Welcome back to the Walking Dead recap in which we ask, "Wait... which one is Tara?" Hit the jump for our SPOILER-FILLED remembrances of last night's episode, and then let's get to chitty-chatting!
Here's what I'm thinking about last night's episode, "Swear."
1) So apparently Tara and Heath have spent the last couple weeks (in WD years) on a road trip to look for supplies. I DON'T REMEMBER THEM EVER DOING THIS, BUT WHATEVER. What they don't know is that back at the ranch, Negan and Lucille are busting noggins and enslaving Alexandria. But instead of considering themselves lucky, Heath won't stop bitching about the lack of good supplies to be pilfered, and how killing those Saviors back at the satellite station makes him feel like a real creep. (Hopefully they'll stumble onto some Xanax because Heath is a goddamn BUZZ KILL.)
2) While checking out a bridge blockade, T & H are accosted by a bunch of zombies and Tara falls off the bridge and washes to shore just off the coast. HERE'S WHERE THE WWD WRITERS MISSED A PRIME LESBIAN LITTLE MERMAID STORY. She's rescued (but not smooched!) by a gal named Cindy, and follows her back to a hidden lesbian camp. OKAY FINE, probably not a lesbian camp. But it is populated solely by women, and I was getting heavy lesbian vibes from all of them. ANOTHER MISSED OPPORTUNITY.
3) Tara is captured and lies about who she is and where she's from. The head lesb... honcho doesn't believe it for a second, but tries to invite Tara to stay with them in their sapphic paradise. There's a hitch though! Because all their men-folk were killed by Negan—which sounds pretty uncharacteristic for him, since he needs every man he can get to join their army—they have vowed to shoot and kill any person that comes close in order to protect their secret hidey-hole. And yep, they have a LOT of guns. Cindy (or Prince Eric for those who want to continue the Little Mermaid analogy) doesn't believe in indiscriminate killing, and when some of the Amazonian guards trick Tara into going into the woods to meet a firing squad, Cindy rescues her once again! STILL NO SMOOCHING.
4) Cindy escorts Tara back to the bridge to look for the missing Heath, with Cindy making Tara swear up and down never to reveal their hiding place and sexy gun shack. Tara's like "sure, whatever," and with Cindy's help, is tossed back into the ocean of reality. Let's pause for a moment to sing "Part of Your World."
5) After finding evidence that Heath may have escaped, Tara hoofs it back to Alexandria, where—she meets Fat Elvis... who looks like someone has taken Lucille to his head. When Sgt. McSexy asks her pointedly "Did you see any guns or lesbian encampments on your journey?", Tara decides to lie, and protect Cindy's secret, and her secret cache of "gadgets and gizmos aplenty... she's got whozits and what'sits galore. You want thingamabobs? She's got twenty! But who cares? No big deal. She wants MOOOOOOOREEE!" Dear god, I love that movie.
6) And fin! So what did YOU think of that episode? For some reason I liked it, even though it was obviously a filler episode, and didn't really push forward the narrative at all (unless Tara eventually decides to spill the beans and reveal the gals' secret gun stash). And the attempts at comedy were pretty stilted, but? It was cute. And it's nice to go somewhere where a baseball bat covered with razor wire isn't hanging over your head every minute. NEXT WEEK: Karate Jesus and One-Eyed Carl's Jr.'s implements their plan to infiltrate Negan's camp! THIS WILL NOT END WELL. (Hee-hee-heeee!)
