Hello, Wm.™ Steven Humphrey here, editor of the Portland Mercury. Our regular contributor Elinor Joneser is out today collecting bottles and cans in order to afford rent for her one-room hovel located somewhere near the airport, and therefore will not be able to write this week's edition of "Thursday Night Recaps for Poor People." I have offered to write it for her, in between a pedicure appointment and my golf game with the Oregonian Editorial Board.
Full disclosure: I do not watch "network" or "free" television. I subscribe to the Platinum Satellite Service, which costs $50 thousand per month, is completely commercial free, and features shows the poor will never see—such as "The George Clooney and Scarlett Johansson Show" in which the pair cleans the wealthiest Americans' toilets… nude of course. Or "Count the Money" where poor people try to count piles of the enormous wealth we have and they will never even dream of having. (Very amusing.) Or "The Hunger Games." Not the movie. The reality show.
Anyway. This was my first time of watching any of this "free" television, and I must say, in comparison? Extremely disappointing. I'm not sure why you waste your time with it. But then again I also don't understand why you wear clothes purchased at discount stores. Ah, the mysteries of life. Let's begin.
• Community — Apparently there are "higher" institutions of learning outside the Ivy League, and some of them are for poor people. Such is the setting for this situational comedy which actually seems accurate since no one in the show seems to be learning anything. One of the students becomes alarmed when a carnival comes to town, because one of the carnies has a mysterious, sexual hold upon her. (I admit in my younger years I was also similarly transfixed—by a Brazilian maid I met on a stopover while sailing around the cape. I thought I was in love with her—until my father brought me to my senses and had her murdered. I was young and stupid. I no longer believe in "love," though there is a soft spot in my heart for "murder.") Anyway, this show was confusing and stupid.
- Via NBC
- "Don't make me work! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T MAKE ME WORK!!"
More after the break.