Long time on and off reader for a whole now. So, I have a weird question that maybe you don't deal with and you are you just going to be flabbergasted that I'm emailing you about it, but maybe you have some response and you seem like the best advice columnist to ask. Also, maybe just stating some of this will help me think about it. And now here's a long wall of text for you. Hope you read it!
I'm a 24-year-old guy who uses OkCupid to occasionally meet people for dates. Fine site for the most part, and I've met some really nice people on there, even though I've yet to find a relationship. Recently, I "met" a girl on OkCupid. (Quotations because to say you've met someone after chatting online seems dubious.) We chatted for a while about going to see a movie, and eventually exchanged numbers. We texted some more, and she sent me some photos (same as on her OKC account) and made some suggestive comments. I played along because, well, I'm who I am, which is a 24-year-old male who's willing to just go along with things as long as it's interesting and not directly illegal or harmful (which I'm thinking is a policy I should reconsider). Then, I didn't hear from her. I sent her a message like a day later, but still didn't hear anything.
Then, a few days later, I got a call from a number in the same area code, same number family (like, the first 3 digits after the area code were the same). I answered, and it was some man demanding to know "why you're communicating with my underage daughter."
In in that instant I half freaked out and half assumed it was a scam. So I just hung up the phone. I haven't heard from him since.
To be clear: The OKCupid account was for a 26-year-old woman. I did not think I was communicating with a minor, nor did I want to be. It feels like a scam, in the sense of, offer something that really is too good to be a true (a woman on OKC who wants to go see a movie and then makes sexual comments!? Basically a black swan event), lure them in, then issue threats to get something.
But that doesn't change the fact that I'm freaking out about the idea that I was chatting an underage girl and might be in legal trouble for it. I took screenshots of the profile for evidence (in case I get arrested and the account has been taken down), but I'm still freaked out and kinda stressed out. I don't know what my question would be. Does it seem like a real thing? Do you think I'm a dipshit? Do you think I'm a dipshit who's probably going to jail? Should I contact the police?
I don't know if this falls into the subject of what you deal with, but I thought I'd send it.
Acting Without Thinking
I don't think you're a dipshit, AWT.
But I am wondering why it didn't occur to youngish you, digital native that you are, to Google "dating sites,""minor," and "scam." Because it occurred to oldish me, digital immigrant that I am, to Google that shit. And my by-no-means exhaustive/by-all-means-obvious search unearthed a dozen or more examples of scams involving people pretending to be minors on dating sites like OKCupid, including several examples that sounded exactly like the one you described: Someone "meets" a woman on a site like OKCupid, the chat quickly gets sexual, phone numbers are exchanged, dirty texts and sexts follow, the woman goes silent, a day or two later daddy calls to inform you that you've been sexting with his underage daughter and demanding money or else he'll go to the cops. Click through the example I linked, AWT, and you'll see three people who say they're lawyers (maybe they are, maybe they aren't—this is the Internet) advising the poster to ignore that call.
"There is no girl at all and there is no father," says Lawyer Paul Goodman, "just a scammer... It's all just a scam that is rampant online." (Paul has no photo and calls himself an "Internet Lawyer," which I didn't know was a thing. Still, I think his advice is solid! And it's on the Internet so it's gotta be true!)
But just to be on the safe side, AWT...
Minors aren't supposed to have accounts on OKCupid. The rules barring minors from using the service are here, the feedback form you can use to flag a suspicious account is here. If the cops come and knock on your door—which they won't—you can tell them you reported the account to OKCupid when you heard from the non-existent parents of the non-existent young lady.