GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Grabbed you, grinded you, liked you, tried you, move so fast baby—now I can't find you. LET'S GO TO PRESS.
Hillary Clinton soundly beat Bernie Sanders in last night's California primary, winning more than enough delegates and superdelegates to clinch the nomination—BUT (and isn't there always a "but" in this race?), Bernie has refused to bow out, vowing to continue on to the Washington, DC primary and then the Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia.
One question that remains is where will Bernie Sanders get the money to continue his run? Insiders say his campaign is running out of money fast, and he is expected to lay off half his staff today.
“For all of those Bernie Sanders voters who will be left out in the cold by a rigged system of superdelegates, we welcome you with open arms,” said Donald Trump. (What do you guys think? Any takers?)
Meanwhile Speaker Paul Ryan stepped up to call Donald Trump's remarks about a Latino judge "racist"—and yet? Still gonna vote for the racist. (Is supporting racism racist in itself? Talk among yourselves.)
According to a new study from the Washington Post, Reed College has the highest number of reported sexual assaults per capita among American college campuses.
Forest Service tests on local moss reveal an excess of the dangerous heavy metal cobalt, which has been found in elevated amounts near the Portland Airport, in the Pearl, and halfway between Bullseye Glass and Precision Castparts. [NOTE: If I were a petty human being, I'd mention that the Mercury broke the majority of this story on Saturday, and the Oregonian failed miserably to give credit where credit is due. Luckily for them, I am not that human.]
Good morning, Portland. #FleetWeek ships arrive today and the bridges go up; expect delays & plan accordingly. https://t.co/LdFXGxrwX5
— The Oregonian (@Oregonian) June 8, 2016
For someone who is a former U.S. Attorney for Oregon, Amanda Marshall made some real boo-boos when she was caught in an "intimate, personal" relationship with someone on her staff, violated sexual harassment laws, and tried to squash the investigation.
Darryl W. Thorn, one of the dumb dummies from the Malheur militia standoff, got kicked out of a Trump rally for screaming about "saving the ranches." Trump's security detail mistook him for a normal person who doesn't support Trump.
Northeast Portland's beloved Pizza Jerk restaurant caught on fire yesterday, and while the dining room was very damaged, no one was injured.
Brock Turner, the unapologetic Stanford student convicted of sexual assaulting an unconscious woman, continues to be unapologetic and is now blaming his despicable behavior on "alcohol" and the school's "party culture."
Now let's look at the WEATHER: The heat has broken! Expect a chill 75 degrees today with partly cloudy skies.
And finally, this may be "too soon" after the whole gorilla getting shot at the Cincinnati Zoo thing... BUT! When have I ever let sensitivity stop me before? Also, GAAAAAAAHHH!