I like sending myself emails throughout the day. It's nice to log in and see the highlighted number in my inbox. I'll sit for a moment before clicking on the email and imagine that it is from somebody else. Then I'll open and read it.
I write to tell myself that I'm a good person, worthy of love. I'll compliment my outfit, say my hair looks fantastic today and that my smile is glowing.
I'll tell myself that there is sunshine on the horizon, and the dark clouds of impending doom with soon dissipate. I'll tell myself that things will change, life will get better. I'll say that there will soon be day where I will be the one with a group of friends. I will be the one with the support group, with shoulders to cry on. I'll be the one that people like.
I'll email to encourage myself not to give up, to just give it just one more day. Somebody is bound to finally notice you, to want to know you. I'll say that that somebody is out there, and I just have to be patient. Don't give up, not just yet. You won't cry yourself to sleep forever, you won't wake up alone to dread the coming day. It'll change, it has to... these are the emails I send to myself.
These are the lies I tell.