Originally posted on December 10, 2014.
I love your column, Dan, but I wanted to clear something up. Recently someone wrote to you that they—or their spouse—wanted to have a threesome, but only if it happened "naturally." You said that was impossible: "Three-ways don't happen that way," you said. But I'm proof that they do. I am a female in my mid-20s, and I've been openly bi since I was 12. I'm not particularly fond of threesomes, but I go with the flow. I've already had three happen naturally, and one "almost" that I stopped due to "timing issues." (Three MFF and one FFF.) My advice: If you can get a three-way massage or a game of strip-anything going, you're in for the gold. Alcohol really helps, too.
Girl Gone There
My response after the jump...
Perhaps I should've said that threesomes rarely happen naturally, GGT, while emphasizing that individual results may vary. But a relationship is far likelier to survive an "unnatural" threesome—one that has been planned in advance—than it is to survive a spontaneous threesome. Unsexy negotiations about limits and boundaries, hashing out what is and is not okay, and discussions about STIs and birth control are nearly impossible to have as your clothes are coming off. So threesomes that people drink, massage, or strip-poker their way into are likelier to result in the kind of hurt feelings that lead to breakups and make all threesomes, spontaneous or planned, look dangerous and risky.