Last night's Game of Thrones was all about the threats of populist uprisings. It was an episode about fanatical, violent people motivated by religion, tradition, and nationalism. Even when confronted by a literal king or queen, those movements don't back down. They have a life of their own that seems to embody and defy politics, and when allowed to run through the streets, those armed, right-wing popular movements leave a trail of bodies as they make their point.
Spoilers after the jump.
R+L=J For some time now nerds like me who pay way too much attention to this shit have suspected that Jon Snow might not actually be Ned Stark’s illegitimate son. The prevailing theory is that Jon Snow is actually the son of Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark, both of whom are now dead. Eddard, the theory goes, was, claimed Jon as his own because he knew that Robert Baratheon would want to eliminate any remaining Targaryen kids, so he swallowed his pride and claimed to have a bastard.
This makes sense. Ned was so horribly honor-bound that it literally cost him his head. In this episode Stannis Baratheon mentions that Eddard Stark having a kid out of wedlock would have been out of character for the man. This episode also went out of the way to remind us that Rhaegar and Lyanna. Sansa visits Lyanna’s tomb in Winterfell, where she laments that Rhaegar (supposedly) kidnapped and raped Lyanna. Littlefinger gave her a knowing look, like he was about to say something. Something like “Actually, Sansa, Rhaegar and Lyanna were totally into each other, and that story is just Baratheon propaganda,” but he didn’t quite say that. Later still, Barristan Selmy mentions that Rhaegar liked singing more than fighting, which someone like me gladly took as more circumstantial evidence for this favorite fan theory.
At this point this idea is so well-embraced by fantasy dorks such as myself that if it does not pan out various fans will probably be filled with a level of nerd rage not seen since the shitty Matrix sequels. It doesn’t matter too much, though. No matter who Jon Snow’s parents are, he’s still boring.
Holy terror. Last episode Cersei met with the leader of a group of religious fanatics who call themselves the Sparrows and tried to maybe, possibly, win this guy (and his army of robe-clad zealots) over to her side. This is probably not an optimal strategy. If your city is filled with a bunch of crazy religious zealots who wear matching clothes and denounce worldly concerns, they probably aren’t going to want to be used as an implement of politics. Nevertheless, Cersei seems to be trying to do that.
She allowed the High Sparrow to reinstate the Faith Militant, an order of armed religious warriors who wore black robes, chains, and cut bloody scars into their foreheads like they were really into Slayer or something. The bloody, scarred, chain-wearing, puritans ended up doing what puritans do best, and started interrupting other people’s sexy times.
We don’t know very much about Westrosi religious principles, but the Seven’s scripture and traditions seem to be just as anti-sex as the actual, real Bible is. The Faith Militant raid one of Littlefinger’s brothels and go out of their way to kill a gay couple, citing religious tradition as their reason for murdering people. Up until this point, Westeros has seemed pretty lackadaisical about homosexuality. Renly was gay (and everyone seemed to know it) but no one seemed to care, and Oberyn’s bisexuality wasn’t any kind of secret. However, tolerance and acceptance are different things. Westeros has seemed tolerant of gay folks, but not necessarily accepting. Homosexuality, even if people let it happen and look the other way about it, is still not something that’s sanctioned or celebrated in this world, and the blood-spattered homophobes eventually capture Loras Tyrell, queen Margaery’s gay brother.
Cersei wanted to undermine Margaery, and this was probably the biggest reason why she reinstated the Faith Militant. Margaery was justifiably pissed off that her brother was suddenly a prisoner, and demanded that Tommen (the actual king) do something about it. However, even with all of his king powers and Kingsguard, Tommen was not able to make his way through the wall of religiously inspired Slayer fans, at least not peacefully. He also didn’t have the crowd on his side. Several civilian observers called him an “abomination,” knowing that he is, in fact, the product of two siblings doin’ it.
This is going to blow up in Cersei’s face. She’s armed and legitimized a fanatical, hateful, religiously-motivated populists for short-term political gain. She's created the Westerosi Tea Party. Conratulations, Cersei, you’ve just become the Lee Atwater of Westeros. It’ll go great, I’m sure.
You made it weird, Melissandre. Meanwhile in the North Melissandre showed Jon Snow her boobs for some damn reason. She said to him “There is only one war, life against death,” making it very clear that she’s on one side of the divide and Arya, who was hanging out with death worshippers last episode, is on another. I seriously doubt that the big, cosmic conflict that’s been hinted at by this series will be nearly as interesting as any of the fake politics. Sure, it’ll be nice to see the whole thing eventually explode in a battle of fire and ice, but that’s not what makes the series interesting. Intrigue is what sells it. And gratuitous nudity, I guess. (WHY DID SHE DO THAT?)
The best scene from the North was between Stannis and Shireen, his daughter who’s been scarred by a disease called grayscale. Shireen asked her father if he was ashamed of her scars and, in a touching scene that humanized a guy who’s mostly just been a doctrinaire asshole, he told her no, and that he’s proud of her. It was probably the first time on the screen or page that I really liked Stannis as a human being when he hugged and accepted his daughter.
So he’s probably going to sacrifice her to Melissandre’s Red God at some point. That’s going to suck.
Meawhile, in Dorne. Jaime and Bronn have gone to Dorne to extract Myrcella at the request of Cersei. Cersei knows that Dorne is pissed at the Lannisters for Oberyn’s death (and because the Lannisters are just jerks in general) and as long as they’re holding Myrcella, the Dornish have a very powerful bargaining chip.
Jaime and Bronn are hoping to slip into Dorne quietly, secure Myrcella, and get out. So, naturally, the first thing they do in Dorne is get in a fight with the border patrol and kill a bunch of dudes who were just doing their job. It seemed like a fight that could have been avoided, but it did give us one fairly excellent moment where Jaime parried a sword with his metal hand. That one bit of physical comedy made this extraneous scene mostly worth it.
Also in Dorne, Oberyn’s widow, Ellaria Sand, wants vengeance on the Lannisters and is hoping that her various ninja assassin daughters will join her quest to kill people. Her daughters (who apprehended the ship’s captain that brought in Jaime and Bronn) said yeah, sure, that sounds great. Then one of them threw a spear at a dude’s head. Jaime and Bronn are going to have a great time in Dorne.
Barristan! NOOOO! George R. R. Martin has previously stated that people die in the TV show who do not die in the books. Last night, Barristan Selmy, the former Kingsguard who quit the Lannisters and joined up with Daenerys, bit it despite still being alive in print. The Sons of the Harpy, the anti-Daenerys, pro-slavery terrorist group in Meereen, has been murdering Dany’s supporters for a few episodes now. Last night, Grey Worm and Barristan Selmy managed to kill a number of them in a tense hallway battle, but everyone’s favorite geriatric knight died in the fight, and the episode ended with Grey Worm also looking like he was in pretty bad shape.
Barristan’s death is probably what will motivate Dany to reopen the fighting pits. One of her advisors told her that the people in Meereen need a bit of tradition that all of them, former slave and former master, can agree on. Allowing the gladiatorial games to go on with voluntary fighters will allow for a bit of continuity in the face of so much change. That makes sense. I can see why Dany would resist that, but why Barristan’s death will be what pushes her over the edge.
Grey Worm better not fucking die, too. If he does, I will cry manly tears.