low-level dread. (Vive la France!) If you have problems with any of those things, don’t see Double Lover. But if you have a strong stomach, Ozon’s preposterous commitment to his absurd premise almost makes it worthwhile. MEGAN BURBANK Fox Tower 10.

★DR. STRANGELOVE, OR HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE THE BOMB
Hey, look. A movie about Portland and fluoride. Academy Theater.

EARLY MAN
Nick Park, the man who created Wallace and Gromit, has made another original stop-motion animated film. This one’s about Stone Age tribes competing against Bronze Age snobs in what’s basically the world’s first World Cup. So yeah: A stop-motion caveman sports movie spoof starring the voices of Newt Scamander, Loki, and Arya Stark. Various Theaters.

FIFTY SHADES FREED
Thinking about how Fifty Shades Freed is just boring, latter-season Gossip Girl with nipples got me all hung up on how good Gossip Girl used to be. I’d rather re-watch that than see rich people play with butt plugs any day of the week. ELINOR JONES Various Theaters.

GABBY ANTONIO SMASHES THE IMPERIALIST, WHITE SUPREMACIST, CAPITALIST PATRIARCHY
See Film, this issue. PSU’s Smith Memorial Student Union.

★THE MAN WHO FELL TO EARTH
Susan Compo’s new book, Earthbound: David Bowie and The Man Who Fell to Earth, goes behind the scenes of the 1976 Bowie-starring science fiction film, with a complete account of its making, from Walter Tevis’ source novel to a breakdown of the movie’s multiple edits. Tonight, the Nicolas Roeg-directed masterwork screens at the Hollywood—in its intended, full-length version—with Compo in attendance. NED LANNAMANN Hollywood Theatre.

PIPE ORGAN PICTURES: SEVEN CHANCES
Dean Lemire plays the organ while Buster Keaton dodges giant falling rocks and something like 200 crazed women as he tries to earn millions getting married by 7 pm. Seven Chances was shot in 1926, but there are stunts in this thing that would make Jackie Chan and Tom Cruise be like, “Nah buddy, that ain’t for me. You’re going to kill someone trying to get that on film.”Hollywood Theatre.

★PORTLAND BLACK FILM FESTIVAL
For years, the Hollywood Theatre’s Portland Black Film Festival has brought some fantastic films to town—films from African American filmmakers, films that focus on Black lives and experiences, and films that are worth a look from everybody. The 2018 edition, curated by local comics writer, filmmaker, and educator David Walker, is no different, filling February with a wide-ranging selection of movies... and the great Joe Morton, the festival’s guest of honor. Perhaps best known from his role on Scandal and for causing the robot apocalypse in Terminator 2: Judgment Day (THANKS, JOE), Morton will be in attendance for a 35mm screening of his 1984 comedy classic Brother From Another Planet, in which “The Brother” (Morton) lands on Earth and gets an apartment in Harlem (screens Sat Feb 24). There’s a bunch of other must-see stuff too, including a showcase of shorts made by local Black filmmakers (Sun Feb 25); a screening of 1973’s The Spook Who Sat by the Door (Sat Feb 17); a tribute to filmmaker and photographer Elijah Hasan (Wed Feb 21); a screening of Charles Bradley: Soul of America (Thurs Feb 22), and more. Complete schedule at hollywoodtheatre.org. ERIK HENRIKSEN Hollywood Theatre.

PORTLAND INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL
See Film, this issue. Cinema 21, Cinemagic, Laurelhurst Theater, NW Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium.

★PURPLE RAIN
As a movie, Purple Rain isn’t much, honestly—basically a series of melodramatic (and often misogynistic) vignettes about a pouty brat (Prince) acting like a sour piece of shit to everyone in a five-mile radius (The Revolution, Apollonia) as a coping mechanism for having an abusive father (Clarence Williams III). But as a document of Prince’s talents as a musician and a live performer, (and to a lesser extent, Morris Day’s charisma and the Time’s chops), Purple Rain is like an atomic bomb powered by funk-rock fusion, whose radioactive fallout changed pop culture forever. SQUAWK! Hallelujah. BOBBY ROBERTS Clinton Street Theater.

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The goofball wits of Mean Jeans have never shied away from product placements. The band’s carefully constructed wasteoid universe, which lives in the brilliantly silly zone between Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure and Rock ’n’ Roll High School, is a burnout paradise of Cheerios and Jäger and Kraft and Coors Light.

It should shock no one, then, that Portland’s pop-punk geniuses have just released a collection of original (and entirely unsolicited) jingles for some of their favorite brands. Did the world need songs dedicated to Skoal, Best Western, Applebee’s, and Selsun Blue? Not until Mean Jeans decided it did. As ridiculously catchy as it is conceptually sound, Jingles Collection continues the band’s undefeated streak. The Mercury spoke to singer/guitarist Billy Jeans about the perils and pleasures of shilling for wonderful junk.

PORTLAND MERCURY: I think I speak for everyone when I ask: Why?

BILLY JEANS: Every interview with a rock musician cites the Beatles as their earliest musical infatuation, but for us it was the early ’90s commercial jingles. So many good ones. Where do I begin? Creepy Crawlers. Crossfire. Juicy Fruit. Skip-It. Bagel Bites. Then of course there are the Ramones’ Steel Reserve jingles from ’95. My lifelong Ramones obsession has landed me at the definitive conclusion that the Steel Reserve jingles are the band at its greatest. So we’re following their lead.

I noticed drummer Jeans Wilder singing more on this album. Would you sayJingleshas given him a chance to step into the spotlight as a songwriter?

For sure. Jeans has always been a big part of Mean Jeans’ songwriting and singing, but when we realized jingles were our calling, he really started to flourish. The hooks, the brevity, the genre hopping—he’s got the jingles in him. He does a great Gavin Rossdale on our Selsun Blue jingle.

Are you worried kids will start smoking after hearing “Camel Lights”?

No. Camel Lights don’t even exist anymore, which we regrettably overlooked during the production of this record.

How many cases of Mountain Dew did you receive as payment for your Dew jingle?

Forty. And some sick T-shirts.

Did anyone in the band veto any brand endorsements while you were in the planning stages? Or were you all on the same page from the beginning?

A very perceptive question. Agreeing on product endorsements caused a few rifts within the band during the 24-hour production of this record. We wanted to do a jingle for a classic American restaurant that we all love. I’ll admit I was stuck on Sizzler, and Wilder was Applebee’s all the way. I argued that we’ve already endorsed Applebee’s in our song “2 Twisted 2 Luv U,” but the boys were able to calm me down. In the end we did both.

Hot Pockets already has a pretty famous jingle. Was it hard to write a second Hot Pockets jingle in the shadow of the revered original?

Jeans Wilder has been humming his Hot Pockets jingle for years. When or why he wrote it, I don’t know. But it’s on par with the original.

Mean Jeans is famous for its love of Jägermeister, and yet a Jägermeister jingle does not appear on this album. I’m wondering what happened.

We had a brief sponsorship from Jägermeister a couple years back. They hooked us up with a Jägermeister guitar—a great look, but abysmal tone—and some threads, but there were expectations of what the Jeans would do to reciprocate the endorsement. We failed to hold up our end of the deal, naturally. So in my mind that territory has been covered.

Okay, one quick hypothetical. You’re at the store. They’re out of Coors Light. What beer do you buy?

We have a song about this specific crisis. It’s called “Keystone Light.” So yeah, the answer is Keystone Light. I think it might literally be the exact same liquid as Coors Light.

What is the best dish at Applebee’s?

$1 Long Island Iced Tea. Unbelievable bargain.

It seems like the limitations of the jingle form allowed Mean Jeans to stretch out and experiment with different songwriting modes. It sounds to me like Mean Jeans can go anywhere from here. So what does the future hold?

Keep ’em guessin’.

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AFTER KELLY SWOBODA was killed by Portland police four years ago, news outlets across the country shared the lurid details of his van.

Swoboda, whom local cops confronted in March 2014 after reports that he was acting suspiciously around teenage girls, had outfitted his minivan with chains and ropes. The vehicle contained pornographic movies that emphasized the youth of their actresses. Cops found latex gloves and lubricant.

The New York Daily News—writing of Swoboda’s death in a gunfight with a Portland officer, and his earlier attempted kidnapping of a Milwaukie tanning salon employee—dubbed him a “van sicko.” The facts of the case make it hard to disagree.

But how those facts came to light is now a matter of some controversy—one that has ramifications for more recent officer-involved shootings.

In a report released last week, an independent auditor took the Multnomah County District Attorney’s Office to task for the way it presented the Swoboda case to the grand jurors who decided whether to charge the cop who killed him, Officer John Romero.

Since 2010, the California-based OIR Group has looked into how the Portland Police Bureau (PPB) handles police shootings. In its latest analysis, the organization extends that scrutiny, arguing prosecutors needlessly—and perhaps unethically—brought the disturbing details of the contents of Swoboda’s van before jurors, even though they had little bearing on the reason Romero shot Swoboda.

“The grand jury presentation should have focused on the overwhelming evidence that Officer Romero acted in self-defense when he used deadly force,” OIR’s report found. “Unfortunately, the grand jury proceeding was infected with evidence about Swoboda’s history, character, and presumed intent.”

The Multnomah County District Attorney’s office has disagreed, telling the Mercury (and OIR) that the information it presented to grand jurors “was highly relevant and admissible.”

The debate highlights the influence prosecutors hold when it comes to deciding whether a cop who shoots someone is charged. And it comes as the family of Quanice Hayes, the 17-year-old killed by Portland police in February 2017, has promised a lawsuit against the city, calling the grand jury inquiry into Hayes’ death a farce.

“You have a 17-year-old kid that’s killed by police,” the family’s attorney, Jesse Merrithew, told the Mercury last week. “The only process that’s happened is a grand jury proceeding that—if you look at the transcripts—it’s a joke.”

In Multnomah County, the facts of every officer-involved shooting go before a grand jury, regardless of whether the shooting appears potentially criminal. District Attorney Rod Underhill takes the extraordinary step of releasing the transcripts of grand jury proceedings into fatal police shootings. In most places, the hearings remain secret.

Because of this, Portlanders get rare insight into how prosecutors present cases to grand juries, which don’t receive input from judges or defense attorneys when deciding whether charges are warranted against a potential defendant. The process has often been scrutinized for the sway prosecutors have. As one well-known joke tells it, a prosecutor could convince grand jurors to “indict a ham sandwich."

“The prosecutor has an amazing amount of control over a grand jury,” says Greg Hurley, an analyst with the National Center for State Courts. “They can signal the grand jury in a lot of different ways in terms of the outcome they’re looking for.”

In the case of Swoboda’s death on March 12, 2014, the OIR report suggests prosecutors went above and beyond to ensure there wasn’t an indictment.

On the day of the incident, police were responding to a report of a man leering at teenage girls from his van near Wilson High School in Southwest Portland. Romero eventually came across Swoboda near a van that matched the report’s description, and ordered him to sit down. Swoboda complied, but then pulled out a gun and shot Romero in the hand and arm. Romero returned fire, killing the man.

Details that emerged after the shooting were chilling. Clackamas County authorities believed Swoboda had recently kidnapped a tanning salon employee near Milwaukie, pistol whipping her and binding her hands and feet with duct tape. The woman told authorities she escaped by jumping from Swoboda’s van as he drove.

Cops also found notes on Swoboda’s body suggesting he’d been following girls in multiple cities, writing down where and when he saw them, and rating them on attractiveness.

And then there was the van, with its chains and porn and latex gloves. It became a brief focal point for prosecutors in the grand jury process, transcripts show.

Chief Deputy District Attorney Don Rees, questioning a Clackamas County detective in the hearing, described the van as a “moveable dungeon or torture chamber.” He called forth details of what appeared to be smears of blood in the vehicle, and paved the way for a narrative in which Swoboda was intent on succeeding in his second attempt to abduct a woman.

“As an investigator,”Rees asked the detective, “looking at chains mounted to the floor, ropes, zip ties, teen pornography, padlock, what are you thinking when you see all of this?”

“I’m thinking exactly that one victim got away, and he wasn’t going to let the next one get away,” the detective, Mary Nunn, responded.

It’s possible Nunn was right. But the OIR Group report says the information still had no place in front of a grand jury, because Romero had no idea of Kelly’s history or the contents of his van when the shooting occurred.

“In the grand jury context, there is no judge to evaluate the probative values versus prejudice of evidence elicited by the prosecutor,” reads the report. “Prosecutors themselves serve as the only check with respect to what evidence is presented.”

The report calls prosecutors’ decision to introduce facts of the kidnapping, descriptions of the porn, and other details “extremely prejudicial and of no real additional probative value,” and suggests the evidence might not have been allowed if Romero were being tried in court.

“It was a clear case,” says Michael Gennaco, one of the report’s authors. “The officer got shot just before he returned fire. So what was the reason for bringing in this prejudicial evidence?”

“This isn’t about putting [Swoboda] on trial,” Gennaco adds. “He’s dead.”

Prosecutors stand by their decision. Brian Davidson, one of the attorneys who presented the case to grand jurors, argues that the detail of Swoboda’s earlier crime had bearing on the shooting.

“It’s perfectly reasonable that people can imagine that Mr. Swoboda would imagine police officers are out there looking for him in that van,” Davidson says, suggesting that could make Swoboda more likely to attack. “The reason that’s germane is to determine whether the officer’s use of force against Mr. Swoboda was justified or not.”

Davidson also argues the information would have been admitted by a judge in an open court setting.

The OIR report’s findings come at an interesting time. The family of 17-year-old Hayes is making very similar arguments.

Merrithew, the family’s attorney, says that prosecutors used a similar strategy in investigating Hayes’ February 9, 2017 death that they did with Swoboda—namely, that in presenting evidence before the grand jury, they included facts that the cop who shot Hayes, Andrew Hearst, didn’t know at the time of the shooting.

On the morning Hayes was killed, police and witnesses have said the teen used drugs and robbed a man using a fake gun, among other things. Cops responding to a call were aware that Hayes could be armed, but none testified to seeing a fake gun on him before Hearst shot him three times (a fake gun was found near his body).

“From a legal perspective, the issue of the reasonableness of Officer Hearst’s use of force depends entirely on what he knew at the time that he used force,” Merrithew argues. “The grand jury got to learn all sorts of things about Quanice that Officer Hearst did not know. The grand jury is being misled from the start about what Hearst knew and when he knew it.”

Prosecutors undoubtedly disagree, but in Hayes’ case there’s a chance a court will decide. The family plans to file suit against the City of Portland and Hearst in coming weeks.

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MAYOR TED WHEELER isn’t prone to second-guessing himself in public.

From the earliest days of his tenure—amid outraged protests over Trump’s presidency and frequent disruptive demonstrations at City Hall—to more recent decisions on how to address homelessness, Wheeler has tended to pick a course and stick with it.

Now there’s a glaring exception.

Last week, the mayor formally announced a decision that’s rankling some landlords. In an appearance before a volunteer advisory committee on Friday, February 9, Wheeler affirmed what his office told reporters earlier in the week: He’ll support doing away with a controversial loophole in Portland’s renter relocation policy.

The policy requires landlords to pay between $2,900 and $4,500 when they evict a tenant without cause, or if they force tenants to move following a rent increase of 10 percent or more. But since its inception in February 2017, the policy has exempted property owners who only rent a single unit—a provision aimed at protecting the interest of mom-and-pop types who might be especially reliant on rental incomes.

And until last week, that didn’t look like it was going to change. While Commissioner Chloe Eudaly and tenant advocacy groups had long argued against the single-unit exemption, Wheeler announced on January 19 that he’d oppose doing away with the exception when City Council makes the relocation fee policy permanent later this month.

In the January announcement, the mayor said he wanted more data on the rental market, and that he’d instructed the Portland Housing Bureau not to change that part of the policy when the law came back before council.

But hints of misgivings emerged almost immediately. The week after Wheeler made the announcement, whispers bubbled out of City Hall that he’d changed his mind, and would soon announce support for killing the exemption. Then there was word that he’d reversed course yet again, and now did want to keep it.

And now we’re here. On February 6, Wheeler’s deputy chief of staff, Michael Cox, called to say the mayor had a change of heart. Wheeler now plans to support killing the single-unit loophole—while allowing exemptions for property owners who rent ADUs or live in part of a duplex and rent out the other half.

“A couple weeks ago, he did say he was going to refrain from amending the one-unit exemption,” Cox told me. “He also said he had no philosophical objection and that he was going to continue listening to feedback.”

Exactly what feedback proved persuasive is unclear.

Tenant activists had railed against Wheeler’s position. Jo Ann Hardesty, the NAACP leader and former lawmaker running for city council, had chided Wheeler and other leaders for inaction. Commissioners’ offices had worked on a compromise.

Now, with his mind allegedly made up, Wheeler can expect to face plenty more feedback. The Portland Tribunereported last week that the mayor’s reversal had already inspired one landlord representative to resign from a city board.

More fallout is sure to follow—small landlords have never been shy in their hatred of this law. And then we’ll find out if Wheeler’s decision is final, after all.

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RE: “One Day at a Time,” Ann Romano’s weekly roundup of news and gossip.

Dear Ann Romano,

I’m a new reader of the Mercury, and now, because of your column, a permanent reader. You are an absolutely fantastic writer. Your column is highly entertaining, highly informative, laugh-out-loud funny, and socially conscious. That is a rare combo, and your writing is the thing I most look forward to every week when I pick up the Mercury. Keep up the great work! I look forward to buying your book when it comes out. :-)

Kal

ANN ROMANO RESPONDS!Thanks so much for your kind words, Kal! I am married.

RE: The Mercury’s Film section, where we recently published reviews of TV shows like HBO’sMosaicandHere and Now,along with a guide to the best of winter television.

Dudes, the one element of this paper I still consistently enjoy, the film reviews, are being whittled down to nothing. In the past I could count on at least four solid reviews, but recently the section is shrinking. Some weeks there’s only one review and it isn’t even of a film! Please beef up this section again.

Don’t make me go online!

P.S. Bring back the celebrity gossip in One Day at a Time, while you’re at it! Politics are well and good, but we need some relief too.

FILM EDITOR ERIK HENRIKSEN RESPONDS!Following the year-end dump of Oscar bait, the early part of the year is always pretty awful for film releases. Things are starting to pick up—but we’d also be remiss not to cover TV, considering that’s where many of the most interesting filmmakers (TV-makers?) are currently working. In this week’s Film section (pg. 41), we have a review of Black Panther, a preview of the Portland International Film Festival, and a piece about the web series Gabby Antonio Smashes the Imperialist, White Supremacist, Capitalist Patriarchy. (That web series is made in Portland, in case the title didn’t immediately tip you off.)

ANN ROMANO RESPONDS!Thanks so much for your input, sweetie. I am married.

RE: “I Anonymous” [Feb 7], in which Anonymous defended her use of a Chihuahua as a service animal—and called out a bystander who criticized the dog for being “the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen” and accused Anonymous of having “probably ordered that vest online.”

Not condoning this person’s behavior, because they sound like an asshole, but the problem is that there ARE a lot of people out there with fake service dogs. They are spoiling it for you and others who truly need service dogs, because they make the rest of us suspect whether any service dog is truly a service dog. The people with fake service dogs think they’re special and that their behavior is okay. It’s not.

gofigure

RE: “The Scorpion: How the Feds Found One of the Web’s Most Prominent Illicit Diet Pill Dealers in Oregon” [Feature, Feb 7], Doug Brown’s story about the DEA and FDA’s investigations of Jonathan McGraw, AKA “ScorpionDNP,” an Oregon man who sold DNP—a pesticide used as a diet pill—via Reddit and Discord. “The Food and Drug Administration has banned DNP for human consumption since the 1930s, due to numerous deaths,” wrote Brown.

I realize DNP is not legal, but it’s a shame because people will always seek out substances like DNP. With Scorp, you knew what you were getting was quality and safe. Now, without a major supplier, you could be buying anything.

elbeez

VALENTINE'S DAY!
Some cherish Valentine's Day as a sweet, feel-good holiday that lets us celebrate the euphoric beauty of true love. Others consider Valentine's Day a crass load of bullshit that sows resentment and loneliness by propagating unrealistic expectations of relationships, all so greeting card companies and restaurants can rake in a few extra bucks. Luckily, everyone can agree on one thing: We will all die cold and alone, so we might as well appreciate the people we love while we can! Smoke ’em if you got ’em, kids.

No matter what part of town you're in, Portland's packed with V-Day events: First, the always delightful “Pope of Trash”John Waters swings by the Aladdin Theater with his live show A Date with John Waters!

Those looking for something a little more physical will be at Saint Valentine: A Valentine's Party by Reva Devito, who will shake Holocene's dance floor with R&B, while at the Siren Theater, queer comedy showcase Lez Stand Up: Valentine's Day Is for Queers! boasts sets from Kristen Kuppenbender, Caitlin Weierhauser, and more.

If that's not enough, The Mystery Box Show at the Alberta Rose will have even more storytelling (this time with a decidedly sexy angle). And at the Hollywood, Portland's favorite drag clown, Carla Rossi, ups the ante for her Queer Horror film series with a burlesque tribute to tonight's romantic feature: 1998's Bride of Chucky, in which a mass-murdering doll electrocutes Jennifer Tilly and then uses a voodoo ritual to transfer her soul into another doll and then the two dolls fuck. Happy Valentine's, everybody! ERIK HENRIKSEN
Visit our Valentine's Day calendar for a complete list of the best Valentine's events in Portland

Portland Trail Blazers vs. Golden State Warriors
It’s Valentine's Day, but more importantly for the Blazers, it’s the final game before the league turns its attention toward All-Star weekend. Portland has been able to hang tough in a crowded Western Conference playoff race, and a win against the Warriors would provide a huge spark heading into the mid-season break. With the defending champions boasting a record-tying four all-stars, having a rowdy Moda Center crowd on hand to help bring them back down to earth will be crucial. CHIPP TERWILLIGER
7:30 pm, Moda Center, $65-468, all ages

R.LUM.R, Gibbz
R.LUM.R (pronounced Ar-Luhm-Ar) is an up-and-coming singer/songwriter based out of Nashville. Catch him tonight when he brings his infectious R&B sound down to the Doug Fir Lounge for the Portland stop on the "Family Matters" tour.
9 pm, Doug Fir, $10-13

Set it Off
F. Gary Gray's small-scale crime epic about four Black women who decide they've had enough of the world's shit, and start robbing banks to even the score a little.
9 pm, Laurelhurst Theater, $3-4

My Body, Dreckig, Mini Blinds
The Portland-based duo spearheaded by Jordan Bagnall and Darren Bridenbeck return to the Mississippi Studios stage to warm up the room with their dynamic blend of R&B and synth-pop.
9 pm, Mississippi Studios, $5

Adan Jodorowsky, Y La Bamba
The French-Mexican musician, director, and actor (and son of Alejandro Jodorowsky) brings his folk and alternative rock sounds to the Wonder Ballroom stage in support of his latest full-length, Esencia Solar.
8:30 pm, Wonder Ballroom, $15-20

Don't forget to check out our Things To Do calendar for even more things to do!

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Stay up to date on Portland news and politics. Looking for fun? Here are the best Things to Do in Portland today.

For Trump, life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what scandal will be inside!Joe Raedle / Getty

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Sweeter than sweeter love grows, and heaven's there for those who fool the tricks of time. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

In his new infrastructure bill, Trump is once again proposing to sell off Oregon's electrical grid that's run by the Bonneville Power Administration, basically using Northwest customers to fund his corrupt government.

One of several stranded hikers on Mount Hood is dead after a 700 foot fall; rescue operations are underway.

A group of Christians are harassing TriMet's bus ads for OKCupid that include the acronym "DTF." These are the same people who were okay with probable child molester Roy Moore's run for the Senate, so fuck their feelings.

Oregon's own Ben Ferguson placed a very impressive fourth place in the men's Olympic halfpipe competition in his first trip to the games. Congrats, and we'll be seeing much more of him, I'm sure!

Oh, and HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, everybody! Be sure to pick up the newest issue of the Mercury to see if you got a READER VALENTINE!!

Ghosts of Valentines Day Past pic.twitter.com/u1XYBfBRhR

— lee gatlin (@neilaglet) February 14, 2018

National intelligence agencies are warning that Russia is already up to their old tricks again, spreading disinformation over the internet in order to sway the 2018 midterm elections.

The White House was once again caught in a whopper of a lie after the FBI testified that they gave the administration information about accused wife beater Rob Porter months before the administration claimed.

Speaking of lies, Trump's former attorney is saying that he paid adult film star Stormy Daniels $130,000 out of his own pocket, rather than the Trump campaign. Of course he did, because lawyers are nothing but generous with their money.

Trump's new proposed budget calls for deep cuts to social programs, which could especially hurt vulnerable populations.

Congress is at odds in their attempts to provide a promised pathway to citizenship for Dreamers, as the deadline (which is entirely Trump's fault) inches ever closer.

Butt-hurt Republicans who are increasingly infuriated with judges who rule against their corruption (such as in cases of gerrymandering) are fighting back—by trying to impeach the judges.

SOME GOOD NEWS: Democrats pick up another special election legislative seat in Florida, making it the 36th switch from red to blue since 2016.

Today in "Whoopsie!": "New York Times hired, then quickly unhired, writer who tweeted about befriending neo-Nazis."

WINTER OLYMPICS NEWS: Shaun White pulls off an incredible gold-winning victory in the men's halfpipe (and has also apologized for calling sexual harassment claims against him "gossip"), and Slovenia comes back to defeat the men's US team in hockey, while the US women's hockey team are killing it!

Now let's look outside at the WEATHER: Light showers today with a high of 49.

And finally, check out this sickest of sick gold-winning run in the halfpipe from the USA's Shaun White. I could totally do that.

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Undisputed fact: Nobody loves “love” like the Mercury! That’s why every year, we print romantic love notes from YOU to your sweetie in our annual Mercury Reader Valentines issue. Did YOU get one this year? Did your pet? Did Donald Trump? (yes, see the very first one.) There’s only one way to find out! Read the following valentines (assorted alphabetically for your convenience), and be sure to check this link if you don’t see yours—because we have even more of ‘em there! HAPPY VALENTINE’S, MERCURY READERS! As always, you are our one true love.

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♥ #45 Tho our secret love is threatened by many an investigation, it is as eternal as your penchant for lies. I want to ride you bareback and shirtless.

♥ 213531 You make me brave, take my troubles away. How are we here? Vibrant energies entangled, 2 stars melted to 1. My halo, angel, key, adventure soulmate.

♥ ; You’re an amazing and beautiful woman. Thank you for your encouragement and support. You make me a better person. I love you. Yours. Always.

♥ A I Love us. Love, A. XxOo B, too {slurp}

♥ A BEAR Oh hello, I love you! Let’s jam each other’s rocky buttes!

♥ A VERY HANGRY MAN if you’re reading this / then its too late / let’s smoke weed and eat burritos. xoxo your gangsta drinky crow

♥ A-DAWG AND FEEFEE I look forward to a new year in a new country with a new cat with you guys. You two are my everything, even if your butts stink. Love, Kimbo

♥ A-MAZE-ING GIRAFFE I want to draw you out, trace the lines to your heart, get to know you. Maybe that’s a lot to ask. Still. I will ask when we meet again. ~CRC

♥ AARON, You are the gravy to my potatoes, the frosting to my cupcake, the chicken to my enchilada. You are the love of my life. Happy V Day to my hot Husband!

♥ ABE Breakfast in bed, middle of the night dog outings, and that hot bod?!?! Sign me up 4 lyfe. Xoxo

♥ ABRA CAADAVER Happy V-Day to a wonderfully beautiful smart and ambitious young lady! You will forever be in my heart LOVE YOU LOTS! XOXO

♥ ACDC It’s Valentime’s Day and you are SO GOOD! FULL BARS!!!! oxo adc

♥ ADA CABOT The world is terrible, but I am thrilled to be able to navigate the criminal justice system with you /dunt dunt/

♥ ADAM I’ll let you take me to Home Depot for Vday, but only if we look at Excel spreadsheets when we get home. You rock my world you handsome [silly] beast

♥ ADAM Roses are red, you’re super awesome, glad we’re together to share adventures in the macrocosm xoxo

♥ ADAM BEAR So incredibly grateful for the galactic forces that brought our souls together, my determinist. You’ll forever have my heart & be my AHA rep.

♥ ADAM KRUSE Happy Valentine’s Day to my sweetheart! I am so lucky to have you in my life.

♥ ADB To love and be loved by you is like finding home. You light the fires of my heart, bring peace to my mind and inspire my passions. I love you!

♥ ADR We could stand to be naked together a lot more. I love you. More than Mega Mint. SJW

♥ AIDEN You make my life sooooooooo much better! I love you. We should 69 and then get some bbw.

♥ AINOLLOPA I LOVE YOU I wish you could of taken the day off but let’s enjoy this morning. I fucking love the shit out of you Toots! You’re my favorite! You’re my everything

♥ AKI You are so smart, beautiful, and awesome. I am so lucky to be with you. I love you.

♥ AKON LANGGA

♥ AKU’S SHINY SHOES Time DOES last and my contemplation surpassed all that I thought you would be to me. I continue to strive for more within me & by your side-Driftwood

♥ ALAN How do we top getting married and going to Hawaii? Let’s stay married and go to..................................

♥ ALAN Love you to the moon and beyond!!!

♥ ALENA I love you my darling, and I am so happy that we’re going to be parents soon. I love you to the moon and back.

♥ ALEX 7 years and we still find new adventures & things that make us happy. Here’s to many more! Love you so much baby and I’m so excited about the future.

♥ ALEX Here’s to you my single buddy! You’re great. Don’t forget that. Our time will come. For now, we will have fun. ;)

♥ ALEX To my beebs, my love for you has grown over the last six years, thank you for being such an incredible partner, best friend, & lover.

♥ ALEX Whilst love won’t make you wealthy and rich, I am hoping that ours won’t make you itch, especially tonight when we need some great play from Nurkic

♥ ALEX Your mural work has been inspiring. I love how you are capturing the heart of the Eastside. M & I like your weird stuff too. So don’t ever stop.

♥ ALEXA You know what’s cooler than being cool? You.

♥ ALEXANDRA You are my churro legged beauty. The salsa to my taco. The corn to my tortilla. You are the pinto to my bean. I love you. Lets get tacos? Tom

♥ *ALI* Roses are rainbow Kactus is black Thanks for being a sexy, silly, tender babe And always having my back. (pssst, your venus in cancer is showing.)

♥ ALI BEAR You are the bomb that makes my heart explode with joy!

♥ ALISA Love of my life and sugar in my coffee. You’re the sweetest there is. Happy Valentine’s Day!

♥ ALISHA Three nights of magic Like flowers found in the wild I want to plant more

♥ ALISON I’m so glad I matched with you on Tinder

♥ ALIX Love my babygirl Alix my freckled wonder Be mine forever

♥ ALLEGS you my super special sweetie unlike no other whom ive ever been with. lets keep doing everything fun together all the time

♥ ALLIE every since I met you, you became my all time favor miller time!! U my champagne of hearts and I don’t mine getting drunk on that!! on the run 4eves.

♥ ALYOSHA Honest, Handsome, Halcyon to my hungry, horny, and ornery. Holy shit we’re having a baby. Here’s to happiness and harmony. I love you.

♥ ALYSIA I’m so glad you’re mine, sexy smartypants. - Clarence

♥ AMACY I like to be alone. But I’d rather be alone (and naked) with you.

♥ AMANDA I Love You More Than There Are Stars In The Universe

♥ AMANDA MY LOVE Thank you for always being the most beautiful person in my life. You’re humble, generous and loving to everyone around you. Love, Your Macaroni Knee

♥ AMBER welcome to sexy sesame street. me, you, and Big Bird livin’ it up. where squirrels feed on leftover love-bits, and I dream of your kiss til I wake.

♥ AMBER “THUGGALETTE” I love you more than I could ever explain. You are the best mother our children could ask for and you are my HERO. 8 years strong.. will you be mine?

♥ AMBOY We’ve visited mountains and beaches, attended weddings and rallies, endured illness and airports. You’re incredible; I’m so glad we share a birthday.

♥ AMY [Otis Redding lyrics]

♥ AMY THIEL Some people forget that love is tucking you in and kissing you “Good night” no matter how young or old you are Love is You and me

♥ AMZ You are very important to me and always will be! You deserve a friendly handshake :) love you, b.

♥ ANAYA I have been so blessed to share my life with you. I cant wait to see whats ahead, because no future with you in it is not worth looking forward to.

♥ ANDREW 4500 miles, 3 weddings, 2 traumatized pugs and 1 wife who loves you. We did it! Let’s get through another amazing year. I love you pumpkin butt!!

♥ ANDREW DIAF. I love you. Never stop being squishy.

♥ ANDREW Weaver of Lore, love of my life. Thank you for our beautiful boys. Thank you for sharing dreams and magic. Thank you for always doing the dishes.

♥ ANDREW C. I would be lost in this world without you. You bring grounding to my feet and repair to my soul. Thank you for intertwining your life with mine. I♥U

♥ ANDY I love you :) Your love saved me! Our home has grown and so have I because of your love and we have become one thank you for helping me heal, one love

♥ ANDY ROSES ARE RED SQUASH IS YELLOW MY OH MY YOU’RE A WONDERFUL FELLOW

♥ ANGELA A is for Amazing. A is for Angela. You are BOTH. You’re a song on my radio. Your voice is a song in my ear & my heart. Your smile makes me so happy.

♥ ANNA I love you so much I’d take a pickle back shot for you, which is the same as taking a bullet. Vals and sushi tonight?

♥ ANNABANANA My love, living with you this past year has been so much fun!! I wanted to wish you a very Happy Valentines Day from the bottom of my heart!

♥ ANNAGRAM I could die a thousand deaths and it’d all be worth it to have spent just one day in love with you. -R

♥ ANTENETTA MARIE With no one else could I imagine growing old wrinkled and fat with. I could not go through life without you now that you are mine. I love you always!!

♥ ANTRONIUS Oh I love thee, let me count the ways: Pai Days in Bed, Enduring the Banuk & all 2017, Hugs @ Hug Point, & everything squished in between. I love you.

♥ ANYUSHKA Every day I feel your token against my skin, I smile inwardly but not so secretly. Being encompassed by & bound to you is a thrill that never gets old

♥ ARR I don’t know if I told you this but, I kinda like you, like alot. Love, Mayy

♥ ASHA MY SWEETS Feeling your love, like each breath, fill me; moving me. Knowing your love, a lifetime I will cherish, inspires me every moment. I love you!

♥ ASHLEIGH MY FROG You hopped into my world and firmly planted yourself on my tree. I love you more than ever. Happy Valentines Day! Ribbet.

♥ ASHY LOVE You smell like toots And the face of an angel I just love the heck out of you

♥ ASLAN You are a little Angel from Heaven and I promise to love your forever and ever ! ConCon

♥ ASPEN my Sympatico Soulmate! I am never going to do all the life things without you. well except for sometimes sleeping, because, ya know, that’s important.

♥ AVAGADRO You dark beauty haunts my mind, as do Beauford, Beauregard, and Lenore’s sweet behind

♥ AVIATOR BOB Up in the air, down in the sea, deserts will bloom, my love for thee. New paths ablaze, joining as one, the light of our love, emulates the sun.

♥ :: B :: My Love..my sweets..I love you with all of my heart! I can’t imagine my life without you in it..so let’s drink wine and watch basketball.Go Blazers! K

♥ B Thanks for all your kindness and patience. You make me very happy. See you at the Somedays Inn, xoxo

♥ B You. Are. So. Beau-ti-fullll. To meeee-eeeeeeeeeee. Can’t you seeeeeeeeeee.

♥ B-A-B-Y Baby, Oh Baby I Love to Call You Baby Baby, ooh my Baby I Love for You to Call Me Baby.

♥ B-U-T-T Hey...nice butt. -PBA.

♥ BA I can’t believe we have such a cozy home, silly traditions, and now a ridic dog together! So grateful for you and our little life. C U @ PF Changs

♥ BABEFIELD I didn’t quite believe that I would ever find a human like you, but I feel endlessly lucky that I have. I love you my cutie sax player kayak fisher

♥ BABER We’ve been through a lot. I hope we get to go through a lot more. You are my best friend. Love you the most.

♥ BABY DADDY, You’re my absolute favorite! All the BJs and the world could not express this enough! I love you and your plump ass.

♥ BABYCAKES You really melt my butter with syrupy sweet sugar lips. Let me make your breakfast salty and greezy.

♥ BABYLOVE Thank u for always being such a wonderful, loving, & supportive partner! I’m so glad I married 15 yr ago! I will ALWAYS b here 4 u. POR VIDA! Mi Amor!

♥ BABYSIZE I loves you all of the loves. Here’s to many more years of adult seating at Edgefield. Maybe someday we’ll actually stay there

♥ BADAM If I had to choose between Fast Freddie Biscuits and you, you’d win. Don’t tell Freddie. I love you, and your rage rants. More, please!

♥ BAE KRAB Know that I love you enough to process my love to you on this public form. With all my love and many more Valentine’s Days to cum... Your sweet shrimp

♥ BAGELCRACK 15 years ago you saw me wearing eyeliner and a beautiful AIM relationship blossomed. Eternally grateful it manifested IRL. Kisses. -Shiznitobang8801

♥ BAKER69 In this crazy world you are my companion, loving, loyal, patient, smart. I love your protective wings above me, coaxing gentle breath and secret sigh.

♥ BALDY Thank you for all the little & big ways you work hard to keep our family fed, housed & happy. Only love makes sense these days. I love you! xo-Chubbs

♥ BANANA PANCAKES You said, “We’re not perfect but we’re perfect for each other”, after I lost my mind for a day. That is some sexy shit. Crosswords in bed for life!

♥ BANGS You fill my heart. Thank you for your love, care and the best tacos I have ever eaten. I have a million kisses for you and the bubbies. Much love.

♥ BASIL You’ll always be my g.o.a.t.

♥ BBBWW Bubba...you’re the fries to my potato, the secret to my sauce. The best-est, my favorite-est. I love you.

♥ BBEAR You are the Bunny of my eye. Thanks for being such a beautiful person and wonderful companion!

♥ BBYDLL Here’s to another 20!

♥ BBYDLL long as there are stars above you/you never need to doubt it/I’ll make you so sure about it. Thanks for 20 yrs of love + family. U girls are my life.

♥ BEAR Tightest queen I worship yr perfect pussy & asshole. I yearn for u to caress my soft meats & whisper sweet murder into my ear. Luv

♥ BEARDY BIRLDS I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

♥ BEARMOOSE HOLY SHIT I LOVE YOU! HOLY SHIT WE’RE MARRIED!! Thanks for being the best person alive and having a cute butt. You are my forever person

♥ BEAVERS we love you ttttttthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissssssssddddd much!!! Johnny & Meepers

♥ BEAVERTON BLACK CATS Keep the crunchies flowing and I’ll keep letting you pet me -Abs

♥ BECCA After 10 years and two kids and three cats I still adore you as much as ever. Happy Valentine’s Day you sexy thing!

♥ BECCA Wishing you the sweetest of loves. -Your troublesome and cute boys.

♥ BECCA AKA BUSSEY My spoon-stealing, beautiful, loving, inspiring, #1 bad ass with a hot ass partner

♥ BECKY I love you with all my heart

♥ BECKY Life with you has been really great. I love you! P.S. I ate all the chocolate while you were out.

♥ BECKY You BLOW my mind! http://youtube.com/watch? v=pSnJ5MV5T84. Try not to be a Blow Hard and Blow our relationship up. Happy Valentines Day XOX Ken

♥ BEEBO You are my favorite bubble tooth. I adore the life we have created together and can’t believe I get to marry you THIS YEAR. My Love You

♥ BEGRIMED BBY Overcome by your odiferous orifices Ignited into incendiary infatuation Fettered to your fetid frame Blankets blissfully billow Eternally engulfed

♥ BELA Who would have thought we’d find true love at Slims? I think we will always find eachother and walk and talk in gardens all misty wet with rain, xoxoo

♥ BEN HARRISON!

♥ BEN MY BUMPKIN 1 year next month, and our first v-day! I love you, you cookie loving, british man of mine! let’s feed eachother chocolate forever, especially today!

♥ BEST ANGEL You are everything!

♥ BETH LENORE Let’s explore and save and grow and love ever more fervently. During this year, our 10th, and years beyond. Let’s not get married! It’ll be romantic!

♥ BETH, DIGGIN’ ON YOU You’ll always be a part of me. Cause I’m dangerously in love with you. I like the way you work it. And all my life I’ve prayed for someone like you.

♥ BETHUPUNCTURE You have stabbed me with your needles of love and soothed me with your balms and herbs from the Orient. I love you and I love our family. POUNCE!

♥ BEVYN smart, funny, sweet, sexy, brave -- you are gorgeous personified. quite simply, thank you for sharing your one wild and precious life with O and me.

♥ BEX I left my heart in Corvallis.

♥ BIG D Twinning is winning except when it’s the flu. We’ll rock our matching flannels and gray tuxedos in our nest all winter. Love you the most. Squirrel

♥ BIG DADDY Thank you for coming into my life. Looking forward to our future. I love you! -BabyGirl

♥ BIG DADDY CHRIS Wanted to wish my wonderful man of 20 years and the father of our 3 beautiful girls, a Happy Valentines Day! I love you always and forever!

♥ BIG DADDY J Happy 5 years my luv & Happy Valentines Day! There’s been crazy tweekers, transients and stray cats..we’ve seen it all! No one I’d rather do IT with.

♥ BIG DAWG YAM HEART There’s no one else in the world I would rather have invade my single lady lair over 2 years ago... Make me honey pies 4ever. Luv, ur lil javelina

♥ BIG DILL You can’t make pickles without spilling some brine. Luckily your brine is delicious. Love, PJ

♥ BINKY Once upon a time there was Milwaukee, then Kirby, then the Package, then Morning Light. I love them all! -- Your secret admirer from Mars Platform 5

♥ BIO I luh you gurl. - STAT

♥ BIRAJ Will you be my pumpkin?

♥ BIRD Thank you for the years of love and support. With love birdie.

♥ BIRDIE & LITTLE BIRDIE So grateful to have you two. Our hatchling is a real bird of a feather, and you’re quite the fine flapper. Glad we took wing and feathered a new nest.

♥ BISCUIT Thanks for sticking with me all these years. It’s been a great ride with you through it all and I wouldn’t give it away for anything. I love you.

♥ BJS I love you through the frustration. I wish you the very best. I know that everything you need is coming to you. Keep it level and you got this! xoxo

♥ BLAKE B Baby, even though we will be celebrating in two different countries on two different continents. My love crosses the ocean. Happy Valentines Day Baby.

♥ BLAKE’ To the handsome scumbag who made me not hate jazz, sushi, & 1 kung fu film:I can’t wait to come home to you. But I’m not gonna spread for no roses.

♥ BLUE You’re a lot. And I love it all. XOXO, Fern

♥ BOAR’S HEAD BRUCE You can run, but those short stout legs of yours won’t carry you far. Or fast enough. I’m HOT on your trail.

♥ BOCTOK-ZAPAD For a fragmented community with dozens of separate circles and cliques, you were the binding force, bringing and keeping everyone together. I’member!

♥ BONDOOGLESHMOOGLEBON What a year this will be with a shmooglebon in the oven and it’s already cute as a button! I sho do love n cherish you sweetest of sweethearts.Lubloo

♥ BOO I know I can be a dimmy sometimes, but I love you more than words can express & I’m so happy to have you in my life. You’re the Lorelai to my Luke.

♥ BOO BEAR I am so blessed to have you in my life! You are my superhero, my rock, my muse, my inspiration, and my best friend. Here is to many more my love!

♥ BOO BEAR I love you & you’ll always be handsome enough for me! Xoxo, your lil bunny

♥ BOO BOO KITTY FUCK Even though we are living in the mountains, I want to keep our Mercury Valentine’s Tradition. Team Marotto Forever. I fucking love you Otto, Pickle

♥ BOO X 2 Oh, what a journey we’vehad! From the early days in the Volvo, to now driving into our adult lives - you are so loving and awesome! I LUV U BOO x 2!!

♥ BOOBERRY BISCUITS Let’s lift our love on high, along with these matching burritos, and sing glorious songs about our fat kitty. I love you more and more everyday.

♥ BOOBOO There is no way that I can tell you how much I luv u in 150 words, but, here it goes. You are amazing, you are my best friend, life sux w/o u. I luv u

♥ BOOFRIEND You are the cutest thing in the mornings, I can’t handle it. I love that we can be spooky together. I love you boo.

♥ BOOGER Doot doot 4 ever! Love, Bug

♥ BOOMER RADISH “30s, poetic bent, fit, funny mate 2 adore & share thrills with” seeking me in LA Weekly, 1994. Thanks for 24 years of full moons & best kid ever

♥ BOOMTOWN BOOMERS FOR LYFE!!!! DMRGN

♥ BOOPIE Look to your right or left and you’ll see me with a big, dumb grin on my face looking at the love of my life. Love you, Fiancée.

♥ BOOTIE you’re my assolute favorite.

♥ BOPPY You are the purrrfect human. Thank you for the scratchies, feeding me when mom sleeps in, hiding me under the blanket from scary things...love, LuckyB

♥ BOSKOE 17-31707-1

♥ BOYFRIENDA I love you more each year. You make my medulla oblongata. xoxo, your Boyfrienda

♥ BOY MAYOR OF SECOND LIFE i love you my gay life partner cant believe we’ve been married for 7 years see u soon

♥ BOZO You give me a reason every day to love you more and more! Thank you for being here for us always full of laughs. Oh and your cock it’s exceptional.

♥ BRAINS Me and Sampson think you’re swell

♥ BRANDON I’m so happy to have shared these past six years together. Can’t wait to see what this year holds for us. I love you to the moon and back.

♥ BRANDON Love you handsome... Spend 4eva with your feisty Latina. I promise nothing but wild nights and amazing food. Love you Daddy #hesgettinglucky #stud

♥ BRENDEN You are the most beautiful boy on this planet and I love you so much. Thank you for our life together.

♥ BRENTON BAE I love making the insane work! And there is no one I’d rather be crazy with. You make me a better person. Till death do we part. 10,000 miles of

♥ BRET On our 5th V day, I just have one question? Still up for awkward?

♥ BRETT LOVE, We are evolving in trust! Trust in self, trust in source, trust in us. I am so grateful to be on this journey with you. I say YES to life with you!

♥ BRI B. I adore you like Ryan loves chokers. This week is already so annoying. Drink w me soon. xh

♥ BRIAN, I am so happy to call you mi amorcito! You bring so much laughter and joy to my life (and not just because of the tickling).

♥ BRIANNE 16 years ago we dressed in black and platonically got together to protest our shared hatred of Valentine’s Day. I’m so glad we ended up making out.

♥ BRITT Thank you for being such a superlative and sexy wife. I love our life at Circus Maximus.

♥ BRODY You are my favorite person :) Thank you for always being down for a good time. Here’s to more good times and adventures together :) Xoxoxx

♥ BROOKE I love you more than anything or anyone. You are the most brilliant beautiful woman the world has ever known.

♥ BRUSSELS SPROUTS MAN permanent, silent screams of remorse, guilt, shame, sorrow, love. i’m eternally sorry. wishing you unending joy and happiness.

♥ BRY Thank you for loving me, even though my bigote is Cameron Diaz. I love you more than words can express. xoxo Palin

♥ BRYN Happy Valentines Day! We hope your day is wonderful ‘ We love you! Daddy, Aunt Carole, Aunt Terri

♥ BSERIDOO, In these final years before the fall, all I need is the air that I breathe, and to love you. Oh & a tiny stinkyfaced wiener & two fatbutt cats ))((

♥ BUBBA Looking forward to our next adventure-If I’m falling asleep with you by my side, it will be okay. Thanks for making me laugh. PS I love your dick.

♥ BUBBALOO Thk u for loving me when we both still tasted of heartbreak. Drunk tear-soaked greasy mean; you see it all & make me love it 2. Always until we don’t.

♥ BUDDY Happy Valentine’s Day foxy boss babe. Excited for our adventures to come... Kiss kiss, Poppy.

♥ BUG Each day, I’m happier that you didn’t hit my head with a rock. I love you with all my heart. Next clue: When you sneeze, we plug this in. Love, Booger

♥ BUH-TEA I love that you are my valentine. You are the best dad and baby Ting and I love you!

♥ BUKIBOO Looking forward to the next 10 years. Thank you for tolerating my ridiculously big record collection. Love, Derek!

♥ BUNDLER Thank you for morning kisses, Hen sandwiches, and most of all for giving me our beautiful boy. Love you.

♥ BUNNY Happy Valentine’s Day! I love you more than the 150 character limit can ever know! You are amazing & brilliant! I cannot wait to see you- Love Moe

♥ BUNNY I love you more with every passing year. I can’t imagine my life without you. I’ll always be your Bunny Bear.

♥ BURRITO You are definitely my person. I love our life together. I love being a parent with you. Thank you for caring for me so well. I love you.

♥ BUZCH I love you, favorite. I hope I am half as good to you as you are to me. Except for the part when sometimes you don’t have gum. What’s up with that?

♥ BV ‘I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul.’ Neruda I miss the way we are together.

♥ CAITLIN you’re my favorite & i love you so. sorry i have to work 2nite. let’s get drunk and make out when i get home! be mine always? pretty please!

♥ CAITLIN! You are a cosmic BADASS! You are capable of anything and everything! The sun rises for you,and lights the moon for you! You are one with the universe!

♥ CALVIN I love you so much, booger. Thank you for everything, the highs and the lows. One year down and I can’t wait to see what our future holds. -Rachael

♥ CAMCAKES I love you so much ol macaroni knee! Thank you for being my best friend, biggest supporter, and my all around favorite person ever. You da best. LUFFS

♥ CAMILLE Ultimately, without further ado, I have never experienced a love so fond, so constant, so imaginative, so limitless, and so pure. Also, I am funny!

♥ CAMMY UR my ichi-ban Thanks for so many years of sweet Lub

♥ CAMMY We’ve been through so much together and our love continues to grow! Here’s to another year together I love you!

♥ CANOE time dissolves into water along your sides Seas into eternities Discoveries with our lips finding moments into new moments

♥ CARGO BIKE COURIERS A sweet midweek moment is the Merc trike arriving with the most prepossessing pedalers in town. Friday has been overthrown. Thank god it’s Wednesday!

♥ CARLA ROSSI your white face makes all of the kids go boo, but know I’ll still love you even after princess’ coup. FEED ME TUNA!

♥ CARLEE You are the love of my life. Everything good in my life is because of You. Happy Valentines Day P.S. Stop taking up all the space on the bed;) -DH

♥ CARLOS Tonto!! Te amo con todo mi corazón

♥ CAROLYN SUE Your love gushes forth like a fountain. Let’s get a beach house at the beach and discuss the historical history of the SPEDS.

♥ CARTOPIA Your faces are red, the honey buckets are blue, You’re all screwed, but I still love you. Happy Valentine’s Day to you!

♥ CASE12 U tha king. Thank you for being my friend. We’ve come a long way! Since love sucks, here’s a lil valentine for you. Love you Kee! Yonki 2!

♥ CASSANDRA You are beautiful! You are strong and independent and unique. You’re my idol and I love you. Live in the light and BREATHE!

♥ CASSIE MAY You drive me nuts but there’s nobody else on earth I’d rather have annoying me. I love you like a fat kid loves cake. Happy Valentine’s Day, Love Ad

♥ CATDAD1000000 You have grown into such an incredible husband & father this year! I’m forever thankful for your love, devotion, silliness & smarts. THE BEST. AROUND!

♥ CAY You are a dream of a human being and I love you! Wishing you a fluff-filled, cozy, and sweet AF Valentine’s Day. With Love, B

♥ CAZMISTER Poetry does not expire. Poetry smiles in your direction. Poetry speed the poet. Poetry doubt for want of meaning. Poetry and again.

♥ CBS Our road trips are always a blast, even long long ago when we were CrAzY in love. I’ll cruise with you anywhere, any time. I LOVE YOU! I really do.

♥ CD I hope you have another amazing Valentines, Little Miss Magic :)

♥ CD My beloved, you are the lover of my impossible soul.

♥ CECILIA If you like pina coladas, or getting caught in the rain. Baby, I love you and I am thrilled that you are in my life. My love for you will last forever

♥ CENTER OF MY BEING.. You drive me crazy

♥ CGF4 I’m all in for ya!! Let’s keeping doing this for a long, loooong time! U Boi -LEZ1

♥ CHAR sun in pisces, scorpio rising deep in the deep end, keep me revising old stories—u gave a sweet new start 2 ur cancer babe’s venus in gemini heart

♥ CHARLIE You’re pretty cute You’re pretty tough I’m stuck on you Yeah, I know I’m stuck

♥ CHARLIE FROM NOPO The Phil Lesh Show wouldn’t have been as sweet without you... Happy Valentine’s Day!! See you at Sean Hayes??? Nina

♥ CHEF RAY Your kitchen is too hot, baby. Ray & Deb Show Forever! I love ya. Happy VD xox

♥ CHERU-CHAN I’ll never forget you. FOD

♥ CHESTNUT I love you more than all the fishies in the ocean and the birdies in the sky. Giddy up! Cinnamon

♥ CHEWBACCABONHAM my tears are salty, so is your jizz. lets take another trip around the sun together. TrashPanda

♥ CHIBIMIKE To our 15th Valentine’s Day. You are my strength, my heart, my soul. You make all things possible and I love you with all of me! lunumu

♥ CHICKEN HEAD Remember that time we almost got eaten by a mountain lion? That was so totally worth it! I’ve loved you even more every day since. Love, Green Heart

♥ CHICKEN QINGERS “This is how you remind me of what I really am.” - Nickelback

♥ CHICKY FRANCES

♥ CHLOE I might be one of the luckiest people in the world, thank you Universe. It has truly been magical! Looking forward to many more adventures with you!

♥ CHOWDA To the hard working smart handsome honest & loyal man that I feel consistently lucky to be with I love you SO much..and dat ass your lil troublemaker

♥ CHRIS Happy Valentine’s Day BABY! I love you soooo much

♥ CHRIS MEWMEW I’m so thankful to have a funny compassionate BFF love to share my life with. Cant wait to see what adventures and crazy shit we get into this year XO

♥ CHRIS S. What a dream. With your big heart, beautiful smile, & gorgeous looks you are a catch in our eyes everyday. We love you so much

♥ CHRISTIAN Let’s. Let’s stay together. Wether times are good or bad or happy or sad.

♥ CHRISTOPHER Smell you later.

♥ CHRISTOPHER COOK Roses are red Violets are blue I suck at poems, but I’m super into you Call me maybe...?

♥ CHRISTOPHER DEAR Year together and far apart, ups and downs. I don’t know where it will go but I hope you are always my friend.

♥ CLAIRE I love you almost as much as Superman loves Lois Lane. Eric

♥ CLINTON, You are my hottest love, favorite dance partner, and best friend. Can’t wait to discover more birds more places, and things we love to do together!

♥ CODY SEAN You have been my valentine for the last 2 years. I LOVE YOU!

♥ COLE I’m so excited to be growing this baby together! She’s going to love life and we’ll have so many adventures. Love you! Happy Valentine’s Day! Love, WC

♥ COLIN I love you. Our twentieth (!!!) valentines together. It just gets better, baby. Here’s to twenty and then twenty more. Xoxo

♥ COLTON Roses are red, violets are blue, do you know de way, to Uganda my boo? Lubs u sexy thang!

♥ COMPOUND CREW Y’all are the peanut butter to my jelly, my best friends, the thing that keeps me sane. I love you.

♥ CONNOR My life changed the day I met you@ the public fish market. Who knew my great love would begin w/ fresh seafood and a guy who took a chance? U amaze me

♥ COOKIE BUNNY Day slips into night, nights into weeks but when I’m with you seconds melt into lifetimes and I cherish every second we spend together. Love you Bunny

♥ CORBIN https://www.youtube.com/watch? v=P_Fx1yq3A8M . 1:52-2:12. I love you.

♥ COREY I almost put a note in the Mercury, for I Saw You 13 years ago, now I know you. I love you.

♥ COREY I really, really, really, really, really, really like you. Lookin’ forward to the adventures, memories, and art that we’re gonna create together!

♥ CORINNE You made me a criminal, because I “felon” love with you. Thanks for being so awesome all the time, Love Ryan and Groucho

♥ COUNTRY TEST KITCHEN To my wonderful giiiirrrrrlllleyyy! Soon be time to pack up and move yet again....maybe to Hooglie Vooglie? Or do you wanna go for a walk?

♥ COURT Happy V-Day to a best friend I love almost as much as happy hour. Drinks soon!

♥ COWBOY i can’t wait to wake up next to you again soon.

♥ CRAIG New things to mock and less thingsss. 2018: Storm King summit and Bella dinner. Also, marriage. Ps, one in, one out! It’s printed, now it’s real.

♥ CRAIG You are beauty, light and poetry. I won’t be reckless with your heart. Come with me, please? You know what it is to resonate with my soul. Trust that.

♥ CRAIG (MR. BUNNY) You bring love to me and richness to my life. I look forward to continuing our adventure together. I’m so happy we caught each others’ eye. Larry

♥ CREECENUGGIE Cheers to us for making one hellova human! If he grows to be anything like you, I’ll be one proud & happy lady. Love you to bits guapo!

♥ CUDDLE BUG Waking up next to you is the greatest blessing. You give me purpose and I’d do anything for u. Including anal. Here’s to many more travels and kisses.

♥ CUPCAKE I love you, Bundles! Every year gets better and better!

♥ CUPCAKE LL COOLS DAY LOVES YOU FOREVER! You’re the cup of the cake and don’t you forget it! XOXO

♥ CUPS However far away I will always love you However long I stay I will always love you Whatever words I say I will always love you

♥ CURTIS 18 Year’s together and you’re still my favorite person! Happy Valentines Day sugar plum!

♥ CURTIS wanna bone? woof woof

♥ CUTIE BOOTIE I am glad you accepted my friend request after only meeting me once. And that you replied to my messages. And my request to Skype. Love you!

♥ CYNTHIA The last 16 months with you have been absolutely magical-you have changed my life and I can’t live with out you I am yours and you are mine forever

♥ CZARINA-VORLON Happy VD! Wish we could be together drinking and laughing and rolling on the floor until our sides hurt. XOXO - SupremeVorlon

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♥ D, BOO SCHNECKE Thanks to the Mercury you’ve been my boo, Schnecke and constant travel companion for 8 v-days! Love you! To many more v-days and trips around the sun!

♥ DADA Thank you for making such beautiful babies with me. I love you so much you don’t understand. Love the love in our home. Mama Lennon and Coen

♥ DADDY Every day with you is the best day of my life. -Love, your Kitty

♥ DADDY I love you so much. You and me for 30 years. You own my heart, my ass, and my pink parts. Never forget that. Love your Baby Girl

♥ DADDY You’ve changed my world, Love you endlessly. Love, Slut.

♥ DAGMAR You make me melt like chocolate on a waffle Wild like catnip Comfy like a thick blanket And proud of us both Thank you for completing me Fiercely

♥ DAIN -- Who’d have guessed that being spanked on top of a volcano would lead here? Looking forward to continuing to level up together

♥ DAINTALANI What’s on your list today? Milk, milk, lemonade DO YOU WANNA GO TO FRED MEYER?? GET ON YOUR FEET GET UP AND MAKE IT HAPPEN I love your butt!

♥ DAME You’re my Rocky. Hopefully I’m your Adrian. We got this boo-boo Love you to the moon!

♥ DAMIEN I love you, chicken. You fit with me so well it’s only natural we got together once we met. Here’s to many years of delighting each other.

♥ DAMIEN The spiders were a gift.

♥ DAMIENERSONDUDE Franks for being so good at all the dude stuff and throwing the robster. Ret’s go on a hike and smell new trees soon prease. You’re my faborite.

♥ DAN I love you more than Mooseph loves his snacks.

♥ DANE All though I smile and seem carefree there is no one who misses you more than me. Timi

♥ DANIEL 14 years later, thanks for still making this Emily your Emily. I love you! xoxoxo

♥ DANIEL Thank you for loving and spoiling me! I love you always.

♥ DANIEL You’re so sexy and smart and weird and cute! Thanks for being my friend and making me soup and camping with me and teaching me what a matsi is! xoxo!!

♥ DANIELLE I have so much love for you. You have been there for me through thick and thin. I am so grateful to have you in my life. Happy Valentines Day!!

♥ DANISKI My healing heart loves through scar and fear. Our connection is something wonderfully mystical, like old spirits that find each other... Thank you

♥ DANK i know it’s cheesy but YOU’RE GRATE! xoxo love you

♥ DANWHALE No fluke we met on porpoise. Ill chase your tail across all oceans and be in your splash zone. You are my blow-hole mate. Love your Humpbutt. Mmerrhhh

♥ DAPHNE HEATHER You are the greatest; beautiful, intelligent, thoughtful, an incredible cook and an amazing woman. I am happy you are my Valentine ! Love you! H

♥ DARLING LIONESS “They say that bears have love affairs And even camels We’re merely mammals--let’s misbehave!” (We really did, didn’t we?)

♥ DARLING, SWEET BEN I still light up when I see your smiling fuzzy face. Thank you for giving me 4 years of laughter, kindness, adventure, acceptance, and pure happiness.

♥ DARREN I love you beyond measure and cherish every moment we are together. My heart is forever yours - I love you

♥ DAVE Roses are red and candy is sweet, You totally rock and sweep me off my feet! Adventures with you- I can’t wait for more- At the crag or dancefloor!

♥ DAVEY HUBBY I love you SO MUCH. I’m so proud of you and I think you’re the sexiest man in the world. So excited for our adventures this year!! Love, Wifey

♥ DAVID I love you so much bubbins! Happy four years!

♥ DAVID I think you are cute as shit. I want you to be my hand-holding, squished-sitting, actually-watching-the-movie with me man. Please be my man, David.

♥ DAVID When I look in your eyes, I melt with you. I’m wrapped around your finger, head over heals ... YEAH!!

♥ DAVID You are my Totino. No other word captures what you mean to me. You’re kind, thoughtful, patient, and smart. Your smile lights up the world.

♥ DAVID, My brilliant, sexy man. Truly, you are the love of my life, the music in my heart. I adore your writing, sense of humor, & how your mind works. Always

♥ DEB! You are my forever lover. So many great times lay ahead!

♥ DEBBLES AND DOGGLES You guys bake my cookie!! Happiest VD! Get well soon.

♥ DEEGEE Never in the history of the world have I known a love this true. LOML.

♥ DEMIST I would choose you everyday, over and over again. You’ve made my life wonderful, my Hunk. Love you.

♥ DEMOCRACY I love you! I will metaphorically fight for you, the freedoms you bring. One special thing about you is that we can disagree and still be cordial.

♥ DENISE “All of my life I dreamed of meeting one with immense beauty, and once I found her I would charm her and she’d be mine forever”

♥ DENISE! We were so real, your miracle is still real, and I will love you always ~ your William

♥ DEREK Hi donut. This has been the best year of my life and I never want to lose ur stinky butt. U make my

♥ DERRICK Thanks for sharing your love sweets, and bringing me a sense of happiness I didn’t expect to find. Yours, Tracy

♥ DEVIN Happy Valentine’s Day, my bluebell! From the day we first met, I knew it was love at first sight. After that, I never looked back. Forever and Always

♥ DIAN LEE BERG You will always be mommy’s chunkn punkn puddn pie. I love you!

♥ DIANA where have you gone ? I search for u in all the wrong places will I ever see her again or is she your seekorit? Love Eric

♥ DIGAPONY I love laughing with you. I love eating tacos with you. I’m thankful we met on the smoking patio. Here’s to years to come (and more margaritas).

♥ DJ FARROUT You are out of this world! ! you have taken me with you on this journey to outer space and it has been unreal really. Thanks Kizzez and Hugz

♥ DJ, MY LOVE I love you to the moon and back! To infinity and beyond, +1. You are the best thing to ever happen to me. I love you!

♥ DOG KINGDOM Who’s my faves? Who wants snacks? Who’s the sweetest pals I know? That’s right, ITS YOU! Happy V-day guys. Ya think ppl will think we’re furries? :D

♥ DOM you’re my best friend. I miss you. Lets go see a movie.

♥ DONALD Every single day is more memorable than the last. I can only imagine living without you. What a world that would be. -HC

♥ DOODY You are my fucking favorite...I just can’t get enough of you...xoxo... Butt

♥ DOUBSTER.... Thanks for being my traveling companion over the past 30 years. It’s been a wicked journey and I’ve cherished every minute of it. Luffing you...Foufie

♥ DR. CHAOS MD Rabbits may be stupid but Pandas are Dumb! At least we have each other! In dust we trust!

♥ DR. GOAT The next year will be full of surprises and new adventures and I cannot wait to do it all with you! I love you to the mountains and back! Love, Monk

♥ DR. YUMMM Be my Valentine? - Missy

♥ DREAM LADY Thank you for making my dreams come true! I Love You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

♥ DREW F I adore you to pieces, distraction, etc. Can we be valentines? Yours, Ali

♥ DUKE Champagne with chips, the Redwood Deck, hut hikes and our cozy booth at Astoria Bistro; it’s been 11 years, valentine, will you still be mine?

♥ DUSSIN’S TUSSIN You’re creamy like pesto ranch, warm like a loaf of sourdough included with the meal. Are you the manager’s special? Or are you Spumoni tony?

♥ DUSTIN Could be a DJ, when I see you my heart beat changes tempo.

♥ HONEYPEACH Roses r red French ppl r snooty Don’t ever 4get I luv ur cute booty You’re so lovely. Excited for us to grow and go places. Xoxo -MM

♥ E-MAN I love you more today than yesterday but not as much as tomorrow. I love you to the moon and back! Happy Valentine’s Day to my hubby of 30 years!!

♥ EARTH WOMAN!!! What a year! Our furry brood increased,we saw new places,ate delicious food (Denver breakfast burrito!!), laughed and cried! A+ year,eh? LOVE YA!!

♥ EL DUBS I wanted nothing from you but your time; I’ll cherish ours fondly. I was hurt when we last spoke, but please never doubt that I love you, indefinitely

♥ ELI It’s all new & wonderful / Hope we never find this excitement getting old / I imagine I’ll always want to touch you / and hope you’ll always be bae

♥ ELIZABETH I have loved you for 31 years and I look forward to our next 31 years. You are always my valentine on every day of the year.

♥ ELLE the spring is cumming one of the best four seasons to smooch all over

♥ ELLIOT “Hang around, I’ll make a cock sucker outta ya!” - your loving wife

♥ ELLIOTGALS & BOOCREW My girls- You are bright stars in my life making a constellation of inspiration. Your talent, tenderness & intelligence give me strength. Love RayRay

♥ ELLY You are the fish oil cure to my aching sciatica. Thank you for always giving me the last bite and cool rags when I’m down. You are incredible

♥ EMA Your booty is as fire as your anime recommendations. Lets see black panther together then eat tons of vegan food and tater tots - nathan

♥ EMILY I think you’re cute. But I’ll probably never tell you. Cuz I’ll look like a weirdo. So I’ll say it here. -T

♥ EMILY I’m so lucky to be the Worf to your Dax. Happy Valentine’s, today and forever! Love, Tony

♥ ERIC Hey Sug... goddamn it, I love you.

♥ ERIC I love you more than cats love squeezing into tiny boxes. Love, Claire

♥ EST OLIVIA I could wake up to you all the days I get. Let’s bicker forever, laugh a lot and keep getting better at being ourselves. I love you but you know that

♥ ESTEPHANY You’re my best friend and worst secret keeper, and I love you! Thank you for loving, listening and being the best sister! :-)

♥ EVA You are the joy in my day, the smile on my face, the hope in my heart. You may not even be 3 yet but you fill my life with love.

♥ EVAN Happy Valentines Day to the love of my life, my best friend and the most amazing husband a girl could ask for! I love you, babe! Rachel

♥ EVAN I like you and I love you.

♥ EVAN When I think about you and us I just smile and laugh. I have spent the last 4 years getting to know you and I could spend 100 more. I love you babe!

♥ EXPLOSION Who knew two young kids who liked to get drunk and roll around naked on a bed of Doritos, listening to N.E.R.D and Yellowcard would dent the universe?

♥ FAITH Back to being trill with you

♥ FAMOUS You are MLC! She Bop, we rock, 80s pop! None of this is hustle yeah it’s all love. You are the key (West) to my heart. Happy VD my love.

♥ FANTASIA Looking into your eyes has me dreaming in the stars. When you’re around I know everything is okay. You’re fluffly, pink, and dangerously beautiful.

♥ FART HEAD Love you. From Fart head.

♥ FASHA Dad, u may be a total bonehead & we may not see 1another often enough but u luvd me so much that no matter the distance i always feel ur luv. -luv HPS

♥ FEM I love the shit out of you! Thanks for receiving my telepathic call. Yours Always SMW

♥ FLAMING FART I’ve been waiting all night...actually, my whole life, to meet you. We live our love daily. LET’S DANCE IN THE KITCHEN! I am so...Lucky! XOXOXOXO

♥ FLETCHER Today I will be fondly remembering the last two Valentine’s Days as they were pure magic. Never doubt that you are loved & cared about. -Gumdrop

♥ FMR It matters little which markers we use to count our trips around the sun. I’m enjoying the ride with you, space man. Loving..

♥ FOXY Each bite burns like fire As the love bug eats the soul The heart fills with warmth -Zoltar

♥ FRAN Every time I look into your beautiful, sky blue eyes, everything around me melts away. You make me remember the meaning of life. You make me whole.

♥ FRANCISCO DE BORJA G I couldn’t fit your name on the entry line, but it will be forever written on my heart.

♥ FRESH You beat me this year to the e-val, but we always win together. 15 years in love and I still

♥ FUNKYCHAZMAN You da bomb and I Love You

♥ FUTURE S.O. I’m quite excited to meet you. I’ve been looking for you for a while now, and 2018 will be the year that our adventure begins. See ya soon. Love, SMR

♥ FUZZY BAYO, Carry my body through space and time. You are my connection to the Universe and all that comes after. I am yours and you are mine. Love, Sweety Bayo

♥ GABE Thank you for your unconditional love, patience & tenderness. I am grateful for every day that passes with you by my side. I will love you forever.♥

♥ GABE You are my sweetest boi, the sweetest love. I want to spend all the holidays smooching with you! I love you!

♥ GAGER FROM THE 503 Please allow me to be the one to fart in YOUR mouth this Vday. I’ll eat well the day before I pinky swear laugh u booboo

♥ GAL GORE let’s cover ourselves in chili fries and dip dive plastic forks into each other’s navels. only you know that kind of romance. happy 9th, taquito lovr

♥ GARRETTIE Will you be my valentine? I love you!

♥ GATORBILLY You’re the skiddly-whoa to my hey-o, the PB to my J. Life is simply sweeter with you in it, I love you more each day. Happy hearts day, my husband! xo

♥ GEOFF Happy v-day baby! I appreciate everything that you do for me and Seamus. Sending you all of my love. Sophia

♥ GEORGE N For all you do. Many thanks. H

♥ GEORGIA Happy Valentines Day lovely human. May you pet all the best cats and dogs today.

♥ GEORGIA I love you. Thank you for loving me and my dog. She loves you, too.

♥ GHOULFRIEND You are my BTGG fantasy come to life. Huge boobs and a tiny vag are amazing, but your sweet spirit and smiling face are even better. I love you!

♥ GINA Although you’re from Iowa, you radiate PDX: A Chevy Bolt, the chickens, and dressing like you owe someone money. You’re my Fred Armisen. I love you!

♥ GINA Kisses! I love you baby. I look forward to spending time tending our gardens together.

♥ GINGERBREAD Soycurls are squishy Violets are Blue Food Fights Candy Is almost as sweet as you

♥ GLORIA ILOVEYOUILOVEYOUILOVEYOU ILOVEYOUILOVEYOUILOVEYOUILOVE YOUILOVEYOUILOVEYOUILOVEYOUILOVE YOUILOVEYOUILOVEYOUILOVEYOUILOVE YOUILOVEYOUHAVEMYBABYILOVEYOU.

♥ GO MAKE BAGEL 14 years under a red hot moon. You make me feel on Top Of The World. Winnebagos and Cats. Thanks for sticking through everything. Love you, Babe.

♥ GOAT FACE Just met U, but who knows. Laughing, talking and energy. Stop being silly and just kiss me! BTW, Roscoe will

♥ GOOBZILLA You are the one person that I will always share Mrs. Doubtfire gifs with. Can’t wait to marry you!

♥ GOONIE You are literally everything to me and Im so stoked to be able to call you my partner in crime. cant to continue our life long adventure. goon+lentil

♥ GOSLING You’re as perfect as pizza. Love you now and for the many adventures, mishaps, arguments, and laughs to come.

♥ GRACE You are so brave and beautiful! Wishing you a Valentines Day that is filled with candy and kitties. With Love, B

♥ GRACE SADIE Love you so much, Poppet. First year of marriage has been such a good time, looking forward to 30-60 more years xoxo Boo Bear.

♥ GRANT SUPERBOYFRIEND Yeah I love you... SO WHAT

♥ GREEN BEAN Happy Valentine’s Day, my honey bunches of oats! Thank you for loving me so fiercely, and unconditionally, everyday. I love you!

♥ GREG Ever since we met on New Years Eve 2015. I knew you were the one. Love you babe. Your the best. Love John

♥ GREG I want a long life of questing with you (even if that means we occasionally have to collect 100 bear asses). I love you soooooo much!

♥ GREG It started long ago, through ups and downs. Never needing riches or fancy gowns. We’re in sync; We’re quite a rhyme. Me love you long time. mary

♥ GRUNDLE You are my stink. You are my fart. You are my dumb. You are my farg. I love you and I love the creetch baby. Shh.

♥ H BEAR Roses are red, Our love’s everlasting; You wrote the book On the art of p-blasting.

♥ H FRAIDY You are the very girl. You make each day easier to face. I could not be the father and person I am without you. MFRL! Love, Jed

♥ HAEEUN Hope you’re having a nice Valentine’s day! Much love from Charlie.

♥ HALEY Even though we have only been dating for two weeks,I have a major crush on you. You the best thing since the directors cut of Dune. I heart u girl.

♥ HAMMY You make my heart twerk XOXO

♥ HANDS The whole gang loves you and so do I!

♥ HANDSOME I love you so much, you’re the only great thing to come out of the presidential election.

♥ HANDSOME JOE We love you even without your appendix. xoxo Lana, Finley and Baby Sister

♥ HANDSOME LOVE BUG 7/28/18 can’t come quick enough. Can’t wait to be your bride! You are the sweetest baby in the whole wide world. You are my love, my heart, my taco!

♥ HANDSOME THING You yhat my Yaris, tiki my Tonga, and melt my heart. All ways. With honey and rainbows. Whip me up some Dragon Lotion. Juicy little soup dumpling.

♥ HANK I’m not just reaching for that napkin in your hand. :) Love, Peggy

♥ HANNA XOXO Oh how I love the ‘scentually’ anticipation of your amazing ‘sendable kisses’ LSL!!! I hope my tales continue to tantalize your sexy senses!!! ;) ;)

♥ HANNAH We love you mom!! Happy Valentine’s Day!! Love, Alfie & Duncan

♥ HARRISON The last 6 months with you have taught me a lot. Thank you for everything. I never know what absurd thing is going to come out of your mouth. Ily Bex

♥ HARRISON, Thank you for a year full of love and Taco Bell.

♥ HAWAIIAN DREAM I met you December 10th , and can’t stop thinking about our nights on the beach amongst the shooting stars, whiskey and story telling. Happy Love Day!

♥ HAYDEN Bugs are gross except for one, He’s kind, handsome, & so fun. From Oregon to Japan & Italy soon, It’s only my love bug that makes me swoon!

♥ HAYS U are forest and I am sea, being together is my favorite place to be.Thx 4 our journey together. You sexy beast, U! Luv, your fave Marine Biologist

♥ HEATHER Happy Galentine’s Day to my favorite trashy movie partner in crime. Drinks laters, baby!

♥ HEIDI You thaw my frozen heart. Perhaps ship has sailed and I lost my chance. Know that I think you’re a beautiful woman and I will always adore you.

♥ HELEN-SUGAR U R sweeter than Sugar, hotter than Summer and rock my world on a daily basis. Thank you for letting me be your brillo-pad. I

♥ HERMAN From Sunstrip to the Olympic Penninsula. From Treehouse to the living room. Thank you for the epic adventures and beautiful memories. Love Herman

♥ HEY-ME We had a good run; I’m glad you’re happy. I miss C-M-G’s too. That might be awkward to hear... best, a small cat

♥ HIGHBRARIAN Thank you for always recommending the best horse books in the library to me. You are the only reason why I read. Everyone else is trash and I love you

♥ HOKU D.B. NEWTON Can’t wait for more crazy travels, side yard sun time, record discovery, culinary inventions, and celebrations in the garden of the ten of cups. xo

♥ HOLLY ELYSE We have moved on to our tenth revolution around the sun, and there is still no one I’d rather experience life on this crazy rock with. I love you. -B

♥ HONEY BUCKET Can you believe we’ve been living together for 8 years? I love you and your sweet caboose more than anything. Be my Valentine? xoxo, Laura

♥ HONEY BUNNY Hey, Sexy Sexy Sexy!! I love you more than anything!!! Things have been rough lately, but we will pull though it together!! P.S. I like your butt!!

♥ HONEYBEAR Almost two years and -- no lie -- I love you more every single day. Please be my best friend forever and don’t ever stop shakin’ dat booty. Yeh, bebe!

♥ HOT REDHEAD #1 I’m only submitting this because it’s your year to celebrate Valentine’s Day. Anything for My Princess.

♥ HOT SAUCE Happy Valentine’s to my silly, clumsy, sporty, nerdy girlfriend. Looking forward to another year of happiness. Love you!

♥ HOWARD Going on 15 years, you’re still my rock. Thank you for loving me and for putting up with the cats.

♥ HOWARD You are the best! And the best thing ever in my life. You deserve so much more than waffles. Love More than you know Your Wife

♥ HYDRA You’re so rad! I’ve been crushing on you hard, but was committed every time we cross paths. No longer is this bozo attached. I’m in need of spankins!

♥ IAN I love you more than a back-alley hooker loves crack. Thanks for putting up with me for another year. Happy Valentines Day! Keeses

♥ IKAILAI & SOULPAPA Lake,2 months on the earthside and you’ve filled my heart baby. Papa, you are the best daddy. Family magic 4ever

♥ ISABELLE Mon cher Birdy, j’aime, aime, aime tout ce que tu es et attends avec impatience tout ce que nous partagerons.

♥ ISAIAH You’ve toucha’d my heart and my spaghett

♥ ISMAEL D Cariño, te quiero mucho. Haces que me late el corazón. Espero que vivamos juntos agarrados de la mano hasta la eternidad.

♥ J Please don’t fart on me anymore. I’m being serious. Love, your pie.

♥ J3H Well, we did it- beautiful babies. They are pretty cool, but we are all set. Let’s do some other awesome things now.

♥ JACK You are the Keith to my Shiro, the Bakugo to my Izuku; lets be huge weebs together. May your layers always be where they’re supposed to be my darling.

♥ JACOB MY SEXY PANDA! Thanks for marrying this cougar. (Some will never understand our love; too bad for them.) Also for accepting my falafel-based proposal.

♥ JADEN You will always be my favorite taco. And hamburger. Love, c and kash

♥ JAIMEE You are the love of my life. I treasure you more than you know. You have given me so much love and encouragement , I aspire to be as kind as you.

♥ JAKE You’re the best snuggler around! I have the best time with you and I’m excited for what other fun things we’ll do. I’m so lucky to have you sweats :)

♥ JAKEYPOO Sweetie, you bring rainbows when my eyes rain. You are the tree & I am a leaf, falling for you. Your trunk penetrates my sunken earth & we are one.

♥ JAMI True love does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. You are my true love forever and always!

♥ JAMIE So glad I wasn’t scared off by your middle school mugshot! Love you even though you can’t make a fish face. Bearhugs XOXO, Katie

♥ JAMIS This year has been the most wonderful! I love you and I hope to be yours forever. You are my dream person! I will be brave for you. XXxoxoxo -bootie

♥ JANELLIMAL Valentine haiku: Crazy hair girlfriend; Glad you’re now my ex-girlfriend, five years my best wife...not to mention Christian’s favorite Mom. Love.

♥ JASARAM We love you forever & always, our potion-crafting, laser sword-wielding, dungeon-exploring, comic-crazed, snuggle-bugged, dirty trickster comedians!

♥ JASMIN You pull my heartstrings constantly and I want to make you feel like everyday is Valentine’s Day. Well... At least 3-4 days out of the week.

♥ JASON Stop being a butthead. You know you want me. Thoughts & prayers ~imoan

♥ JASON Thank you for loving my mom unconditionally even though she’s such a slag. Your days are numbered. Signed, Princess

♥ JASON E.D. You’re my favorite Loot Drop PDX score: rough around the edges. Like a vintage puzzle missing a piece or two, your charm is in your idiosyncrasies! KK

♥ JAYSONMYLOVE Thanks for being my Valentine the past 16 years. Can’t wait for what’s ahead. We love you, love Val and Baby Raiden-thanks for being an awesome Dad :)

♥ J-MAE You’re hotter than the hottest hot-wing smothered in hot n’ sexy-sauce! Please hand me a MOIST towelette, I made a mess... Forever, Ol’ MAN stinky29

♥ JEANETTE With your luscious lips, perfectly scattered freckles, and sunshine smiles you are a bright sparkle in my life. Miss your voice and face every day.

♥ JEANINE I can’t believe it’s our 3rd V-Day! I’m more in love with you than ever baby! You truly are the love of my life and woman of my dreams! I HELLA luv u!

♥ JEFF I never regret making you marry me. Let’s make next year better; it can’t be any worse than the last year!

♥ JEFF I really wanna stop but I just got the taste for it, I feel like I could fly with the boy on the moon. Enjoy those CRJ lyrics, my love.

♥ JELLY BEAN -- I love you so f$%#ing much. You’re the best emotional support animal a Sour Patch Kid could ask for.

♥ JEN This big nugget and our ittle nugget love you so much! Xoxo

♥ JENNIFERM Shine bright, Unicorn.

♥ JENNY Peaches I love everything about you. You brighten my day. I love all the adventures we do. Lets become centenarians together. Love ya to the moon!

♥ JERED You’ll always be my baby. Thank you for the thousands of wonderful days. Peas and carrots forever

♥ JEREMY S 14 Valentine’s days together....here is to 100 more. I love you. Seeing you is the best part of my day. Love you lots! - Mindy

♥ JESS be your own john wayne. go after everything and write and drive off into a high sierra sun set with intensity and love

♥ JESS You are all I see.

♥ JESSE I choose and love you everyday, and I will continue to until the day I die! Happy Valentine’s day penis breath!!

♥ JESSE It’s crazy to think that I’ve had a crush on you for 26 years! I still swoon inside when I think of you. I am forever grateful for your love. I

♥ JESSE Thanks for always being down to do last minute things. You are the best hubby. Now take me some place sunny for being such a rad wife. ~ Jesses Girl

♥ JESSICA Our love will last forever

♥ JESSICA We luv u more than mice popsicles, mice pie, bird tarts, mice cake, and even mice milk! You really are the bestica! Love, 3 and D. Fuck Max!

♥ JESSICA Your heart is a fish and mine is the sea. And like rhymes and riddles, why do they made out of, the bees? Love, Jessica

♥ JESSICA RA Even though you don’t live here anymore, I know you’ll see this. Keepin’ it alive. I love you, forever and ever and ever and ever and ever.

♥ JESSIE MOUSSE ROYALE Can you believe it? Four years! It has been a wild ride obtaining my Bachelor of Arts in Meerkat Studies. I love you more than Nemo loves meat. -Panda

♥ JHEA Thanks for being patient, accepting, & supportive. You made me feel special. I had a sweet time. I’m sorry I didn’t say more. I’d love to see ya soon.

♥ JHONNY Really glad we decided to skip Valentine’s this year... Anyway, no matter how many times you quote memes at me, I’ll still love you.

♥ JIB JIB You’re in Canada now, we miss you! Thank you for saving my life and thank you for loving me. Be mine, valentine. Love you. xoxo

♥ JILLIAN Will you be mine forever? I’m so happy we’re moving in together. You’re the best baby a daddy could have.

♥ JILLY Just B Cuz!

♥ JILLY-PEÑO With every passing day, my love for you grows. I never thought I would lucky enough to share my life with someone so amazing and strong. I love you!

♥ JIMMYMCSKIP Demonstrating love & affection U give so openly. I love the way U make me feel about U baby. Want the whole wide world 2 see. Best of my love. MS♥JS

♥ JIMSY-KUNこのダメ人間を愛してくれて、ありがとう。今年は5年目って、すごいだろう。これからもよろしくね。大好き!

♥ JJ You got your flu shot, so I can still love you. XOXO, A

♥ JO Happy Valentine’s Day!! Hopefully we get to spend it together this year :o) Thanks for making our first year together so special, let’s do it again

♥ JOE Here’s another fun fact about me: I was lucky enough to meet and marry the love of my life. Also, he’s a great dad. Straight up.

♥ JOE This is super lame but I can’t wait to not look at your face when you read this. Thank you for existing. I love you to the moon and back

♥ JOEMIL Still the yummiest gordito around! We is, siempre and forever, mi amor. Now come to me so I can squeeze you.

♥ JOHN, Please come back home. We miss you, and this Valentine’s Day is going to be a sad one without you. Love, Me and the Cats

♥ JOHNNIE KEITH My Forever Valentine, Happy Valentine’s Day! Love You...Your Honey Wigner, Rosemarie

♥ JOHNNY STREET Happy Valentines Day Baby! Enjoy the cool drinks and blue water while I’m by your side.

♥ JOHNNY UTAH Surfing the cosmic waves with you has always been the best ride. So lets pack another bowl get the girl and save the day!!! Love you forever Bodhi.

♥ JOHNNY WILD SPIRIT Roses are red, baby poop can be blue, we’re so grateful to share the ever so busy moments of this sweet life with you! Handsome I love you like crazy

♥ JOHNNY-BEAR Thanks for the last 18yrs. For being my best friend. For camping even though you hate it. For making me feel beautiful & strong. For loving me. -Erin

♥ JOHNW. The bartender at Satyricon who poured a broken-hearted lady a stiff drink & now 9 yrs, 7 countries, 4 homes, & 3 pets later, you’re my everything!

♥ JON Best I Ever Had - A

♥ JON Come bother me. Xoxo

♥ JON Thank you so much for finding me. I love you so much. You are an incredible father, husband, son, and brother. You deserve all the love in the world.

♥ JON Whelp. This is awkward. (Just kidding. I love you. Let’s go eat pasta and ride spaceships. Can I touch your butt?)

♥ JON MY LOVE Love ya honey. I hope this lasts. Eeshh

♥ JON, You’re still the one that makes me laugh Still the one that’s my better half We’re still having fun, and you’re still the one. love u endless, Di

♥ JONATHAN I can’t wait until you find out that I’m in love with you. –K

♥ JONATHAN You are my cat’s meow

♥ JONATHON I’m so happy you’re my person. I love you the most.

♥ JONNY We love you, thanks for taking such good care and keeping us in your bed all these years. K, B, M, C, O, and Otis

♥ JOOJ My world quaketh, my booty shaketh, when you utter those dulcet syllables into my ear: FUCK-O. You sweet talkin’ cheetah with a heart full of aplomb.

♥ JOSETTE! Josette de la rue des Martyrs! Every moment with you, always better than the last, is a slice of paradise. Tu es ma meilleure-ica. Je t’aime!

♥ JOSH To the king of all pooty pooters. I know we’re apart this V Day, but I want you to know I’d wait in the longest line of elephants for you.

♥ JOSH You have made all my dreams our reality. I will always be your partner, your friend, your lover and your valentine Amy

♥ JOSH, I love growing old with you. Here’s to another year. All my love - J

♥ JOSHIMAL My 1TL and such a hottie Even when you’re driving Dottie Almost married 5 years To that I say, “Cheers!” So grab your chit and lets get naughty!!

♥ JOSHUA I love you’re jelly lips. I love your jelly buns. See you back at ours.

♥ JOSHUA THE GUITARIST YOU are the wind beneath my wings, love you FOREVER! Love, Love

♥ JOSIE CAT Our relationship is everchanging...Today and Future O n J will navigate thru the waters, woods n sand together. Acorn sisters

♥ JP Being your koala is the best part of my life. Here’s to adventuring & cuddling for another 6 decades. It still won’t be enough time for all the books.

♥ JSB You’re my best friend and I couldn’t be happier that I can now call you my wife. I love you more every day. Love, your Husbo.

♥ JTOWN COMET OF LIGHT I hope to get weird with you forever, holding your hand through each new adventure. You’re the stars to my sky, the storm to my weather. I love you!

♥ JUBEE You da best, love you tons. Sorry I’m a grumpy asshole sometimes. Our kids are awesome. Kisses and V-day wishes to you baby.

♥ JUDITH On our anniversary I can think only of you. I smile thinking of all the Valentine’s days I’ve shared with you, my beautiful wife.

♥ JUDY Hey you sweet and sexy thing! You’ve given me so much love and, um..attention over the past year(!) I’m still stunned (and a little sore!).Luv ya! RBJ

♥ JULEE I love you ROCKSTAR. Will you be my valentine?

♥ JULES “Bicycling is a big part of the future. It has to be. There’s something wrong with a society that drives a car to workout in a gym.”— Bill Nye

♥ JULES Ti amo mi amore. I love you forever and ever! Thank you for all you do and here’s to the adventures awaiting us.

♥ JULES You continue to be the beauty in my life. I enjoy every moment with you, most especially moments like the one we had while I was writing this. Always.

♥ JULIE Anudder one!! I can’t believe we have two beautiful boys. I wouldn’t want to take on this challenge with anybody else. I love you more than ever!!

♥ JURRD Did you know that Puxatawnee Phil was a slaveowner? I love you! Kurrd

♥ JUSTIN Fuck, I love you -M

♥ JUSTIN Seeing you being such a great dad makes me love you more each day. Can’t wait for the next adventure with N#2. Thank you for being you!

♥ JWW You are an incredible man and the best Daddy in the world. I am forever grateful for your presence in my life. ~your girl

♥ JZO We met in TX. It is hot there. You’re hotter. I love you like snacks. Oh yeah one more thing. You’re better than government. It’s true like your eyes

♥ K Having you back in my world has been amazing, fulfilling, and oh-so-romantic. Hope I’ve done the same for you. Let’s try Seattle again soon! Love, J

♥ K DAWG I’m glad we made it official.

♥ K KU i love you from your head to your boobs to your toes.

♥ K L H HYPHEN B My honey bee, you’re the one for me

♥ K.B.K.J.M Here we are, 6 valentines later and I just keep loving you more and more. You mean the world to me. I enjoy every moment we’re together. I Love you!XO

♥ KAELIN I take back everything I said last year Love David

♥ KAILI(BABYGIRL) I just wanted to tell you and everyone else in Portland I LOVE YOU and im not going anywhere thanks for making my life amazing you are my babygirl

♥ KAINOA I love you without knowing how or when or from where. You are the sinoatrial node to my heart, the Dana to my 44, and the coco to my nut. Love, wifey

♥ KALEY I’m tremendously lucky to be married to someone with such a pure, caring heart. Thanks, too, for being my best friend. I’ll love you always.

♥ KALI, MY MOON Happy first Valentine’s Day since we got married! My gay heart wants to shower you in Doc Martin’s and floral ties. To us and our growing family -Kate

♥ KAREN You are such an amazing woman and the best girlfriend anyone could ask for. Thanks for always being there for me. Love Ken

♥ KARL Your collar bone hair is the apple of my eye. It is my dream to be together and watch it grow forever.

♥ KARLFRIDAY Cheers, schatzi!

♥ KASI You go by many names in our household: cutie butt, smootchy butt, honey bunny, lil poot, and more. However, the most important is, “My beautiful wife”

♥ KAT Suppose you’re thinkin’ about a plate of shrimp. Suddenly someone’ll say, like, plate, or shrimp, or plate of shrimp. Be the Otto to my Miller

♥ KATE It all started with a handcrafted Valentine last year. I kept and looked at it everyday as it sat on my back desk. You have had my heart ever since.

♥ KATHLEEN, Thank you for being so wonderful. For loving us as you do. Together we go forward in love. Adventure awaits us!

♥ KATIE (JUDY) F. Happy Valentine’s Babycakes! This is gonna be our best year yet! :-) I am so proud of all your accomplishments this past year, Love You Most!

♥ KATIE AND SRI You are the best roomies, landlords, family, and life long friends a lady could ask for. I love you both!! (And Dug! You are a good boy!)

♥ KATIE LADY All these years later, I am still deeply in love with you, and you are sexier than ever. You taught me how to be a good man. I love you ALWAYS&4EVER

♥ KATIE Y. To my dearest newly wed Wife Happy Valentines! I love you and cherish you!

♥ KATIECLIPSE I’m not a skeptic...magic by any other name is still magic...and magic is wonderful... ;)

♥ KBOOGIE You’re a feast to my eyes & a challenge to my sanity. But after all these years you’re still the only man for me. Let’s grow old together.

♥ KEATY, HeartDayy you are my favoriteeeee :)) Cunntt wait to see youuu , I love youuu babeeee Snail kissessss Siri

♥ KEEGAN heh heh heh! heeeee, awwwwrrmphhh. heh heh heh! Licks, Nama

♥ KEEGAN where love has no end, and peace fills the space between, we are welcome there

♥ KEH From whippits to threeways, from getting drunk, getting in trouble, & getting high - love has many different faces - here’s to six years & many more

♥ KEITH I miss drinking sangria and jib jabbing with you. And it’s so cute you have an aol email still. Happy Valentine’s Day. Lets get naked soon. Love maria

♥ KELLIE G Best mom best friend best unicorn ever!

♥ KELLY I have a malignancy in my prostate but when you’re in my arms, it’s benign.’

♥ KELLY You are the coolest human. You’re better than Bee Movie

♥ KELLY AKA BOOPIE XoXoXoXoXoXoX It’s official!! You have my heart, sweet DP. How fun to commemorate our 5th VDay together in this way. I LOVE YOU!! XoXoXoXoXoXoXoX

♥ KELLY G Best mom best friend best unicorn ever!

♥ KELLY M I love you so much and I love you more every day

♥ KELSEY I’ll swim the ocean for you The ocean for you Whoa, oh Kelsey I love you sooo much!

♥ KENDRA AKA BUTTHOLE Oh, with all that I’ve done wrong, I must have done something right To deserve a hug every morning, And BUTTHOLE KISSES at night. Love you xoxoxo

♥ KENNETH Happy Valentines Day Honey! So proud of all that you have accomplished. I’m beyond grateful. I love you babe! Love, Your Super Hot Girlfriend

♥ KESHA Candy popper!! Happy Valentines Day 2018. It’s my favorite day so I thought I would let everyone in Portland know I love you. I love you Kesha!

♥ KEVIE Happy Heart Day wishes to my most valuable valentine! Let’s get something good to eat! Love, Cute Stuff

♥ KEVY POO I luv u more then u love fly fishing, anything sweet, both our kitties put together, even driving w/ no traffic. U r my bonehead 4EVA

♥ KFF I’m with you thru “fairy tale village & cheese picnic” times + “taxi scams & food poisoning & accidentally buying agua con gas” fiascoes, always.

♥ KIM & JAZZ Happy Galentine’s Day! So happy our journeys have crossed paths out here. I appreciate & love you gals more than you know. Love, Ash

♥ KIMBERLY B I love your fucking face! I do love you. I do. I’m sorry shit gets so hard sometimes. Happy V-Day babes. Let’s have some fun today! XO Siggy

♥ KIMBERLY NOEL Love of my life it’s been 30 years and I love you more each and every day. Always and forever yours my darling beautiful wife, XOXO Dave

♥ KIMBERT EYESTAIN I’ll always be the ho in your garden. Thanks for being such an amazing friend mama! xo jason

♥ KIMMIE Possible love for someone: My love for you. Happy Vday! Love, (shh) dada dada.

♥ KIMMY I don’t have many “emotions”, but you always remember to check doesthedogdie.com before we watch a movie, anyways. True. Love.

♥ KINOKO You are the most beautiful, talented creative lil bunny sloped babe I have ever known. Thanks for taking me & so many others to worlds of wonder luv u

♥ KIRA “I just wanna lay my head on your chest, so I’m as close as it gets to your heart.” Wife I love you to the moon and back. Be mine.

♥ KIRA You are magic! *

♥ KISKA I love you with all my heart! I am so grateful for the community that you have given to me, and for the love you spread in this fine city. LYLAS

♥ KISS ME KATE The adventure never ends with you. We are soon to be nomads on our quest to leave this country for Belize. I’m looking forward to it. I love you. YSM

♥ KIT ‘Till men are fairytales in books written by rabbits and the moon packs up her light show and goes home, you will be my brightly shining. Love, L

♥ KITTEN PAUL Meh. Love, Stroopie

♥ KRAZY KIWI There are no hands as magic as yours! When your fingers are locked around me, pumping like there’s no tomorrow, I’m in blissful heaven. I love you!!

♥ KRISTINE I want to get back on meds for you!! You deserve at least that much. But first we need to do shrooms together.

♥ KRISTY We’ve gone through so much together and I love you more than ever. Things aren’t always perfect but I love the little life we’ve made for ourselves

♥ KRYSTAL Thanks for being the best roommate and best friend I’ve had in Portland! Can’t wait to watch bad Hulu shows and drink wine with you on Valentine’s.

♥ KT My perfect V-day date: pizza and cheap wine in our new house. You can come too.

♥ KT You will always be...my gorgeous Kel, the very best kind of distraction, my best lunch time playmate, snuggled in your back is my favorite place to be

♥ KT, You are my meow and I am a love you! I am going to spend the rest of my life gettin dem snuggs and dat boot.

♥ KURTIS I love you as much today as I did when we first kissed. If I had my way and money not an issue, we’d hang out all day every day & it would be GLORIOUS

♥ KYLE AND NEKO, You are my BBs, my loves, my little beast, my little family! I love you and will always give you scratchies and meats! xoxo kp

♥ KYOUNGRYOUNG Of Course you are whole world away but you still have my heart wit you always. You are the best.

♥ KZ You broke my heart last year(!) So why do I still love you? Every day you’re the first thought in my mind when I wake up and the last before I sleep.

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♥ L You have such an amazing mind & body. I can’t thank u enough cuz I’m an idiot. Btw sorry to be so crass but u hv the greatest ass.U deserve the best.A

♥ LALE Lovely Darling Lale! Thanks for exploring this globe together for the 10 yrs! What a hoot to ride, paddle, pedal, & stroll around the world with you!

♥ LARA. You’re the best bouk, thanks for moving me here sweetie

♥ LAURA Happy divorce! This year will be the best- you deserve it. You always did all the work anyways. Love, your Portland friends

♥ LAURA & BEVERLY Happy Valentines Day! Here’s to many more violent and adult themed episodes of Altered Carbon and life sized teddy bear destuffings.

♥ LAURA FAY You give me tummy bugs, and they itch every day! Thanks for the load you shot into my heart, I love ya. Sooo glad we ignored Dan Savage’s advice!

♥ LAUREN Not last year; but the two prior, meant to write you something sweet. This year all ready shaping up to be so much sweeter. Thanks dude. Love, Mario.

♥ LAUREN You are the Mohammad Ali of callipygian! You really are the greatest. I adore you. Thank you for always keeping it special and fun!!

♥ LAURENGE And now it’s been officially ten years. I know you haven’t had the best year, so I can’t wait to see when things get better. Love always. XOXO --Russ

♥ LAURIE I just wanted to let you know that you are amazing. I know things have been tough lately, but I love you more than I ever have. I love you so - M

♥ LÉ MONSTÈRE Here’s to second chances, children and menu changes, my fierce warrior Chef-Queen, my love!! UR the Xavier to my Magneto. I love the fuck outta u!! XO

♥ LEC Hey boo, thanks for keeping that booty delicious after all this time. Can’t wait to eat it forever.

♥ LEMON You are my favorite person in the whole wide world, forever and ever.

♥ LESLIE L I know you read the Mercury every week and hopefully when you read this you’ll start thinking of me. (Listen to Flamingos-Mio Amore) Always, Charles.

♥ LEVI Two ones!? I know we’re all adjusting to life as a family of 4, but there’s really no one else I’d rather have by my side on this adventure. I love!

♥ LIAM Pure of heart, independent, kind. Innocence intact, sharp like a knife. The world is lost to you. Piercing blue sky, red sunset wandering in the wood.

♥ LIBBY Happy 3 year anniversary! I love you so much. Being with you fills my days with joy. I look forward many nights huddled with you around a camp fire.

♥ LIFE GIVER Thnx 4 birthing me into this shitty ass world & making sure I know that life is worth living by showing me more luv then any1 could ever no. I loue u!

♥ LIGHT O’ MY LIFE Nothing beats waking up next to you, except maybe going sampling with you, taking care of His knees, or listening to you read. Here’s to the next 15+!

♥ LIL NILLIE You make our heart sing! Happy Valentines Day to the best wife, friend and dog Ma two could ever ask for! We luv ya tons!! Jeff & Rita

♥ LIL PEEP Im not religious but I am trying yo believe you are in a better place with my cat Humper. I love you. You are forever in my heart.

♥ LILAH Always thinking you, bb-san.

♥ LIL’ SCOOPER Here’s to hoping that our second date is as good as the first. Let’s make babies?

♥ LILLY It has been good hanging out, and while I am still smitten, platonic works. You are an incredible person, and I am happy to call you a friend. - J

♥ LINDA You’re my prince, you’re my frog, you’re my toad, you’re my snake. Love, Michala

♥ LINDA KAYE Ima lova,lova,lova you my soulmate.

♥ LINDSAY The tradition continues! You’ll never know if this is Alec or Jessica but no matter who it is I/we love you very much!

♥ LINDSEY Here’s to another year of 5Ks and rice bowls. Love yoy

♥ LINTY TOOTS Happy valentines days smoochie! You are a true gentleman and scholar XxOoXxxOOoXXOOx

♥ LISA You are my rock! LT, Harry and I are the luckiest animals out there! Love you TONS

♥ LITTLE MISS It’s been such a weird, tough year. But I’m grateful to find us still standing by each other. I love you more and more. Be my sexy Valentine? --Rob

♥ LIZ Check it out! Lizard + The Wizard!

♥ LIZ, “TRADITION”...”tradition” With giggles and swoons, MAX PS- I also thought “MADE YOU LOOK!” would be funny.

♥ LIZZY I miss you more than millennials are missing Snapchat’s old format

♥ LOG JAMMER This year will be remembered as International Fuck Fest 2018! Let’s see if we can’t also buy a house and join the Mile High Club! Love, Can’t Finish..

♥ LORD FRANK Would love to have your hands on me..... Always your sweet kitten... and Lady. Happy Valentines’s Day Handsome! Love those hugs!!!

♥ LOVAH LOVAH Happy anniversary. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy & content.I love you more than anything or anyone...for anytime;past, present & future.

♥ LOVE OF MY LIFE... I miss you when you’re not near me, I need your touch, your lips, your smell, your presence near me.

♥ LOVEGIRL I know it is incredibly cliche but there is really nothing more to say You are my everything And I will love you forever - beyond the end of time

♥ LOVEKIM What if we had never met would I still be a marionette dancing along your strings? Though we were so very far apart you still found my beating heart.

♥ LOVELY LAURA Hope you still feel like I am the right1 You thought I’d forget and not write1 Lets go on a D8 n stay out 2 late I’ll show U my heart n my big 1

♥ Lovely Lobkin! I adore you. Thank you so much for being in my life. I hope you have the best year ever, and I hope to spend more time with you.

♥ LOVER TITS I love you...more than life. P.S. Moose Cock!

♥ LOVERBUNNY love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you longtime better park of a decade

♥ LUCILLE I love you and the life we’re building together. These past 5 years have been the best of my life, and I’m looking forward to many, many more.

♥ LUCY FIRE I love u I’m so glad to finally meet my true soulmate you’ve made my life comple

♥ LUE Eliza’s alright but you’re the REAL best of wives and best of women. Can you tell I’ve been doing my homework?!? XOXO

♥ LUEBELL I am so glad I am your mom.You are the best thing on this planet buona notte always. Mommy

♥ LUKE I’m in lesbians with you Trink

♥ LULU “Old man, get out of the seat near me so the cute guy can sit next to me.” And then I did... Love you, bing bong!

♥ LUNCH SQUAD This last year together has been so incredible. U keep my heart and stomach full. U know how to always make me laugh. Y’all the buzz to my woody. ILY

♥ LYNDSE I love you so much!

♥ MACKIN My favorite weirdo. How lucky we are to have found each other. I love you!

♥ MADDY I wallaby your valentine. Signed, a local knife expert. PS: I’m serious about the couch

♥ MADELINE I will always love you, ya weirdo. You will always have my heart.

♥ MADELINE May our threads forever cross, no matter the paths that we may weave. Yours always, Tommy-o.

♥ MADWOOD Somedays are better than others, but no day is complete in your absence. The memories of you, carry me through and right into your arms, again. #aott

♥ MAGGIE It’s not like this is a new thing, but we keep loving each other and the sun keeps rising and setting and I feel lucky that it’s you I wake up beside.

♥ MAGIC MAN You fill me up when Im empty, you feed me vegetables, feet together in bed,magic of loving myself overflows to the love I feel for you, Honey Dragon

♥ MAGICBUZ Let the Good Times roll! Always! Cheers!

♥ MAGS You are so wonderful and sweet to me. You are the light of my life and i love you so much! To another 8 years and mote fun to come.

♥ MAGS You’ve been the best thing to happen to me in quite a while. I don’t even mind your cats poopie feet.

♥ MAILMAN NICK Hi my lovey hi my sweetie hi my baby. I love you SO MUCH. XOXO

♥ MAMA (LORETA) Mama, Thank you so much for everything you do

♥ MAMA BEAR I love thee Mama with hair like silk, lips like cherries, skin like milk. Your shell like ears, and eyes so black, like frying pans. Love, Bear Head

♥ MANIC PIXIE DREAMBOY The chemistry is undeniable the circumstances are not optimal. You’re mean, I’m crazy, we should’ve at least met up for coffee. I want my print 11x14.

♥ MARCK Your scent of Carolinian tumbleweed or last nights pizza, I don’t know which I prefer — but I love you nonetheless even though you love ikea more.

♥ MARGARITA MATT Every day that I wake up and see you next to me, I know I’m the luckiest person alive. I love you forever

♥ MARIE, The last 5 years have been the most wonderful & fulfilling in my life; the rest of our lives can’t come fast enough. I love you with all of my heart!

♥ MARK I’m more in like with you than I was when we married. I love you but I’ll have to be buried (or cremated preferably). No taxidermy Forever & Always E

♥ MARK You’re my favorite human and I adore you -m

♥ MARKMOTOHEAD May your days be bright, your motors run strong, your projects get done, and our love burn long. Happy Valentines Day # 20, here’s to many more. Xoxox

♥ MARS We’ve waited so long for each other; knowing we deserve this. Thank you for being my goddess! I live to worship you and savor your affection.

♥ MARY I’m sorry for ruining Valentine’s day last year. I was a fool but I’m workin on that. Do-over in 2019? I still believe in us. I miss your tiny boobs

♥ MARY you’re such a wonderful shining light, you’re beautiful and you’re sweet and I’m so glad we found each other

♥ MARY B. Will you be my Valentine you foxy vixen I love you so much and I don’t know what I would do without you. P.S. Sammy loves you 2

♥ MARY JO You don’t love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear. Luv U!

♥ MARY LOU I know I’m being cheesy, but it’s true. I’ll never find anyone quite like you. I truly love you, my darling Mary Lou.

♥ MARY’S CLUB DANCERS and staff: I’m continually in awe of what amazing badasses y’all are. Thanks for creating a community open even to wayward bankers. Love, your client

♥ MASTER DADDY SIR M’L I crave your whispers & kisses on my neck. I long to worship your magnificent manhood. I submit to your orders & enthusiastically accept my rewards!

♥ MASTER OF MY UNIVERSE I remember how I felt when you said” I think I’m failing in love with you” I still feel that way now, I lover you my Belli

♥ MATT for your corny jokes and teasing. for being by my side at every up and every down. for making these past few weeks bearable. i love you.

♥ MATTHEW JAMES You are the love of my life & I am so happy that we are together. You make me so proud & I am excited to see where life takes us. Samson loves you too

♥ MATTY It’s been a little over a year since we met, & already I can’t imagine my life w/o you in it. You make me a better person, & I love you so very much!

♥ MAU-CA Of all the happiest, luckiest days in my life, The best must surely be the day I first kissed you. And my happiest dreams just keep on a-coming true

♥ MAUREEN You are the best wife a man could ever ask for I love you more each and everyday

♥ MAV LOML I have waited my whole life for you and cannot wait to continue our life together with loads of laughs & love. TOPIC, be mine! X o X o X

♥ MAX “Always remember, there is nothing worth sharing like the love that lets us share our name.” 5 years and going strong, I love you more every day. -Boo

♥ MAX I love you more than Frank loves rum ham. Happy Valentine’s Day! -- Sarah

♥ MAXO We go together like Boss Ross and trees. Lets go get some Toadstool. Like right now. Love, Callie.

♥ MAYA I’m looking forward to another year of forest hikes, lazy Sundays, and cooking adventures with you! Love, A.

♥ MAYOR WHEELER Big thanks for carrying water with the $450m freeway expansion. Couldn’t have got fossil-fuel infrastructure in town without your help! Yours, ODOT

♥ MÍ VIDA No matter where we end up or how long it takes to decide, soy tuya. Para siempre, en donde sea. La S ama a la Yadi

♥ MCGOO Once you were unknown/to me, you made me mortal/Now you’re my heart’s orchestra

♥ MCKENNA I love you forever! You are the best wife, friend and adventure partner in the world! Beedoo

♥ ME I love you even if no one else does

♥ MEANEY I’ll love you forever and miss you even longer. Thanks for being the best friend a girl could ask for. xoxo sb

♥ MEEMS! Check it out, my V Day shout-out to you was published in the paper! If this isn’t love, then love doesn’t exist. (I better get laid for this) Mooms

♥ MEGADOODLE You are still the prince wife of my heart, the best human, and the one I love most...second only to Maya...just kidding, it’s a tie!

♥ MEGC Portland has roses Monkshood is blue No number of crows remember all my luv 4 U choo choo choose me

♥ MEGGGY Me and fuzzbutt (aka BAE) love you very much.

♥ MEL I love you more every day. There isn’t a day that goes by that I wonder if you’re the one for me. I’m so happy you said yes.

♥ MELINDA Valentines doesn’t mean much to me, but you mean everything to me. So happy Valentine’s Day mom!

♥ MELISSA I am breathing, trusting, and believing that we will be able to have pie together. xxox Papa Smurf

♥ MERCURY STAFF Thanks for all your hard work, and for being my much adored Portland family.

♥ MERIDIAN u love having stinks. every day a new stink. and u love it. ur eyes shine brighter than frank ocean. thank u for being here c u soon haha

♥ MESSY BEAR *My heart is spoken for, completely realized, fulfilled, and all yours. I want for nothing. Boom-arm outstretched. I love you. I love you forever.

♥ MF Happy Valentines Day! I

♥ ~MICHAEL~ I LOVE YOU~ YOU ARE MY ULTIMATE DREAM CRUSH, THE MOST HANDSOME, THE BEST KISSER~ I WISH WE MET IN MIDDLE SCHOOL, BUT AT LEAST WE CAN PRETEND WE DID.

♥ MICHAEL you’re my favorite xo

♥ MICHAEL B Nine Valentine’s Days and I am still crazy about you after all these years and my head is still spinning. Let’s go to a concert! Love you

♥ MICHAELB To the Sweetest Sweetie in the Whole Wide World! I

♥ MICHEAL, I adore you, my best friend and life love! Joyous times flow through us with such sweet grace. I’m forever grateful your presence in PDX and my life!

♥ MICHELE Lil’ darling,I feel that ice is slowly melting Honey,it seems like years since it’s been clear Here comes the sun and I say Its all right. xo, mike

♥ MICHELLE‍ You are fucking beautiful!! Ohhhhh.... and dat ass Let’s get stoned and hang out soon

♥ MICIFU We started with some flatties now we’re here! You and Nacho are my entire world. I love you both so much and couldn’t be happier in life. Besos amor!

♥ MICRO Hey lovey beans 6 years and thousands of beers! I love you more than hairspray and sequins! Xoxo

♥ MIDGE Here’s to all the fun and rubby goodness we share. You’re the most handsome, sexy, fun guy a gal could have as a partner in crime. xoxoxoxo Gidge

♥ MIDGE Rolling into another year, looking forward to it all, your imperfectly perfect BF is declaring his love for you and Paul McCartney. Deal! xoxo GIDGE

♥ MIDNIGHT MATTY You’re the best I ever had, and you know it. Read this and come find me...I’ll bring the rope! I love you forever ps

♥ MIKE 20+ years of Valentines Day! From our early days of homemade cards and dinners to the fancy meals we shared as 2. I’ve loved every one. Love Kami

♥ MIKE THE GROWNUP We are here to propose! Be our son’s godfather!

♥ MILLS ;* the sun to my moon, the flaker to my hardi b, the pee to my anal -you’re my fav lil cutie. let’s keep discussin liquid, mixed bags, and puggers forev!

♥ MISS POOPS I rub you so so much! - Mister Toots

♥ MISSMISS i relish our lifelong adventure. love to catsup with you soon. once we’ve mustard marriage, we can do anything. mayo love me forever like i do you.

♥ MISTER MAN You might suggest I dream of robot bodies & zinnias, of ocean waves & evergreens, of starships & stretchy socks, but I always & only dream of you.

♥ MLE Another year of adventures! I know we’re both psyched for you to have your own place, we’ll get there soon!

♥ MOE Happy Valentines Day Babe! You are the best, most hard working, smart, intuitive, funny, caring and best guy I know and I am so lucky. Handsome too ;)

♥ MOISAN Happy Valentines Day I love you baby! Smooth LD

♥ MOLLY I love you more than Kirby loves apple sticks!

♥ MOLLY, MY BFF I was in love the first time I ever laid eyes on you and it’s grown each and every year. Thanks for letting me join you on this wild ride of life. MWA

♥ MOLLZ BALLZ 2 WALLZ I LOVE YOU MORE THAN PIZZA!

♥ MOM AND DAD Thank you for always taking care of me when I’m sick, looking after me when in healthy and paying for my massive obsession with circus. I love you!

♥ MOMMA MSW Whether listening to Keak da Sneak or E-40 like we used to, geeking out on some Carcassonne, or raising a child, I cherish our journey. 143 Nubh minh!

♥ MOMMY A you are the best mommy ever xoxo nora

♥ MOMO I can be a bit squirrelly from time to time, but there’s no otter chipmunk I’d rather crack shellfish with. All the bear hugs, laughter & love - B.

♥ MONKEY I’ve lived to see your glory. You are my wonders great and small. Someday this tomcat you will marry. There’s hope for our ass after all. -Beetle

♥ MONKEY LOVE BISCUIT You’re my hero and my lifesaver and I don’t know what I’d do without you. Let’s ignore all of our responsibilities and run away to Paris.

♥ MONSIEUR PHILIPE Here’s to 16 years of adventures, music, book group, homemade gluten free bread, and extra long snuggles. You are my new (and old) favorite! love, e

♥ MOOLS Thanks for staying the Whiskey Pringles to my Lizard Man-Baby! I love you more than mini pigs and the WWE, and I love the WWE. Beep! Beep!

♥ MORGAN While I deeply enjoy our correspondence, I eagerly anticipate having you in my mouth, again.

♥ MOTHERTREEBIRD Thank you for keeping our tree blooming and our bird singing. Amazing ornithologist dendrologist May I Let Fly. Lets take a tumble under the moon.

♥ MR. DOUTIBATUM

♥ MR. NAPNAPS Maru tonight? Vodka shots on me...literally.

♥ MR. NIGHT VIVA LA SANCHO!!!

♥ MR. SEELEY After 3 years of bicoastal life: we get to finally be together in the big apple this year. I love you, darling. - Mrs. Seeley

♥ MR. WINDY Together, we will crush 2018 as an unstoppable force! Let the margaritas and nachos overfloweth! Wonder Twin powers activate! Form of... eternal love!

♥ MR.D You are my pen to my paper, pancake to syrup, cookies and milk, heart to chest cavity. We just are meant to be! Love you now and forever. MrsD

♥ MRS HOBSON I will love you forever and always. You mean the world to me and are my world. You make everyone smile and your the kindest person I know

♥ MRS WINDY You now I love you more than seagulls love garbage, but goddammit, if you don’t stop making popcorn, you’re OUTTA here! XOXO

♥ MRS. D I said I’ll make you smile for the simple fact I’m good at it, I’ll make you smile just so I can sit and look at it. Happy Valentines day! Mr. D

♥ MULDER Oh baby, don’t you go all supernatural on me, supernaturally!

♥ MW Valentine’s Day is super lame. Being your valentine is super duper. Thanks for being the sexiest ever. E. B.

♥ MY BOSS It’s been bittersweet to watch you plan your wedding. She loves you but I love you too. I hope this doesn’t make things awkward. Dutifully, Willow.

♥ MY CHEECHEEE ILY more than all the other cheecheees in the world. Thanks for being such a standup human, partner, & friend! You make my life sweeter in every way.

♥ MY DEAR BRIGHT EYES You are my morning ray of sunshine, my warmth of a new day, and my shimmering falling stars. I love you.

♥ MY GIRL You fill my heart with love. Jerk. I am grateful for you every day. More tartar sauce please.

♥ MY HUSFOX What a hunk. Your beautiful smile & gorgeous eyes, you are a dream. Your love is pure gold. I love you with all of my heart. #husfox

♥ MY LITTLE BABY I love you so much. Even if youre a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and your butt smells and you like to kiss your own butt Love, TBHM

♥ MY LITTLE CAN BEANS You are my favorite person. You are my little breadstick, my precious pipper. Let’s make a little barnacle. Namaste.

♥ MY LOVELY JAIME You are the funniest, most compassionate, beautiful, and better at most board games than me. Life would suck without you in it. Love always Doug

♥ MY LOVELY M, I love you. And before you ask, it’s because you are loving, driven, beautiful, clever and really sassy. Life with you is joyful. Your loving man, TLC

♥ MY MAN MIKE So many ‘bonding opportunities’ in our near, 18 years together : ) Proud, grateful & still excited to be your’s, always & forever. ~Michele.

♥ MY MEL There are not words for the amount of love I have for you. May our future be filled with love and happiness

♥ MY SWEET LOVE BUB I love you w/all my heart. Thank you for allowing me to be the mighty Sequoia deep in your forest. You help me be a better man every day. Happy V Day!

♥ MY THREESOME Happy Valentine’s Day to my threesome! Love you both very much & wishing you the most fabulous day! *MUAH*

♥ MYLINDA my Sweet Sexy Awesome ‘S.B.U.’ what a fun, wild n crazy ‘17!!! my heart won’t let go...what will be in ‘18??? your story...my Amazing Princess, LSL!

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♥ N I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

♥ NANCY Quit flying drones into Christmas trees. You’re still cute without amazing chest hair. Love c n j

♥ NAOMI Sweet, surreal, sustenance, surrender, serene, serendipity. U are my everything, my nothing and it’s beautiful. We want more but now is wonderful. 2NT

♥ NATASHA I promise to keep it slutty, 5 star rooms only, douchebag-ish, steaks rare, more trips, more naps, all nasty....and never call them back. Love Uni.

♥ NATASHA You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. you make me feel that i have a purpose in life and i love your bullet kisses!

♥ NED My lover, companion, and friend. My lover! Companion! Friend! Here’s to 40 years of living, loving, joy.

♥ NEIL THE REAL DEAL I want 2 luv u kiss u squeeze u 4ever in fact I want to wear u like a backpack & lose you never, get a head start but I will find u cuz I’m clever!

♥ NEMESIS You have taught me how to love, trust and thrive in a healthy relationship! Thank you for being an amazing partner and showing me dusty magic! )*(

♥ NEW LEAD HOUSE I love you all v much.

♥ NICK You’re the fox to my owl. You’re the Tom Servo to my Crow. You’re the beer cheese to my pretzel. Thanks putting up with me. Love you byarb.

♥ NICOLAS CAGE Your eyes are pillows for the soul. I look in to them & find myself adrift in a sea of humanity. Lost, alone, despondent. Nirvana just out of reach.

♥ NICOLE Thank you for becoming my wife. Looking forward to the many more years of growth and love. I love you

♥ NICOLE You’re my best friend in the world and I can’t wait to marry you in June! I love you

♥ NICOLLE Naval Sea Cadet Petty Officer First Class Larsen reporting for duty ;P

♥ NIKKI I will love you with pride, my lavender queen, my friend. It is a pleasure.

♥ NIKO thank you for loving me fully, being my best friend, putting up with me & always supporting me. love u, em xo

♥ NIKO LIZA you’re enchanting. i love you. i like to sit with you at the factory at lunch hour, watching the smoke stacks. i want to see your new underwear hub

♥ NIN You complete me. You make me laugh, love, and smile in a way I have never before known. Let’s make a human!! I LOVE YOU TILL THE END OF THE UNIVERSE !

♥ NINI(S) So thankful for my two friends; you two keep me cool, fashionable, fun and young. #hellablessed

♥ NIXXIE You are loved by so many in this world you are a flame in the dark tunnels that we may live sometimes keep your spirit lit May everyday be special

♥ NOAH BARNES Hey Nerd, you are my best friend and I love you so much! I can’t wait to experience life with you!!

♥ NOEL I used to be an adventurer like you. Then I took an arrow in the heart. love ya, nerd!

♥ NOELLE While this last year has been hard I look forward to the years we have could have together. I want to grow each and everyday with you. I love you!

♥ NOELLE While this last year has been hard I look forward to the years we have could have together. I want to grow each and everyday with you. I love you!

♥ NOELLY POLLY OLLY I will always love you! Our love story will always be my favorite. Luvz u, Tashi

♥ NOLAN Roses are red violets are blue, thanks for hanging out with me even though my car smells and resembles a zoo! You are amazing!

♥ NOODLE Babe! How outrageously, preposterously lucky I am to share my life with you. as Dolores O’Riordan sings, “you’re a dream to me.” You’re the best.

♥ NOODLEFACE Yer the Frodo to my Samwise, the Blanket to my Gertrude, and the Wheels to my Milo! So grateful you chose me 8yrs ago & for all the adventures since!

♥ NORMANDO You are my honeydew, my sun and stars, my favorite yellow mustard fan. You make me feel so loved everyday. Let’s keep growing really old together.

♥ NOVIO Thank you for all you do, I Iove you so much and am so luck you came into my life.

♥ NT I’m in love with you, dummy. -Polack

♥ OCTOPUS I’ve seen enough hentai to know where this is going. Love, Squid.

♥ OH, MY MAYA! Thank you for letting me perform weird, exotic bird stuff in the bedroom. It really ruffles my feathers... in a good way. CUK CAAAAA-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!

♥ OLIVIA To the best canvas of my Jackson Pollock artwork ever, you rock my shit. Love you baby - Steffan

♥ OTHER BEANS You’re driven, kind and quite silly. We have so many small adventures. Thanks for always hanging out with me.

♥ OTTO’S MOM Mama,. The hunt is on, who knows where we'll land?. Once there I'll penetrate you for the next 20 years. I'll try to enjoy the ride together. Love You

♥ OUTLET I am sweet on you. Thanks for bringing the people together! xoxo

♥ PAMELA U r living the life of a badass poet. I’m happy ur my Galentine. Thx4 being the wind beneath my wings &4 swearing vengeance upon my enemies. XoXo Rose

♥ PANCAKE You’re my stumptown summer heartthrob. Lets get houses with a shared backyard and a herd of dogs.

♥ PAPA I wanted to surprise you so I came home early!! I can’t wait to see you!! Love you always, Kona xoxo (Mommie loves you too!!)

♥ PAPA SCHNUGG 10 years of Valentines, just you and me. This time next year, we will be 3. So much love for you, Papa Schnugg!

♥ PARSNIP My silliest ghost, let’s take a trip to the coast, while eating toast, I don’t want to boast, this is a public post so I’ll just say I love you most!

♥ PAUL Puppup babyflakes husboy! You are my best friend and life is worth living when I’m with you. It’s kinda shitty when you’re not around. Lub Kitkat

♥ PB 2018 marks the year we have loved each other half our lives. That is nothing compared to the rest. You are my home. Happy lovers day, lover. GB

♥ PDXKEITH I love you and I like you.

♥ PDXRETROVEGAN You’re like a moon that’s full, Across a sea of foam I’m the sky you’ve been burning DK

♥ PEA It’s been a long year, but we have so many years ahead to look forward to and I can’t wait to snog your chowder bowl through them all. Luv you always.

♥ PEEPO To my darling sweet peepo, you illuminate the world and are everything to me. i love you dearly!

♥ PEETIE Sweetie Peetie Pumpkin Pie Poo Poo Head, I am so happy we are getting married this year! P+P+p+p forever

♥ PEETS I love you so. Thank you for being my best friend, always trying to understand my weirdness and letting me be me. I am so lucky to be your schmoopsie.

♥ PEEZLE Let’s turn loose our golden falcons so they can meet in the sky where our spirits belong; necking like two hot kids. Hafiz got it right.

♥ PERLA I love you very much, please be patient with me, I always think of you, I’m sorry.

♥ PEYTON You are the love of my life. Im so proud of you. My sweet angel. You are the most caring, loving young lady i know. Mom

♥ PHIL I am blessed that each morning you choose to share this adventure of life with me. Our relationship offers more Love than I dreamt possible. xoxxo

♥ PIGBE We’ve been rocking this parent thing and I’m so glad we got away to st Lucia for a solo trip. I love you love you love you!

♥ PIGGY O’ MINE Every day together is a new journey. It’s a choose our own adventure story. Looking forward to spending it with you. Will you marry me? Love, ur ogre

♥ PIGSQUAD I have a crush on half of you.

♥ PISSY MISSY From the burning deep inside to the burning down below! Next time you say inside please just simply blow!

♥ PK Two spectacular sunsets and a sunrise is no surprise as my heart swells and I see love & happiness in your eyes Islamorada was the ideal vacation!

♥ PONY You’re my better half and you make me strive to be like you with your hard work and integrity. I am glad to have such a good partner and friend. Jboo

♥ POODY BEEF You’re my favorite screaming eagle. Thanks for becoming a hockey stan with me. Dinks forever, I’m the only night cackler in your life. Turkey kisses.

♥ POOKIE BEAR I LOVE YOU! You make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I never want to be without you in my life, heart and soul. Hold my hand and we will soar! Dave

♥ POOKIE BEAR BUDDY I’m so lucky to have you Tina! You are my bestest friend and I love you so much! Purrrrrr :-* -buddy

♥ POOKIE WOOKIE Life is lonely and boring without you. I love you unconditionally and I miss you very much.

♥ POOPS You make my heart happy. I love you so fucking much poops. I wouldn’t want to go through this life with anyone else, whatever it takes

♥ POOT Sharing the lovin’ bed with you and your socks is one of my favorite things to do! Let’s keep growing the shrine! Love, your BABEH!

♥ POPPET Thank you for 10 years of not celebrating St. Valentine’s Day. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. Love you the most and looking forward to more.

♥ POPPY I Love You Very Much. Thank You for being here with me...

♥ POPTART You are the sweetest thing that pops up next to me in the morning! I’ll be sure to warm you up to be the best poptart you can be!

♥ PORGLET From my first visit to Ahch-To, I fell in love. Your lovable screech, your propensity to flail, your loyalty to your babies. This wookie is smitten

♥ PORTLAND, We love your heart. Please take care of it. And learn hands-only CPR to help others. Love, Portland Fire & Rescue

♥ POW POW FOXITA You’re the best adventure buddy ever. Thank you for trusting me through all this change. Love you mucho mucho.

♥ PRADITO With you I am home. Here’s to another house that we fill with ear pinches and nudity.

♥ PRESTIGE

♥ PRETTY WIFE With things like service or touch, Ya say you can’t hear those much. So with words I think I will show it, Cuz ya know I’m a very good...idk, bard?

♥ PRIMETIME Queen Janelle says its a prime time for our love, and I’d agree. Let me pick you up in my brand new pickup, you gd golden woman. I love you forever

♥ PRINCE DING DONG A haiku: The island is nice However I cannot wait To be home with you I love you Levi XO J (pumpkin)

♥ PUFFIN Let’s pretend we don’t exist Let’s pretend we’re in Antarctica

♥ PUPPER I Love You, I Love You, I Love You, I Love You, I Love You, I Love You, I Love You, I Love You, I Love You, I Love You, I Love You, I Love...Pupper.

♥ PURPLEDOODLE You Rock my World.

♥ PUZZLE PIECE You make me whole. I love learning, growing, & creating with you. Can’t wait to see what our garden grows. Love to love you.

♥ QUABE You really see me. I see you too. Do you want to watch me dance to you?

♥ QUARA You are my Valentine! You are like a chile-covered piece of chocolate. I like your spice and spunk! I love you. ¡Te amo! Mom

♥ QUEEN K Scary movies, Thursday happy hours, crinkly articles in bed, jokes and jokes and jokes, dreaming & planning for what’s next...we still got it, babe!

♥ QUINN HARRISON I love u beyond the stars

♥ R I am Tinder-hearted for you! 3/7/17 and always xoxo...J

♥ RACH Thanks for being the pea to my carrot, the octopus to my turtle.

♥ RACHAECHAE Every day I wake up next to you & sense the warmth of your body nestled next to mine, I feel so lucky that a Lovecat decided to curl up in my bed.

♥ RACHEL I never dreamed of being this lucky. You are the most beautiful and amazing wife in this world. I will love you forever and always. Happy V-Day.

♥ RADICAL AMOROUS FAWN Let’s make out, until our lips chap, our hips slap and our supper interruptus. Let’s laugh until our cheeks hurt. Love, Justifiably Rachael Crazed

♥ RAIN Happy VDay Sweetheart!!! I’m excited to celebrate two years of hot sex and romance with Master Storm! Living with you has been a blast! Love XOXO

♥ RANDY I rant & rave but you’re the one I crave because you’re my absolutely fave. Love u, Kandi Jo

♥ RANFI With you, I’m home. Whatever souls are made up of, ours must be the same. Thank you for loving me. Endlessly your’s, Daisy

♥ RAUL Can you believe we met 11 years ago?! I knew from the moment you walked in that I wanted you to be mine. I love you forever.

♥ REAGAN Your smiling eyes lured me in like magnetic magic and I knew instantly that I had found...”The Chosen One”, guided to me by angels!

♥ REBE Looking forward to a year of good stuff: food, Sam, making art, travel, books, film, butts, music, and the space to explore being silly/fun. Love you!

♥ REBECCA Loving you is like the perfect cupcake. Soft and moist on the inside and full of pretty sparkles and glitter on the outside. You are my everything.

♥ REBECCA U no dae way my kween, Lubs

♥ REBECCA You are A++ number one tippy-top incredible! We know how lucky we are and we love you so much! Ben, Finn and Soba

♥ REBECCA, PILLOW POEM You thanked me for talking to you on 1st Thurs at the contentious open mike when we later crossed paths at PNCA. Private meeting? romanfromhell@gmail.

♥ RHW Thanks for keeping our little family on the straight and narrow! While little G and M are running around like crazy you keep us all together.

♥ RHYNO I love you like lil’ O loves Tillamook Cheddar. Let’s have a classy Valentine’s Day celebration with MHL + BSO ;)

♥ RICARDO Sweet apple pie with your hands outta line Looking for some meat (heat?) Gonna take you high When you feel that sting, you gonna fly!

♥ RICHARD Thank you for loving me... Thank you for being there... Wait, wrong holiday. Oh well. I LOVE YOU!

♥ RICKZ Hard to convey how much I appreciate & adore you. More coffee please (“coffee” too ;-), at my place, your place, the coast, the van, the wild. OxoxO

♥ ROBBY Happy love day hubby! You’re the joany to my boney and I can’t imagine life without you! Xoxo

♥ ROBIN My love! Another year with you, and somehow you still butter my bread. I love you and the bad ass life we have made together. *swoon*

♥ ROBYN T.B. After all these years I’m still the luckiest guy on the planet. Baby-- thanks for us! Love, Tony B.

♥ ROCKER I still love your headphone hair.

♥ ROCKET MAN Peace, plants, Happy Valentine’s Day.

♥ ROCKS You are the love of my life. I know your heart is with me. My greatest desire if a life with you. No one has the connection we have. Love Forever

♥ ROPEGUN science, climbing, popcorn, trauma, biking, ice cream, flogging, road trips, logic, drag balls, bubbly water. Such beautiful love we have - belay bae

♥ ROSANNE You’re my favorite person in the world You mean everything to me, You’re as cute as Bug’s tummy, I love everything about you, I love you 1,082

♥ ROSEBUD & IDA BEA Wishing you two Sweethearts a Magical, Spectacular, Fun Filled Day!!!

♥ ROSEHIPSPDX Dearest mommy, my rosehip friend I’m sad and devestated because of our end My love for you is deep and true Your absence has me feeling blue

♥ ROSEMARIE Looking forward to warm and romantic times ahead in 2018. JKA

♥ ROSENBUDDY! let me count the ways..i just want you to feel special on a lonely hallmark holiday, sweetie muffin topper! thanks for always orbiting near. love you!

♥ ROSITY Remember Ash Street, before our little Bandulus, when our love was Heavy? City nights like that give me warm Sentiments. Your Northern Lover Emerald

♥ ROSS, TEX, AND BILBO to the hot blonde, crazy redhead, and freckled lil freak. Love u guys, XOXO R

♥ ROY I want to tell u I love u! It’s been a year since u did this for me & it really touched me. U continue to do so every day. Here’s to us honeybunny!

♥ RPM “The beauty of a thing is not the atoms that go into it,but the way those atoms are put together.”-Carl Sagan You are my favorite atom arrangement. -N

♥ RUBEN Can’t believe we are celebrating our first wedding anniversary,2nd 4th of July of when we met.You inspire me everyday. Happy valentine’s day Mi Amor.

♥ RUPERT I’m glad you’re around. Take good care of STJM. Slurp, OG BDE

♥ RY I am so incredibly lucky to have found you! Thank you for loving me as much as I love you. Here is to an amazing 2018

♥ RYAN Love you so much my big booty husband! You’re my errthang.

♥ RYAN you brighten my day! so happy to have met you. happy valentine’s day. xoxo. -s

♥ RYAN You’re so handsome. You’re so tall. You worship me in all kinds of ways. I love you so much! But I don’t think I can live without a microwave. B

♥ RYAN “CUTE GUY” When my name comes outta your mouth it sounds like a Teddy Pendergrass solo covered in syrup. Thx for brightening my special month

♥ RYEN You inspire, challenge, and invigorate me. You’re also extremely good at sex. 4 years of radical, beautiful bisexual love and a lifetime to come

♥ S Like, hi, and you know, like, I really like like you. B

♥ S HOT BABE Happy Valentines Day to my red hot lover under the covers. Bennyboo

♥ S J HA-HA-HA on this bullshizzz hallmark holiday i wanted to let you know that you’ll always have someone creepin around in your corner. sincerely and fondly

♥ SABRINA Happy Valentine’s Day to the sweetest pea, that loved a grumpy old man as mean as me.

♥ SABRINI TORTELLINI Hey boop, I love you so much and want you to feel as beautiful and loved. You deserve all the happiness & I am lucky to share that with you everyday!

♥ SAILOR I love your shoes, and will forevermore. ~Lula

♥ SAMANTHA ROSE You are the best thing I’ve ever gotten to hold and to love. I hope you will be mine this Valentine’s day once more and many more to come

♥ SAMIRA I cannot imagine growing old with anyone else but you. You are an amazing wife, who has always been there for me. I love and adore you forever! JB

♥ SAMMALAMMA Let’s unplug and tune in to each other - forever - in our trailer, as we careen wildly into the sunset. You say yoga, I say brewski. PS Fuck Trump.

♥ SARA I’m constantly amazed at how much our love and relationship grows. I’m excited to see where this year takes us. I love you, babes.

♥ SARA If I could give you one thing in life I would give you the ability to see you through my eyes then would you be able to see how special you are to me

♥ SARAH 11 years in, and you’re still my favorite.

♥ SARAH I’m so excited to be your Valentine forever! I’ll never get tired of hearing your story about how that beaver attacked you in the lake that one time.

♥ SARAH WE GOT MARRIED! That’s amazing. I love you immensely. I’m still awestruck by the whole “spouse” thing. Also: WE HAVE OUR OWN HOUSE!

♥ SARE forever imagining you here. ilysm. f, bsm.

♥ SASKIA Though you are a world away, you never fail to brighten my day

♥ SAUCE BOSS In the rhetorical words of Ja, the modern Marquis de Sade: “What would I be without you?” Yr the yin to my yang. The swang to my bang. Lemme get that.

♥ SAUL 32 years and counting... I love you! xoxo - Your old lady

♥ SAVANNA I can only hope I make you as half as happy as you make me. I love loving you. Happy Valentine’s Day to my beautiful, smart, funny wife. No refunds.

♥ SCHATZ Mein schweetie Schatzi - du weißt das du bis A meine Beste in diese verdammte Welt. Ich bleib immer bei dir, ist das OK?

♥ SCHNUGGIEMAMA Henry,Sunny and 3 love you soooo much!And so do I !Heres to the next 10plus years of love,adventure and loyalty loyalty loyalty! Love for Infinity, A

♥ SCOOBY, I love you so much, it’s been such a blessing to have you in my life for 16 years. We love you, always, forever Your girls

♥ SCOOTER You’re my favorite of them all. Love Phan

♥ SCOTT Boo, You’re awesome. And tall. Be my Valentine again! Schmetterling, Ja

♥ SCOTT Everyone sucks, but you don’t. Let’s eat 45 pounds of biscuits to celebrate. I love you.

♥ SCOTT You are my one and only and you can count on me to have your back. Love you Babe

♥ SCOTT You make the sun shine brighter, the air taste sweeter and the world more beautiful. My heart sings with joy and happiness. I love you. XOXOXO Chanda

♥ SEANY WEANY CLAP FOR MY BOYFRIEND Thanks for putting up with me. I love you.

♥ SECRET LOVER We can’t show our love & only we no about the wonderful bond that we share, i wouldn’t change it for the world. U taught me what luv is & how to luv

♥ SERA Thanks for making love with me.

♥ SERENA (SERENE BEAN) I love you more than words can describe. You are the smartest and most caring individual on this planet. I can’t wait to grow old with you baby :)

♥ SEXY BOYFRIEND Your love makes my pussy vibrate and your fingers make it rain. This Valentine’s Day will be thunderous and wet! You fill me with your passion.

♥ SEXY PANTS I love you and your balloon knot more and more every day! Grrr...

♥ SHACK-NATO I love you more than sharks love blood! I love you to Pluto and back! You make my dreams come true! XO That Kat

♥ SHAMANIC SARA Puppy love - both literal and long-term figurative - is in the air. You are the backyard digger of the treasure that is my adoring heart.

♥ SHANA, FINN AND MAITI Thank you for another year of love! I know the future will bring us all good times, great memories and warmth to our hearts. XXXOO Millie & Bagheera!

♥ SHANNEL You fine as fuck tho, shuugrtl. Wifelife love. xx

♥ SHANTASTIC Thanks for 25 V-days, Love Thang. Ocean cliff views with Chinese takeout or homemade pasta with a side of Netflix -- it’s all confetti in my hair.

♥ SHARON Your Hair is Winter Fire January Embers My Heart Burns There Too

♥ SHAWN I can’t believe how recent events have made us closer and stronger and more in love than ever. Our family and you make me feel lucky every day.

♥ SHERRI This is our 1st V-day apart-not sure how I’ll handle it. You’ll be in my thoughts, but set in my

♥ SKEETER I will always be waiting for you in the bushes of love. XoxoX ~Petunia

♥ SKINNY KITTEN, You’re the LOML, and the Lucky Gal. And I’m the LG who gets to take full advantage of you! Lets be REALLY nice to each other!

♥ SKY FISH I love you like I’ve never loved anyone before! The rest of our lives together doesn’t seem like nearly enough time. ~Sea Bear

♥ SLAPS AND B SLAPS I love you guys so much and am greatful to be in the slap mafia with you. Happy love day and just know I always got your back. Write that down

♥ SLOWHAND Hey babe. Thought it would be cool to write you a note. I want to nuzzle you all over. I can’t wait for your call today baby. Love you forever xoxoxo!

♥ SMELLIE KELLIE Thanks for not kissing my dad this year. Loveyou.gov, missyou.net

♥ SMOOTHSASHAAGGROALEX Cheer up buttercup! You are strong and capable of wonderful things. Just believe in yourself. Great accomplishments start with small steps. U r loved.

♥ SMUSH It’s been an amazing 10 years. Can’t wait to spend the next 100 visiting all the Atlas Obscura sites and petting all the animals with you!

♥ SNUGGLE MAN I will snuggle you and our fur child forever. Happy 7 years of being together, happy V day, and happy adoption birthday to our sweet pup. Love you!

♥ SNUGGZ Waking up next to you is my favorite way to start the day. Want some breakfast?

♥ SNUZZLES I’m leaving you for Noop Noop. Sorry. Tittybean

♥ SOFIE That thing you do with your finger is nice

♥ SOGENE I would never have guessed that I would be engaged to an incredibly hot, intelligent, patient, loving person. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted.

♥ SPACEY MA Y I enjoy every moment we spend together. I will always be your Aladdin Sane even when it’s nothing but a moonage daydream so hang on to yourself. Love

♥ SPARKLE You rock my world, love you forever. Gene

♥ SPEAR We met on a plane on a cold wintry night You strolled up the aisle, my true love, Mr. Right You sat next to me and our our hearts did unite Fiona

♥ SPLINTER We love you so much! Happy Valentine’s Day, sweet Ironman 412! Love, Mom and Dad

♥ SQUISHY, 1,000+ veggie burgers, 10 years, and one Fluffhead later, I’d still rather be with you. Here’s to cuddling all the wombats, together!

♥ SR Savoring you is my pleasure. Love, Fresh

♥ SS i hope this year is full of adventures, as long as i’m holding your hand I know everything will be ok. let’s not divorce, ok?

♥ STACEY Let’s go behind a rock and get a little boulder

♥ STACY I love you more than nacho cheese after midnight. -C

♥ STEFFAN We started the year off right with AZUL colored love! You are my favorite, Poot! Goddamnit! Ugh, Love, Olivia

♥ STEFFI, LU, AND CLEO Happy Valentines Day! Love, Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson

♥ STEGS WASHING YOUR HANDS IS GREAAAT! Happy 28th Anniversary! My heart still burns there too.

♥ STEVE Love you!

♥ STEVEN ‘To My Friend’ - I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you... Happy Five Years to you my Love. - XOXO - Kimberly

♥ STEVIEHOTASS Can’t wait to spend this Valentines with you smoking a bunch of pot and eating cheese/chocolate until we have bloated hot steamy sex ;)

♥ STEWIEKAAAA You are truly the jackpot in the love game of life and I am profoundly blessed that you have made my heart your home. Countless hugs & kisses, L

♥ STINKER I had the time of my life with you. I can’t believe it’s over. I ache for you. Please heal yourself and know that I am here still. I will wait for you

♥ STOY I’d stand in the shadows of your heart and tell you I’m not afraid of the dark. You’re the Twiggy to my Manson, let’s never be apart.

♥ STRONG CLAW (SUNNY) This is going to be the year I marry you & the last Valentine’s Day before I can call you my wife (Borat voice). Yr my best friend & I love you tons.

♥ SUE We’ve had our ups and downs in the years we’ve been together,but like a good roller coaster ride,we always come out with a smile at the end.Love you!!

♥ SUGAR NOODLE So glad I met you in that vacant lot. Here’s to lasting longer than the big block of cheddar. Love Mounds

♥ SUGARBOOGER I love our life together. You are still a HPOA!!!! Happy Valentines I Love You!!!! -Gene

♥ SUMACERO Me gustan los aviones, me gustas tú Me gusta viajar, me gustas tú Me gusta la mañana, me gustas tú Me gusta el viento, me gustas tú Me gustas...

♥ SUNNY When you’ve both shit your pants while making eye contact, you know the love is real. And I love the shit out of you. -Eli

♥ SUPERMAN You fix shit, build fires, fuck me, cook while I study, trap squirrels, tuck me in, & balance my Hufflepuff. What would this kitten do without you?

♥ SURFER ROSIE Y’all are the apples of our eyes. Roll the dice babies. xoxo, floating room

♥ SUSAN Happy Valentine’s Day, can’t wait to see you. Love, Portland

♥ SUSAN Such an awesome, crazy, exciting year. Can’t wait for another one! Happy Valentine’s day beautiful. Love Eric, Fatty, and Owen

♥ SVEN Roses are red / Violets are blue / Two grumpy poops / Really love you!

♥ SWAMI DJARUM ZZ Love you forever, babypants.

♥ SWAN LEGS MADISON I love how we get so fishy together. Yours truly, Steve

♥ SWEEBEE SQUIRREL Lovin you is more than just a dream come true.Everything that I do is out of loving you. La la la la la, la la la la la.Do do dodo do, ooh. AAAAAAAAH.

♥ SWEET B Again & always, I choose you to dance in the living room, dine at the food carts, & hug the trees. My love, my wife, you are the home of my heart.

♥ SWEET HONEYED HAMLET The years are flying by, I couldn’t ask for a better partner to spend the rest of my days with. I eagerly await growing older and wrinklier with you!!

♥ SWEET MAN E I am so lucky you are in my life, I love you oh so much. Here is to many more years of S & S! You are one of my favorite humans thanks for loving me!

♥ SWEETEST STEFANIE I love you more than ever. Thank you for always loving me and sticking by me. You are smart, hot and generally amazing. Your loving man, T Snooches!

♥ SWEETIE POP I’m are so lucky to have an adventure partner like you! In a foreign land or a foreign food restaurant, it’s always fun with you! I love you, Honey!

♥ SWEETPEA You’re the Gorilla My Dreams and I’m Your MonkeyMan! Times have been tough, I know. Here’s to going bananas together, baby! XXXOOO

♥ SWEETS I don’t know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve. Excessively yours- Chicago

♥ SWEETS Let’s make it official this year. Love you, azizam!

♥ SWEETUMZ I L O V E Y O U! Thank you for all the years of and laughter and fun timez! Don’t know what I’d do without you. You are truly a delight! X O x o X O

♥ SZILVIA You’re amazing! I am so thankful to be on this journey with you. I love you!

♥ T You are my queen. Thank you for marrying me. Love -M

♥ T-BIRD I roam the stars and still I see you... the brightest one. I love you so, so incredibly much. The apricot of my eye. Happy 4 years.

♥ T-REX SHMOOPS My sweetest Deviant, You’re fucking amazing (& beautiful) in every way. You make my heart happy. I love you ∞ Also you have epic boobs

♥ TALL PAUL If I wrote Erotic Friend Fiction, you’d be the star. xoxo, s

♥ TAMARA You’re the bees knees and the love of my life! Can’t wait for all of our adventures this year and for many years to come. You’re my favorite human.

♥ TANNA BANANA From not taking NO for an answer, to You living the Good Life with Me. I got you Babe, that’s all I will ever need! + Oz, Teton, & Chief, of course!

♥ TANYA I love you so much. I promise to do my best to be to not be a crabby asshole as often. You deserve that and more after 12 years.

♥ TANYA Take Me with U

♥ TATOOINE99 You make me POP! Like a fresh batch of popcorn, I’d like endless refills of you please. Sixteen years together and I still can’t get enough.-k

♥ TAYLOR You are the most bad ass bitch I know. And I should know, I am you. Keep on loving yourself because you deserve it. xxo -Taylor

♥ TECTONIC Thank you for being the best sound camp ever! I finally found my dusty tribe! You welcomed me with open arms, I love you all! Evan!!!

♥ TED Don’t believe what other people say, I still Love You...Best, Craig

♥ TEDDY, MY LOVE I still can’t believe how lucky I am 2B w U. I’m endlessly inspird by ur passion, interests, &ur smile, and look forward 2 our future adventures 2gthr

♥ TEEBERS, u are the love of my life & the most handsomest & my MFEO forever sweetheart & I’m so excited for our fancy bistro this year! will u be my Valentine?

♥ TENDER TOPE-TOUCHER Your taste impeccable, sensitivity acute. I trust no other to achieve exact balance of sproing and give. Tenderly touching topes 4eva my love xoxoxox

♥ THAT MAMA Did you know your lap is the best? Critters the world over love to lay on you. U R the best person, my love, my life, my shield maiden, my cat friend.

♥ THE BIG HANDSOME MAN I love u, I love us, even when our farts wake each other up. Thank u for being patient with me, even though I don’t conform to anyone’s standards

♥ THE HIGHBRARIAN Hey gurl, u are the best trivia co-host a girl could ask for! Let’s laugh our identical laugh too loudly into the microphones & watch a scary movie!

♥ THE JOE You are my favorite handsome, erudite, swarthy man-thing! I love you and appreciate you every day, my sweetie!

♥ THOS Daddy continues to impress by being a handyman, fun dad, hero, snowboarder, & tickling my beaver while looking at built ins. More to cum in SW my pet.

♥ TICKLEBUTT I love you so much and am so excited to spend our first ValentinesDay as wives. You make my life so much better just by being in it. Best. Wife. Ever.

♥ TIGER Hoping you’ll make me purr,,, bite my neck and take me from behind on Valentine’s Day! xoxo -Kitten

♥ TIME TRAVEL PARTNER A February full moon in a Kipling-esque India. You knew instantly. I was like, meh. Another world and four decades later, love keeps surprising.

♥ TIMOTHY DEAN I love you so very much, even though you can be a giant, stubborn, ass! Together forever Dimithy.

♥ TING A LING Eleven Valentime’s Days ago I hoped our blossoming romance would turn into what it is today. I love you with my heart and soul. Love, Spoon

♥ TJ I miss you dearly we are so incredibly proud of mr British man all are love aunt Crystal and Uncle Jerome f

♥ TO MY “GROUNDHOG” Now that your namesake has seen his shadow. I am looking forward to many more years with u by my side. Love your wiggles, P

♥ TO MY MOUNTAIN MAN Be with me. Love me. Happy Valentine’s Day my sweet! and if you ever kick me out of the bed again ....You will be toast! Remember... I love you!

♥ TOBIAS Proud of you for everything you do, congratulations on the new Soft Kill record and being a great dad.

♥ TODD You can stop running Dixon, no MPs here. I love, cherish and respect you and I vow to always be by your side. I’ll see u in the stars. Tina

♥ TOMMI LYG ! - m

♥ TOMMY CURLS HI BB ME & AGNES LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!! So happy & lucky you’re my forever Valentine!

♥ TONI It’s been amazing sharing the past year with you babe. You’re a FABTF and I love you ! Happy Valentine’s day

♥ TONY BALONY You’re my fuzzy man peach and I couldn’t love you more. You’re everything I never knew I’ve always wanted, thanks for having my back babes.

♥ TOOTS, You are my favorite scrabble opponent, Simpson’s Chess winner, and pizza-eating companion. Gertie thinks you’re pretty great too.

♥ TOTINOS Happy Valentine’s Day to the chips to my salsa, the Griffin to my Justin, to the person who deals with my nonsense the most, ily

♥ TRACY I love your beauty and your science and your rock and roll. You fill my life with sweet love and spicy oh la la. Happy V-Day to the best roommate ever

♥ TRACY LYNN You are a nuisance and smell of corn chips, but you are my sweetest queen and I love you so. I love all your folds and atrocious breath. Love, Tina

♥ TREV.... BUTT I came into your life with the very flow of . You won me over to the shore with dance and laughter. For all that is right. For all of my life. U N Me

♥ TRINITY Thank you for your love and grace, lifting me high in this place- and never letting me go! What you have shown me have inspired me to live for you!

♥ TT MY FREAK You’re smart, strong, ambitious, slutty, kinky, & way too fucking beautiful. l can’t believe you exist and I’m so lucky to know you. Daddy loves you.

♥ TURBO VAVIES My Snuggle-luffa-lump drunk laughs, jeep farts, endless Metal shredding. I Love you w/all my heart & ha-hijis! Bobbies & Bobbies together forever!

♥ TWENTY Who needs candy with lips so sweet, She’s the one with tricks and treats This Bobcat is just so smart, Hope my love fills the hole in your heart.

♥ TWO TONE NICK You make life more exciting, I’m thankful to have you in my life and care for you deeply. *insert air horn noises here* - hale

♥ UNCLE Guess What? Chicken Butt! Yay! Loving our crazy little relationship and growing through the ups and downs. XOX -Salt Lick

♥ UTAH MIKE Happy 8th Miscommunication Day! I’m so glad we got all that out of the way in our first week of our relationship. You are my true love! xoxo, O.F.

♥ V Get your shit together. That way you can soar♥Z

♥ VALENTINE Marshall,I love you more than words can say,. I’ll be your Valentine every day. I’ll Love you forever,in everyway. XxxOoo

♥ VERN-MY-BOO What! Our 1st Valentines Day. I’m so blessed to have a special lady as you in my life. Cheers to this Valentines Day! Oh you’re the Bomb! Your Babe.

♥ VIOLA Fibonacci love, spiral and line, sometimes it feels we move apart but always closer together in time. It starts with 1+1=2 you love me and I love you.

♥ VIOLETA Happy V-Day and Happy Birthday hit me baby one more time!

♥ VKFRUIK Your my only. I couldn’t do this without you. You saved me from the hells of myself and I will always thanks and adore you. From your fago

♥ VORLON-VAMPIRE-QUEEN Happiest of happy days to you this VD. I wish we were together rolling around on the floor with our sides hurting from laughing too much. ILY.

♥ WAKEL-OLEY You’re rocket makes me yell “Hooray!” Bing Bong, Bing Bong. You’re the best in every way, and I want to sing your song to say, “Bing Bong, Bing Bong!”

♥ WANDA You’re the Satanic mistress of my dreams. Let’s sacrifice our firstborn child to the Elder God so that our immortal souls can love each other forever.

♥ WANNABE FRENCH GIRL I fucked up. We are both still around. when is it too late and was it ever really meant to be?

♥ WASMO Looking forward to all the snugs lil butterbean. Youre my favorite n Im always thinking you!

♥ WEBELO Although I’m in Portland this Valentines Day, my heart is with you! I love you! -Your Cheech-

♥ WEDGE ANTILLES The way you pilot that X Wing gets me as wet as Camino. Wanna share a Tauntaun tonight?

♥ WEE-BEY I love you so much and vow to bring you all the plastic grocery bags you will ever need. Here’s to our “Last Valentine’s Day.” Love, Omar’s Bitch.

♥ WHISEY KITTY i will love you for 20,000 nights and 20,000 days, and when we come back, we’ll be the brightest stars in the black. fuck shit i love you, whisey!

♥ WHISKEY TANGO Floating in your darkness, hypnotized by those eyes, drunk on those lips (both sets), and utterly head over boots for your hawt brain & ass! Red Fox

♥ WHISPER STACHE Valentine’s day is lame, but you are not. Thanks for being a sexy hunk who is really great at chopping wood and cooking me food. I love you!

♥ WHISTLER HOTTIE From my peak-2-peak to my cheek-2-cheek, all I can think about is your GONDOLA ride. I’ll let you ride, grind & switch ALL my slopes. Love, your wife!

♥ WHIT You are the Dad to little dog, who sings for you a tiny song and big dog too, she love you lot. You say tomato, I say po-tot.

♥ WIFEBUTT The jugs are fresh. The ass is still banging. Lucky to still be powerblasting you.

♥ WIFEY, Happy Valentines Day, Sweetie. I love you to the world and back. You are my hero, my rock, the poptart of my heart. Let’s have a fun 2018.

♥ WILLIE T Will you marry me? Like not right now, but someday?

♥ WIZARD Dear Dungeonmaster, I love you very much. Thank the underlords you came into my life. Very grateful for you and all you do.Hail Satan Love Wanda

♥ WOLF MAGIC I love your true self and would definitely do you with a strap on. You make me whaley happy. Love your dove

♥ WOMAN GROCER I see you on Sunday you sell me my things. You told me drove a taxi, I took it literally. You seem to like me so how about a date?

♥ WOOGIE Ima get them bunz, gurl.

♥ WOOGWOOG U R the Bunky Stinkmuffin of my life! I now believe the manifestations of ur magnanimous heart don’t constitute the machinations of a serial killer!

♥ WOOSTER Oh yeah, get a load of her! Love always- your composter

♥ WORMY you are an incredible lover -love, lil worm

♥ XOJO To my Lovely, thank you for the love, drinks and cocoa pebbles at midnight. Your hand on my neck when I drive is divine.You make me a better person.

♥ YAMIKA You’re the most wonderful creature I’ve been able to taste. Thank you for enduring the love and pain of being mine. Xoxo, snacks

♥ YASMIN I miss you already. Come back soon now, ya hear?!

♥ YEEZY AKA MY HOMIE Whisky makes me frisky. I know... wow so Portland. But maybe you like it? I can’t help that I’m too cool for you.

♥ YENNIFER Wowsers. By my calculations, I’ve loved you now for more than half my life. I guess that means our love took hold.

♥ You are my special woman. Holding you in my arms is like holding life itself. We survived to reap the benifits of a loving relationship. I love you

♥ YUNG GRANDPA YOYOYO, Can I pee in yo butt?

♥ Z It hasn’t been easy but its always been right. I love you forever -mc

♥ ZACHARIAH I love you so much! Flames flames on the side of my face!

♥ ZOE If you’ll be my Valentine, I’ll give you chocolate! Dealio? Happy V-day from your ever loving mom (& Crystal the cat)!!

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SageElyse / Getty

But it's not always a great idea to use cannabis and pharmaceuticals together, as there can be unintended interactive effects. And most of us aren't going to ask our prescribing physician if it's cool to take a dab hit with our flu meds, even if that seems like a fine idea when said flu has us praying for the sweet release of death.

Thankfully, there is a site that can help you sort of this quandary.

The straightforwardly named Drugs.com has a section specifically dedicated to helping users determine if the drugs doled out by your doctor play well with what your budtender recommends. The site states that there are "602 drugs (4272 brand and generic names) that are known to interact with cannabis," including 128 major interactions (904 brand and generic names) and 474 moderate interactions (3368 brand and generic names).

I'm no mathpert, but that seems like quite a few, right? Also, there are at least 4272 brand and generic drugs? Dear god...

Type the name of a drug into the search bar, and the results list the potent drug interactions, broken down into four categories: Major, Moderate, Minor, and Unknown.

THIS IS NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR TALKING WITH YOUR DOCTOR. Rather, it's a tool to give you information, which as we know, is power. That said, I'm not certain Drugs.com is exactly pro cannabis, as they have a section which asks and answers: "What are Illicit (street) drugs? Illicit drugs means illegal drugs, which are sold on the street. Illicit drugs generally have high addictive potential, are abused and cause harm." They classify cannabis as such a drug, even though the majority of Americans now have access to cannabis through state-run medical and recreational cannabis programs. Get woke, Drugs.com.

But elsewhere on the site are 11 reviews for cannabis, with a user rating averaging 9.9 out of a possible score of 10, and reviewers sharing their experiences using cannabis successfully for conditions ranging from anxiety to stage 3 cancer treatments. Ah, the wonder of the internet.

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This guy gets itWavebreakmedia / Getty Images

Heartbreak is a universal condition—almost everybody's been brutally dumped or cheated on or humiliated when love goes unrequited. There are so many different ways to hurt! And so many different ways to soundtrack that hurt. Valentine's Day is traditionally a holiday when lovestruck jerks get to rub their happiness in everybody else's faces. But history has proven that love sucks eggs, so here are songs...

... For the apocalyptically heartbroken: Skeeter Davis, "The End of the World"
Sometimes breakups can throw your whole world off its axis—reality stops making sense, as illustrated by Skeeter Davis: "Why does the sun go on shining?/Why does the sea rush to shore?/Don’t they know it’s the end of the world/'Cause you don’t love me any more." Perfect for wallowing in your own melodrama.

... For the dumpers: Haim, "The Wire"
Rejection sucks, but rejecting someone also sucks. Haim's "The Wire" is the most uplifting kiss-off imaginable, with sunshiny hand-claps and lyrics about fumbling through a breakup monologue: "Well I know I know I know I know/That you're gonna be okay anyway."

... For the cheatin' hearts: Loretta Lynn and Conway Twitty, "After the Fire Is Gone"
They know it's wrong for them to meet! But the fire's gone out at home, and there's nothin' cold as ashes after the fire is gone.

... For those despairing behind convincing facades: Bernadette Carroll, "Laughing on the Outside"
It's embarrassing to be sad in public! That's what makes the sentiment "I'm laughing on the outside/Crying on the inside/Cause I'm so in love with you" so relatable. Plus: excellent whistling action.

... For those caught in the eye of the storm: Charles Bradley, "Where Do We Go from Here"
First off, RIP to the Screamin' Eagle of Soul, who was truly the master of all matters concerning love and heartbreak. If your relationship's going to shit, this one's for you.

... For those who need to scream-sing: Heart, "What About Love?"
Do not underestimate the healing powers of the power ballad. The badass sisters of Heart know how to cross-examine a fickle lover, as proven by the lyric "Don't you want someone to care about you?" Well, don't you?

... For the desperate: Tom T. Hall, "That's How I Got to Memphis"
I often prefer to lick my wounds to whiskey-soaked country songs, like Tom T. Hall's "That's How I Got to Memphis." I don't love that it's about a guy following his ex to another city—obviously she wanted to get the hell away from you, dude—but his desperation is relatable for anybody who's ever held onto the last thread of an unraveling relationship.

... For when you're "fine": Gwen Stefani, "Cool"
"Cool" is peak Gwen, the undisputed queen of public breakups, who wrote many a screed about her ex, No Doubt bassist Tony Kanal, while they were still in the band together (also see: "Ex-Girlfriend"). But "Cool" is about being friends with your ex, and letting the nostalgia coexist alongside the lingering heartbreak ("I'll be happy for you if you can be happy for me"). It's very mature.

... For the bitter: The Magnetic Fields, "You Love to Fail"
Feeling bitter is okay too! It's totally valid to seethe in some self-righteousness (at least for a while). If that's your jam right now, you might find yourself silently fist-pumping to the lines "You only play the games that you know you can lose/You love to fail, that's all you love."

... For the waiters: Shannon and the Clams, "Corvette"
If you've ever wasted your time waiting around for someone to give two figs about you, the sultry doo-wop of Shannon and the Clams'"Corvette" might hit a nerve with you.

Lastly, a bonus for those of you who are blissfully in love: Donnie and Joe Emerson, "Baby" (Warning: They sing the word "baby" 25 times in four minutes).

Here's the Mercury's full achy, breaky Valentine's Day playlist on Spotify:

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There's a dude that I see working at a convenient store, without a foot/leg and 2 crutches, as the cashier. I sees him on pubic transit too.

There's this other dude, living a few blocks from my house, that limps to the corner store. He does this everyday. He doesn't work. He's doing work in his yard. He's doing work to cars. He does chores.

This is all I say, if you are able, you can get a job.

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Prepare yourself (and your liver! your sweet, innocent liver!) for the Portland Mercury’s HIGHBALL! Brace yourself for 39 specially crafted cocktails available March 19-25… for only $5 each!

We’ve teamed up with 39 of the finest bars and restaurants in Portland—along with our cocktail-lovin’ pals at Beam Suntory—to bring you this one-of-a-kind boozetacular! At each of Highball’s locations, you’ll find specially crafted cocktails. Even better? Each of these fantastic cocktails will be available ALL DAY (not just during happy hour!) and cost you a mere $5!

Here are all the participating locations:

Alberta Street Pub
Bar Maven
Bit House Saloon
Biwa
Bluehour
C Bar
Clinton Street Pub
Conquistador Lounge
Crow Bar
Dots Cafe
Double Dragon
Doug Fir Lounge
Driftwood Room
Elvis Room
Fifth Quadrant
Gold Dust Meridian
HOME, A Bar
Le Bistro Montage and La Merde Lounge
Liberty Glass
Limelight Restaurant and Lounge
Low Brow Lounge
Loyal Legion Pub
The Lutz Tavern
Night Light Lounge
Noraneko
Oaks Bottom Public House
Proof•Reader
Rae's Lakeview Lounge
The Rambler
Senate
Slow Bar
Smokehouse Tavern
Tilt (Pearl)
Tryst
Valentines
The Wayback
White Owl Social Club
Wilfs
Xico

Stay tuned to the Highball Facebook event and Blogtown for announcements of all the delicious drink recipes—then plot your strategic course and set sail on a river of Portland booze starting March 19!

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AT LASTGETTY / W-INGS

If religiously watching all Olympic figure skating events is a hobby you've diligently cultivated since childhood (I know I have!), I don't have to tell you that Adam Rippon's swan arms are perfect, and I REALLY don't have to tell you that Mirai Nagasu is now the first American woman and only the third woman from any country to land a triple axel at the Olympics. Here's video of it if you want to cry:

"HOLY COW!" You just witnessed a historic triple axel from Mirai Nagasu. #WinterOlympicshttps://t.co/NsNuy9F46hpic.twitter.com/jCMTb4LtXv
— NBC Olympics (@NBCOlympics) February 12, 2018

Will she be able to replicate it in her individual long and short programs? Who cares! (I REALLY do.) To celebrate, let's revisit some great moments in figure skating.

Here's Mao Asada's triple axel from the 2010 Olympics in Vancouver. Apologies in advance for the tremendously rude commentary (praise be 2 Tara Lipinski and Johnny Weir):

Here's Surya Bonaly's badass decision to make the most of an Olympic competition she knew she wasn't going to win by doing A BACKFLIP AND FINISHING WITH HER BACK TURNED TO THE JUDGES. I FUCKING LOVE SURYA BONALY:

And here's Oksana Baiul's Swan Lake-inspired routine from the 1994 Olympics, which I am including for costuming and choreography reasons:

And no discussion of great moments in skating is complete without Tonya Harding's iconic triple axel:

Speaking of Rippon: Tomorrow night, he'll compete in the men's individual event. I'm going to stock up on clearance Valentine's Day candy and stream it, and I just want you to know that's an option.

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Black Panther
Prepare yourself: Black Panther is going to be fucking huge. Directed by Creed's Ryan Coogler, starring Chadwick Boseman and Lupita Nyong'o, and with a soundtrack produced by none other than Kendrick Lamar, Marvel's latest blockbuster finally shines a spotlight on the effortlessly badass Wakandan superhero. The trailer is pure adrenaline. Early reviews are ecstatic. You should already be in line. ERIK HENRIKSEN
Various Theaters, see Movie Times for showtimes and locations.

Dua Lipa, Tommy Genesis
Maybe you caught her on Saturday Night Live a couple weeks ago, or heard her on the radio—either way, pop singer Dua Lipa is blowing up. This London native is already big in Europe, but most famous here in the states for her wildly popular hit “New Rules” (as in “One: Don’t pick up the phone/you know he’s only calling 'cause he’s drunk and alone”) which is not only a club banger, but offers really good advice! But don’t miss out on her other hit “IDGAF,” which is another danceable fuck-off leveled at a lousy ex. This show’s sold out, but if you can score tickets, you will be verrrry happy you did. WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY
8 pm, Roseland, $25

This One's for Dilla
The annual Dig a Pony tribute to one of the best beatmakers that ever lived, J. Dilla, featuring original Dilla-inspired beats by Trox and TheoryHazit, and DJ sets featuring the man's immersive instrumentals as spun by House Shoes and Rev. Shines.
9 pm, Dig a Pony, free

Souvenir Driver, Leading Psychics
A reliable pair psych rock and dream pop outfits bring their latest stuff out to the Know to help push you to the working week finish line.
8 pm, The Know

Greg Behrendt
A week of stand-up with the San Francisco-hailing comedian known for his bestselling book, He's Just Not That Into You, his beloved podcast with Dave Anthony, Walking the Room, and his past appearances at the Bridgetown Comedy Festival.
8 pm, Helium Comedy Club, $17-33

Don't forget to check out our Things To Do calendar for even more things to do!

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Now that Valentine's is behind us (mostly—I'm sure some of us are still enduring some sort of fallout) we can get down to business; the business of rocking the fuckout and laughing our asses off. And if those two things aren't enough to sustain you, there's some storytelling going on, a NXT LVL marketplace to peruse, and a chance to take a trip to the wondrous world of Wakanda. It's a very, very busy weekend ahead; hit the links below and load your plate accordingly

2nd Annual NW Black Comedy Festival
The NW Black Comedy Festival is back for a second year, with a new location—the Billy Webb Elks Lodge, a major center of Portland’s Black history—and a fantastic lineup including local improv geniuses Broke Gravy; a live episode Merc columnist D Martin Austin’s comedy-dissecting podcast Your Fault for Listening; and a special edition of Minority Retort, the city’s only showcase for comedians of color (and one of its best, period). MEGAN BURBANK
Feb 16-18, Fri-Sat 6 pm; Sun 5 pm; Billy Webb Elks Lodge, $10-150

SabertoothMicroFest
Sabertooth Micro Fest returns this weekend to host three nights of mind-melting psychedelic stoner rock. This year’s lineup includes the occult heavy metal forbears of Coven, indie rock guitar hero Jay Som, and local favorites like Cat Hoch and Lavender Flu. CIARA DOLAN
Feb 16-18, 7:30 pm, Crystal Ballroom, $25-30, all ages

Giants in the Trees, Skull Diver, Mere Mention
The first thing you’ll probably hear about Giants in the Trees is that the band’s bassist/accordionist is none other than Krist Novoselic of Nirvana. But musically, Giants in the Trees shares little (if anything) with Novoselic’s famous past—after meeting at their local Grange in Skamokawa, Washington, late last year the four-piece released their swamp-rocky self-titled debut and has since been playing shows around the Pacific Northwest. The band’s true star is singer/guitarist Jillian Raye, whose enchanting, Stevie Nicks-esque vocals and sultry runs buoy songs like “Sasquatch” and “The In-Between.” Giants in the Trees strays into quirky realms on the zydeco-influenced “Ode to Pacific Anarchism,” but pop explorations like “Paper Life” cut the occasionally strange tracks with magically melodic rock. RYAN J. PRADO
8 pm, Mission Theater, $15, all ages

It's Not You, It's... OK, Yeah It's You
A special night for those who don't have the rosiest of outlooks on Valentine's Day, starring singer and storyteller Stephanie Schneiderman, with support from true tales by Shelley McLendon, Anthony Kell, and Chris Williams.
8 pm, Siren Theater, $14-16

Strange Ranger, Cool American, World Record Winner, Stella Walker
Ever since releasing their monumental, 72-minute-long debut LP Rot Forever in 2016, signing with East Coast indie label Tiny Engines, and putting out the phenomenal sophomore album Daymoon last year, Strange Ranger has showed no signs of slowing down. Despite comparisons to indie rock torchbearers Modest Mouse and Built to Spill, the Portland band has carved out an identity all its own. Perhaps most distinct about Strange Ranger’s sound is Isaac Eiger’s vocals—sometimes he’s screaming, other times he’s whispering introspective lyrics. That’s what makes them one of my favorite bands in the Northwest and beyond. Tonight they’re kicking off their US tour with an all-ages show at Black Water Bar with fellow local acts Cool American, World Record Winner, and Stella Walker. DELANEY MOTTER
7:30 pm, Black Water Bar

Drunk in Love: Beyoncé vs. Drake
Ante Up PDX and Tribute Night throw a Valentine's party for people who prefer to express their love and affection in the form of hitting the dancefloor and staying there all damn night, and Doc Adam will be doing his best to keep them there by pulling from hits, remixes, b-sides and deep cuts from the Queen Bee and that one dude with all the ghostwriters.
9 pm, Holocene, $10

Holiday Friends, Paper Brain, Siren & the Sea
Holiday Friends, from Astoria, take straightforward pop-rock songs and dress 'em up with synths, programmed rhythms, and other future-stuff.
9 pm, Mississippi Studios, $10

DJ Manny, DJ Taye, Sonic D, Eric Fury, Monster Eats the Image
Chi-Town takes over PICA for this night of footwork featuring DJ Manny and DJ Taye, two producers who helped create and define the subgenre in the early 2000s with the now-global Teklife collective. Synthesizing influences from ghetto house, Detroit techno, and beyond, footwork is also a style of dance with lightning-fast moves that bring to life the sound’s intricate rhythms. This event features DJ sets, performances, a dance workshop led by Manny and Taye, plus a screening of the 2014 documentary I’m Tryna Tell Ya, which gives an intimate glimpse at the close-knit Teklife crew and key figures like DJ Spinn, RP Boo, Traxman, and the late legend DJ Rashad. Sonic D of Los Angeles’ hardworking Juke Bounce Werk collective will open the show, along with DJ Eric Fury and live act Monster Eats the Image. Neybuu—a Portland producer of experimental footwork—will provide visuals. DANIELA SERNA
7 pm, PICA at Hancock, $10-15

Mortified Portland: 10th Anniversary
Portland storytellers take to the stage to share stories from their adolescence that absolutely shouldn't be shared with anyone because the secondhand awkwardness and embarrassment could be hazardous to your sanity. For this 10th anniversary celebration, each show will feature a different line-up of Mortified performers from the past 10 years.
Feb 16-17; Fri 7 pm, Sat 6 pm & 9 pm; Alberta Rose Theatre, $16-23

Black Belt Eagle Scout, Pools, Layperson
Olympia-based duo Pools bring their dreamy bedroom pop sounds down the I-5 for a Portland show featuring support from stand-out local acts Layperson and Black Belt Eagle Scout.
8 pm, Turn! Turn! Turn!, $5

And And And, Tribe Mars, Melt
Along with their new album Idiot, local rock ’n’ roll heroes And And And are releasing a manifesto of sorts to explain why they’re keeping it off all digital streaming platforms and instead offering unlimited streaming and free downloads exclusively through their website (plus on vinyl). The gist is this: The internet is bad for us, both as individuals and as a society, and it becomes more powerful every day, thanks in part to our social media and streaming activity. And streaming platforms are bad because they devalue music and take control of how it is presented away from artists. The manifesto is, ummm, colorfully written—And And And has apparently named the internet “Bragi,” and a recent photo of the band shows them all wearing tinfoil hats—but the thing is absolutely oozing with truth. Which is why you should delete your Spotify account, visit And And And’s website, and check out the band’s nervy, dynamic guitar-rock, which buzzes and crunches and thumps and squeals in a way that's both comfortingly familiar and a little bit chaotic. BEN SALMON
9 pm, Doug Fir, $10-13

Johanna Warren, Maitland
Portland folksinger/songwriter Johanna Warren is celebrating the release of her meditative new album Gemini II (the sequel to 2016’s Gemini I) and kicking off her “Plant Medicine Tour” with this intimate show and herb market at the Old Church. The twin records were inspired by the tarot cards “The Lovers” and “The Devil,” and were released via Warren’s own label, Spirit House Records. CIARA DOLAN
7 pm, The Old Church, $10

NXT LVL Marketplace
A festival for fashion, food, art, music, celebrating Black culture and the African diaspora with Diona Jackson's finely curated marketplace containing a presence from Letra Chueca, Illtopia Studios, Brown Girl Rise, Switchblade Sistas, Q+M, and many more; Akadi, Platano Rising, and Po'Shines are helping supply the eats; and at 5pm, live music from Brown Calculus, Maarquii, and the Last Artful, Dodgr will help underscore the good times going on.
3:30 pm, Kaul Auditorium, free, all ages

Zeke, Bomb Squad, The Sadists
If you want to know how long hard rock juggernaut Zeke has been tearing new ones and crushing skulls, consider this: The band got together in Seattle and played its first show way back when Kurt Cobain was still alive. A quarter-century later, Zeke has built both an extensive recorded catalog of burly, warp-speed thrash-punk and a reputation as one of the fastest, hardest live bands ever to take the stage. Next month, the group will crank up the volume again when it releases Hellbender, its first full-length album in more than 14 years. There are three songs available at Zeke’s Bandcamp, and they’re a combustible collision of the Ramones’ speed and the Melvins’ heaviness. Put it this way: If people compare your band to Motörhead just about every time they have to compare your band to another band, you’re doing something right. Zeke’s been doing something right for a long time. BEN SALMON
9 pm, Dante's, $12

Pat Keen, Numbskull, Teton
Pat Keen is apparently most comfortable when the music he’s playing is entirely uncomfortable. The Minnesotan has logged time as a touring member of Guerilla Toss, an unbound group that views post-punk dance music as a challenge to overcome, and is currently one-quarter of Wei Zhongle, a project that mixes and matches genres and tones with abandon. Keen’s solo work, as heard most recently on his latest full-length Albatross, is a lot more contained that either of those outfits, but is still enjoys a carefree stroll on the paths that run between folk, art pop, and something like jazz. There are elements of these songs that connect with those genre descriptions but don’t feel tethered to their history or structures. Like Jad Fair of Half Japanese or Oregon’s own Michael Hurley, he dances his own steps and asks us to come up with our own in response. ROBERT HAM
8 pm, Mothership Music, $5

Boyz N the Hood
After Boyz n the Hood blew up, its director John Singleton went on to direct a bunch of stuff: Poetic Justice, Higher Learning, Shaft, 2 Fast 2 Furious. And Boyz’ young cast—which included Ice Cube, Angela Bassett, Morris Chestnut, Laurence Fishburne, Cuba Gooding Jr., and Nia Long—went on to be part of a whopping number of notable projects. In some ways, watching these actors in a movie that’s 27 years old feels like opening up a time capsule (behold the soundtrack, which features everyone from 2 Live Crew to Tony! Toni! Toné!); in other ways, Boyz n the Hood remains as timely as it was in the ’90s. ERIK HENRIKSEN
7:30 pm & 9 pm, Fifth Avenue Cinema

Gaytheist, Cougar, Fruit of the Legion of Loom, DJ Just Dave
If the music of Gaytheist were a vehicle, it would be a semi, late on its delivery, blazing down I-5, the speed limit only a laughable suggestion as the trucker begins to have Tron-like hallucinations from 38 hours of no sleep and caffeine-pill cocktails. With only three members, Gaytheist leaves you wondering how they create such a heavy, intricate layering of sound.
9 pm, Tonic Lounge, $10

Frangela
The uniquely hilarious stand-up duo returns to Curious Comedy to record a new live album for Kill Rock Stars.
7:30 pm & 9:30 pm, Curious Comedy Theater, $12-15

Sean Rowe, Anna Tivel
Portland singer/songwriter Anna Tivel’s 2017 record Small Believer is a quiet and sparse affair, even by folk standards. Its songs consist merely of vocals, gently strummed guitars, and the occasional light percussion, but there’s a forcefulness in this approach, owing largely to the sheer strength of her voice and songwriting. Like her predecessors Nick Drake and Loudon Wainwright III, Tivel is a master of evocation; each of Small Believer’s 11 tracks conjures a unique set of emotions. Opener “Illinois”—which is surely the most beautiful song with the state in its title since Tom Waits’“Johnsburg, Illinois”—provides the backdrop for a late-night drive along an unpeopled, single-lane highway in the middle of the country, and “Alleyway” and “Riverside Hotel” are heartbreaking vignettes that showcase Tivel’s lyrics. It’s a healthy reminder that you don’t need to be loud to be powerful. 
9 pm, Doug Fir, $15-18

The Builders & the Butchers, Federale, Autopilot Is For Lovers
When a band—especially a Portland band—is silent for longer than a year, people assume they’ve either sold their guitars and pursued more lucrative careers or moved to LA. Nearly a decade has passed since Autopilots Is for Lovers’ last album, To the Wolves, so you’d be forgiven for thinking they’d hung up their hats for good. But the Balkan-indie-folk duo of multi-instrumentalists Adrienne Hatkin and Paul Seely is at last set to release its long-awaited follow-up, Not Now Apocalypse, in May, and tonight they’re celebrating the release of the album’s first single, “Boll Weevil.” Centering on Hatkin’s accordion and her haunting, tremolo voice, “Boll Weevil” also incorporates strings, keys, drums, and other instruments to make for a much fuller, bolder, and more richly orchestrated effort than anything they’ve done before. Longtime Autopilot fans will be amply rewarded for the long wait, while first-time listeners might soon discover their new favorite local band. SANTI ELIJAH HOLLEY
9 pm, Mississippi Studios, $17-20

Lubec, Curse League, Big Science, Helens, Brave Hands
Through unpredictably reactive drumming from Matt Dressen; Eddie Charlton’s geometric, calculated guitar riffs; and Caroline Jackson’s fuzzed-out classical piano, Lubec creates carbonated shoegaze, too fizzy and frenetic to be dreamy but too distorted to feel like reality.
8 pm, The Big Legrowlski, $5

Arctic Flowers, The Pathogens, Body Mask
Honing in the dissonant goth-punk of Joy Division and mixing it with the dirty-jangle rock 'n' roll of bands like X and the Wipers, Arctic Flowers are veterans of the Portland punk scene that are anything but burnt out.
9 pm, (The World Famous) Kenton Club, $5

Speechless
The Siren Theater's improvised PowerPoint presentation show Speechless is back, with the best kind of organized chaos: a delightful lineup of funny Portlanders making up lectures on the spot—"TED Talk, startup pitch, even a self-help seminar" are all fair game—to accompany surprise slides and placate a team of judges. Next slide! MEGAN BURBANK
8 pm, Siren Theater, $10

Black Panther
Did you know: Sunday is usually the slowest day at the weekend box office. That means Sunday is your best chance to bear witness to the wondrousness of Wakanda in all its afrofuturist glory on Black Panther's record-breaking juggernaut of an opening weekend. Let Jenni Moore tell it: "Marvel movies get a bad rap for their cheesy dialogue, disjointed plots, and truly absurd, CGI-crowded battle scenes. But you never know when they’ll drop a gem. Ryan Coogler’s Black Panther is one huuuge gem, and comes closer to achieving truth and realness in its story than any Marvel film has before. Fully embracing its Blackness, the film smartly toes the line between history and fantasy."
Various Theaters, see Movie Times for showtimes and locations

The Music of John Williams
John Williams has composed some of the most famous scores in cinematic history, making him as much a pop star as a world-renowned conductor and composer. Hell, he’d probably reached that mark by the time he completed the score for Raiders of the Lost Ark back in 1981. While Williams is most famous for the ubiquitous theme for the Star Wars films (the saving-grace for episodes I-III), the 86-year-old composer has been Steven Spielberg’s right-hand man since the director made his debut with 1974’s The Sugarland Express. Williams is responsible for the theme from Jaws—you know, those two ominous notes that play in your head every time you dip your toe in the ocean—as well as the Indiana Jones franchise and the beautiful, haunting, less grandiose score for Schindler’s List. Over the past two years, the Oregon Symphony has performed the scores for Raiders of the Lost Ark and Star Wars, so they’re primed and ready to bring more of Williams’ oeuvre to life onstage. MARK LORE
7:30 pm, Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, $23-110, all ages

The Pariahs, Wes Guy
After rocking the Thesis recently with his band the Pariahs, rapper Wes Guy is dropping a five-track R&B EP called Love Junky this week. “The ideology of love being a drug stems from a rough patch in my relationship two years ago,” Guy explains in a press release, “where I wanted to escape, but I was so hooked by the past highs (memories) that I couldn’t fathom the current state of low points.” Opening track “Love Drug” captures this perfectly, with emotive, guitar-driven production and lyrics about a relationship crashing alongside lines like, “She always keeps me high, though/She makes me lose my mind, though.” There’s also the ballad “When We Lay,” featuring vocals from Mai Mae of Fringe Class, and closing track “Azul Skies,” which focuses on the love of life and self-love rather than romance. Wes Guy raps throughout the project, but it’s the smooth, easy-on-the-ears vibe of this EP that makes it reminiscent of soul. JENNI MOORE
9 pm, Jack London Revue, $10

Murderbait, Sweeping Exits
Sweeping Exits’Glitter & Blood is unlike any album you’ve heard before. Frontwoman Mira Glitterhound is the mind behind the expansive, 16-track rock opera, narrating stories of murder, love, revenge, and queer vampires—imagine if Anne Rice wrote an erotic thriller about the Vampire Lestat’s goth band. Glitterhound playfully jumps from genre to genre, but each song is meticulously crafted, with traces of Bowie glam on “The Palace,” while “Lady Death” is more reminiscent of a wispy Carpenters song, and “The Queen’s Ball” sounds like doo-wop surf-rock. Glitter and Blood is an album made to be experienced live—fog machine, fake blood, glitter, and all. CAMERON CROWELL
8 pm, Star Theater, $6

Matt Dorrien, Lorain, Rainwater
Portland singer/songwriter Matt Dorrien (FKA Snowblind Traveler) headlines the latest installment of Sunday Sessions ahead of his new Mama Bird Recordings-issued full-length, In the Key of Grey.
8 pm, Rontoms, free

Rocketship, Bad Guys, Andrew Kaffer & the Stuffed Shirts
“I Love You Like the Way I Used to Do,” the first track on indie band Rocketship’s 1996 debut A Certain Smile, A Certain Sadness, is the perfect archetype of the twee, jangly pop song: It’s got a simple melody, hastily strummed guitar, and endearingly innocent lyrics that hint at a darker subtext. Rocketship emerged from northern California in the early ’90s, the heyday of bands like Heavenly, Tiger Trap, and Beat Happening. They were certainly influenced by those other twee groups, but these days, it’s Rocketship doing the influencing; listen to A Certain Smile and the Pains of Being Pure at Heart’s first album, and you’ll hear the resemblance. Tonight, Rocketship’s Dusty Reske and Ellen Osborn will play Kelly’s Olympian, nearly a quarter-century since releasing that debut. ISABEL LYNDON
9 pm, Kelly's Olympian, $7

Langhorne Slim, Twain
The beloved Pennsylvania-hailing singer/songwriter and troubadour brings his joyful blend of Americana, roots, and folk back to his occasional hometown for an intimate show supporting his latest full-length, Lost at Last Volume 1.
9 pm, Mississippi Studios, $20-25

Plastic Cactus, Scrivener, Nick Normal, Collate
An evening of sun-drenched psych and surf rock with this up-and-coming local trio.
8pm, Pop Tavern, $5

Regina Carter - Ella: Accentuate the Positive
Virtuoso jazz violinist Regina Carter brings her tribute to Ella Fitzgerald to the Revolution Hall stage. Bill Frisell and Thomas Morgan lend their support. Part of the 2018 PDX Jazz Festival.
7:30 pm, Revolution Hall, $29-59, all ages

Dr. Strangelove, Or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
Hey, look. A movie about Portland and fluoride.
4:35 pm & 9:35 pm, Academy Theater, $3-4

Don't forget to check out our Things To Do calendar for even more things to do!

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Stay up to date on Portland news and politics. Looking for fun? Here are the best Things to Do in Portland today.

The Winter Olympics are the only good thing about today.Matthias Hangst / Getty

Just fucking awful: 17 people were killed at a Florida high school yesterday, after a 19-year-old man who'd been expelled from the school opened fire. He used a semiautomatic AR-15 rifle, which is a weapon no person needs to own. As usual, the NRA-hamstrung GOP, the party that claims to be deeply concerned about saving unborn children, isn't offering anything but thoughts and prayers for existing children murdered at school.

Your idiot president is calling the shooter "mentally disturbed," as if the biggest common denominator in mass shootings isn't actually ready access to deadly weapons and histories of domestic violence. Trump's planning to speak about the shooting this morning. I recommend watching anything else at all. I hear Moana's good!

Perhaps Trump's got a reason to ignore the domestic violence link: In the wake of White House aide Rob Porter's resignation following news that he was a goddamn alleged repeat batterer, Trump says he's "totally opposed to domestic violence." Which is... deeply unconvincing given that, well, you know.

Today, in conflicts of interest: The O reports on new findings from the Oregon Government Ethics Commission that former Gov. John Kitzhaber may have violated state ethics laws 11 times. The list mainly concerns Kitzhaber's use of his position to benefit fiancée and government payroll recipient Cylvia Hayes' but there's also this bizarre detail. Emphasis mine, because WTF:

Kitzhaber also used his office for personal gain by accepting frequent flyer miles for official state travel and "by permitting state employees to care for Ms. Hayes' pets," according to the report.

Under scrutiny: Staff from a federal boarding school for Native American students in Salem appeared before the House Committee on Education and the Workforce yesterday to respond to questions about Chemawa Indian School. Here's OPB:

In November, [Suzanne] Bonamici and fellow members of the Oregon delegation sent a list of questions to the Bureau of Indian Affairs following an OPB investigation that revealed health and safety shortcomings, questionable diplomas and a culture of secrecy and retaliation at the Salem boarding school.

Today, in bad ideas: Portland architecture firm William Kaven Architecture is moving ahead with that wacky postal building no one asked for.

In Beaverton: International School of Beaverton is on lockout today following a nearby stabbing and robbery.

Good news, maybe: A bipartisan group of senators has come to an agreement on DACA that would protect the status of 1.8 million people eligible for DACA in exchange for increased border security. It would be a huge step forward if the ancient toddler currently running our country doesn't find a way to fuck it up for the rest of us, as is his wont.

Washington State's had a moratorium on the death penalty since 2014. The state senate just voted to repeal it altogether.

Also in Washington State: Raphael A. Sanchez, chief counsel of ICE's Seattle field office, has been charged with trying to steal the identities of people going through immigration proceedings, reports the New York Times.

Today, in product recalls: Hope you haven't been eating any suspicious Australian chocolate.

Here's your update on the Winter Olympics, the only sporting event I truly care about. (Even the cross-country ski races! You can have your head injury monster sports, give me the slow torture of the skiathlon any day of the week!) US alpine skier Mikaela Shiffrin won a gold medal in the women's giant slalom yesterday, her first of this Olympics. (She already has one from Sochi.) Everything is terrible but the Winter Olympics*.

Speaking of the Olympics: I don't think we've fully appreciated Mirai Nagasu's triple axel, and since I'm in charge of this news post, you get to see it again. Good morning!

*Except for Shaun White, who honestly needs to hone his apology skills a little better, or at least read Dan Harmon's so he knows what one actually looks like, because, Jesus, dude, get it together.

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It was the best win of the season for the Blazers, and it came at a great time, right before the All-Star break. The Blazers welcomed reigning NBA champions, The Golden State Warriors, to their home court for a nationally televised showdown, and sent the big boys packing with a shocking 123-117 beatdown. Superstar Kevin Durant scored 50, but Portland's now famous backcourt of Damian Lillard and CJ McCollum combined for a whooping 73 points and outshined everyone. The home crowd went wild for the sweet Valentines Day victory.

Bruce Ely/Trailblazers.com

The Blazers came out firing from the start, torching the lackadaisical Warriors for 40 points in the first quarter alone. Golden State didn't seem too concerned early on and we all braced ourselves for their inevitable onslaught as things progressed. Before the game Damian Lillard was presented with his all-star jersey, Portland's sole representative. Golden State has four all-stars this year.

Steph Curry and Klay Thompson have been called "the best backcourt of all time" but on this night Damian Lillard and Cj McCollum set out to make their case as well. Curry and Thompson struggled to contain them all night. Lillard was particularly impressive with 44 points and 8 assists. Jusuf Nurkic also brought his "A" game, notching 17 points and 13 rebounds. The Blazers held a 12 point lead at halftime, but no one in the building believed that was safe. Here's a look at some of the fans at the game. As usual, there were large swaths of blue and gold clad Warriors fans throughout the arena, an annoying reality when the most popular basketball team in the world comes to town.

These two said their son roots for the Blazers on any other night. He said loves the Warriors, "because of KD".

This guy brought the spirit:

So did these two:

Like I said, warriors fans were abundant. An informal sampling suggested that they were equal numbers fans from traveling from out of town to see the champs and Bay Area transplants who have moved to Portland and don't yet know enough to root for their rightful home team. These two came from Seattle. They became Warriors fans after the Sonics left:

And Look! It's rocker/writer Colin Meloy and illustrator extraordinaire Carson Ellis sporting homemade Blazer gear! Watch for my more detailed write-up about our trip to this game in the upcoming print edition of The Merc!

The second half saw the Warriors come back and tie the game at 99. In one particularly agonizing minute Kevin Durant, "The Slim Reaper", completed two 4 point plays in a row. It was hard to endure the loud cheering in the Moda Center for the wrong team. Fortunately our Blazers held tough and so did the Blazer fans. ESPN's national TV commentators mentioned on several occasions how difficult it is for visiting teams to win in the Moda Center because of the raucous crowds. Trailblazer Legend Bill Walton was in the house for ESPN, a nice touch.

The game went right down to the final seconds. With 9 seconds left Kevin Durant had a key 3-point shot waived off because his heel touched the out-of-bounds line. Here's a pic of that crucial play:

Bruce Ely/Trailblazers.com

The Blazers calmly hit all of their final free throws to ice the game. It was a huge win for the Blazers, who needed a jolt heading into the week-long All Star break. Sure, Warriors fans will write this one off, suggesting their team was checked-out and focused on the long game, but a win against the champs is a notch in our belt they can't take away. The rest of the league is on notice. Don't take the Blazers lightly!

And now I will leave you with two interesting images. First, here is Blazers third string center Meyers Leonard walking into the game is a sweet Valentines Day faux fur coat:

Bruce Ely/Trailblazers.com

And here is Colin Meloy with the legendary Bill Walton, after the game. I asked Bill if he liked The Decembrists and he said, "Never herd of 'em." Colin explained humbly, "It's a Portland band." Again, watch for my write up of our full game experience in the upcoming print edition of the Mercury!

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The residential streets of our neighborhood, like so many others in Portland, are incredibly narrow, without sufficient room for two way traffic. So when your lazy ass stops, in the middle of the fucking street (despite there being, *right* next to you, a spot several times the length of your truck), don't look at me like I'm the asshole for trying to squeeze around the hazardous situation you're creating. Putting on your hazard lights isn't actually a substitute for parking. ESPECIALLY WHEN THERE IS NO FUCKING SHORTAGE OF PARKING.

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