GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! It never really mattered too much to me that you were just too damned old for me. All that really mattered was you were my boyfriend, and baby, that's all that mattered to me. LET'S GO TO PRESS.
If Portland has its way, you may be able to pay for your metered parking with your smartphone—and it'll only cost you one thin dime extra.
The Feds have busted a man who has been threatening to kill a Portland FBI agent.
There's a new sheriff in town! (Actually the county.) Former Portland police chief Mike Reese is taking over for the scandal hounded Multnomah County Sheriff Dan Staton.
One of the Malheur Reservation militant buttholes, Corey Lequieu, is the first (of hopefully many) who's officially going to prison on conspiracy charges.
Three brothers help an African-American mother who's being called racial slurs on the MAX, and are heroes. But here's the most interesting paragraph from this article:
The brothers didn't want to start a fight with the man, Herrera told us, but they also were wary of calling the police. "I watch the news," said Herrera. "We're three young brown kids so I didn't know how that would turn out."
Let's talk OLYMPIC NEWS: Remember when swimmer Ryan Lochte claimed he and fellow Olympians were robbed at gunpoint in Rio? Officials are casting a side eye on their account. Meanwhile, some boxing judges are being dropped from the games after some of their decisions are being questioned. The U of O's Devon Allen came in fifth in the 110m hurdles, and yet was still fast enough to almost get gold.
Think Donald Trump's campaign couldn't get any more ridiculous? He's demoted his current campaign manager and has instead appointed Steve Bannon of Breitbart News to take over. HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA! IDIOT.
Yesterday, Donald says he's gonna stop bigotry and hatred. Today, he hires CEO of most bigoted media org in America: https://t.co/jQaR4jAkEo
— Michael Skolnik (@MichaelSkolnik) August 17, 2016
Oh, and NOW Donald Trump is trying to appeal to black voters. HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA! IDIOT.
Those California wildfires have burned 9,000 acres and forced the evacuation of... wait for it... 80,000 people.
The once great Gawker Media empire—bankrupted following a suit from Hulk Hogan—has been purchased for a reported $135 million by Univision.
An Alaskan village is voting whether or not they should move... due to climate change.
Police in Milwaukee have imposed a 10 pm curfew in an attempt to slow rioting following the cop shooting of a black man last weekend.
Wikileaks founder Julian Assange is getting shit-talked by no other than whistleblower Edward Snowden over charges he's being too "selective" about the documents being released.
Now let's look up at the WEATHER up there: Getting hotter, y'all! 85 today and 98 and upwards starting tomorrow!
And finally, after watching this commercial for ground chicken from Soviet Estonia, it has become apparent that Soviet Estonia does not know how to make a fucking commercial for food anyone would want to eat.
1980's Soviet Estonian TV ad for minced chicken meat by filmmaker Harry Egipt. A vegetarian's nightmare. pic.twitter.com/iVABrE8Fcy
— Soviet Visuals (@SovietVisuals) August 16, 2016