My wife and I love your show and we look forward to listening to it together every Tuesday. But I am stuck trying to figure something out and I'm really hoping you can weigh in on my feelings here.
We've been married for five years and we recently decided to get serious about pursuing a threesome. A few days after discussing this she seemed a little bummed and I finally got her to tell me that now that we were talking seriously about doing this, she didn't feel comfortable with the idea. Not because she doesn't like it anymore but because we have a six-month old son and she said she can't justify putting effort into finding someone else for us to have sex with when she'd really rather be spending time with just him and myself. Even though we both work from home and spend almost all of our time together as a family.
One of the reasons I gave her for wanting to start experimenting was because I'm 38 (she's 32) and I'm not getting younger and I'm ready for this. She said she doesn't want to hold me back, so she reluctantly suggested maybe I experiment on my own with others. I appreciate that but I can only assume if she feels like she can't spare the time and attention to have sex with me and another person she'd really be offended if I found the time to have sex with someone completely different. I almost got the feeling she would think I'm being a bad father and partner by spending time away from her and our son.
I'm not sure what to do. I do feel like my clock's ticking. I'm six years older than her and I haven't experimented much sexually, but I really want to. I crave the excitement that goes with new sex and trying new things.
Should I take her up on this offer or should I just chill the fuck out and wait till our kid gets a little older? I want to do what makes me happy, but I don't want to hurt my family. I love them more than anything and I want to do what's best for me but also what's best for them.
Frustrated About This Hesitancy Enervating Rites
Getting on airplane... so I'm have to do this in one take.
YOUR WIFE JUST SHOVED A BRAND NEW HUMAN BEING OUT OF HER BODY. IT'S UNDERSTANDABLE THAT SHE'S NOT YET READY FOR SOME RANDO HUMAN BEING TO SHOVE HIMSELF INTO HER BODY AT THE MOMENT — OR EMOTIONALLY PREPARED TO WATCH THE FATHER OF HER CHILD SHOVE HIMSELF INTO SOME OTHER WOMAN'S BODY.
Chill. The. Fuck. Out.
There isn't a chapter in What To Expect When You're Expecting about how you shouldn't be expecting threesomes right after your kid is born because that really should go without saying. Your kid is only six months old. You should be focusing on your new son and your wife right now. You should be giving her hormones some time to level off and lavishing her with time and attention and praise right now, FATHER, not pushing her to have a threesome on account of your ticking Biological Threesome Clock, a time piece that is not actually ticking BECAUSE IT DOES NOT EXIST. The difference between a 38-year-old man and a 39- or 40-year-old man is really pretty negligible — where threesomes and much else are concerned — so there's no rush.
Also: "...she said she can't justify putting effort into finding someone else for us to have sex with when she'd really rather be spending time with just him and myself." Is finding the third her job? Yeah, no. You shouldn't be expecting that from her right now either.
Again: chill the fuck out, FATHER, but rest easy: I'm a father, my kid is a lot older than yours, and I'm here from the future to tell you that parents in their early-to-mid-to-late-to-former forties can and do have the occasional threesome. But if you want threesomes in the future you need to demonstrate to your wife in the present that her physical recovery and emotional security are more important to you than a threesome or some strange — because it's the right thing to do, first and foremost, but also because it increases the chances of her being willing to have a threesome with you sometime over the next couple of years by twenty thousand million percentage points.