Well, the comedy onslaught is here. Are you ready? I'm not. I feel weak as a kitten. Commence inner pep talk. The Bridgetown Comedy Fest started one full day early this year for five straight days of jokes about doughnuts, strippers, pot dispensaries (oh hello, legal marijuana edibles!), and hippies. Last night kicked off at the Doug Fir with a crammed bill of comedians. Some struck sour notes with the Portland audience (yelling "cunt" over and over tends to curdle good will), while the ladies were bright spots on the stage. Chicago stand-up Rebecca O'Neal was a highlight. I take umbrage with the self-assessment of her body as Chicken McNugget-like, but 100 percent agree with her take on boobs, whose entire job responsibility is to provide milk to babies but who now have a "cool-ass side hustle" as sexy assets. You can see her tonight at dubious venue Trio for the show Gentlemen Scumbags.
Speaking of the red-velvet-rope-and-stanchioned karaoke bar Trio. WTF is up with that place? Bri Pruett has taken over the Merc's Instagram (#BriAtBridgetown), and she's been posting pics of karaoke karnage in the weirdly waterfalled and neon-lit craziness over there. The setup looks abysmal for comedy though. Updates to follow. Looks like the other winner from the Kick-Off Show at the Doug Fir, Jenny Zigrino, was strutting her purple stuff on Trio's sing-along stage.
Other highlights from last night: Gabe Dinger's self-assessment of his face ("resting snitch face"), Matt Braunger's Muppet eyebrows, Sammy Arechar's beat-boxing, and Greg Behrendt's final minutes of his Earthquake Hurricane set.
See you in the funny pages, comedy crew. Tonight, I'm headed to It's Gonna Be Okay and Baked.