Welcome to the calm before the storm, the last weekend before Christmas hits. Well—it's more like the storm before the storm (and after, considering some of you might still be snowed into your car or something) with a hurricane of sketch comedy goodness, Tig Notaro gifting the city with stand-up greatness, a lovely little Christmas raincloud storming down courtesy of David Bazan, a freaky visit to the Last Podcast on the Left, and an opportunity to Geek the Halls with the PDX Browncoats, come off the top rope with DOA Pro Wrestling, Rock for a Reason, and catch a screening of the best Christmas movie ever, depending on what you think that is. Hit the menu below and load your plate accordingly.
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Friday, Dec 16
Tig Notaro
Fresh off news that her critically-acclaimed semi-autobiographical Amazon Prime show, One Mississippi, was picked up for a second season, check out the smart and great Tig Notaro at Rev Hall, which added a second set due to overwhelming popularity. To prepare, check out her Grammy-nominated standup special, Live; her Emmy-nominated HBO special, Boyish Girl Interrupted; and the intense Netflix documentary, Tig. Hurry and get tickets fast. DOUG BROWN
8 pm, 10 pm, Revolution Hall, $35, all ages
The Siren Theater's Best Christmas Ever!
Somebody has to say it: Holiday spectaculars are reliably unspectacular. But not when they star the gut-busting geniuses at the Siren Theater. That’s right! Charming goofballs Jed Arkley, Janet Scanlon, and my boss, Wm. Steven Humphrey (to name just a few!) are back with an all-new sketch comedy holiday treat. Turn off Netflix’s Yule Log and get out there! MEGAN BURBANK
8 pm, The Siren Theater, $12-16
Foghorn Stringband, Kevin Burke
One of Portland’s finest musical jewels, Foghorn Stringband play a special club show tonight, bringing their old-time and bluegrass music to the sexily dim Doug Fir basement. Joining them is master Irish fiddler Kevin Burke, and seeing his traditions performed back-to-back with Foghorn’s melting pot of North American styles will show just how musically connected we all are. NED LANNAMANN
9 pm, Doug Fir, $15-20
Leonard Cohen: Live at the Isle of Wight 1970
Mississippi Records and the Hollywood Theatre come together to pay tribute to the dearly departed Leonard Cohen with a screening of this documentary capturing Cohen at the age of 35, barely awake and yet awakening the minds of everyone attending 1970's Isle of Wight festival. Proceeds benefit the ACLU and Planned Parenthood
7 pm, Hollywood Theatre, $9
Lavender Country, The Waysiders, DJ Action Slacks
Until recently, few people knew that the first openly gay country album came out of Seattle in 1973. Songwriter Patrick Haggerty’s band Lavender Country and their eponymous debut were largely lost to time before a YouTube rip of “Cryin’ These Cocksucking Tears” made it to the right ears and resulted in a 2014 reissue. The album is, in small part, the novelty record it appears to be—Haggerty’s a witty lyricist with an odd voice and a penchant for sex humor leading a ragtag band—but also deals with people being committed to asylums or killed for their sexual preferences. It’s a unique middle ground between sincerity and silliness where Haggerty (who became a lifelong political activist) voiced a radical response to the repression of the era while still having a good time. Forty years later, Lavender Country finally has the audience it deserves. JOSHUA JAMES AMBERSON
9 pm, (The World Famous) Kenton Club, $10
Ural Thomas & The Pain, The Dalhharts, DJ Callie Danger
To live in Portland and never have seen Ural Thomas and the Pain—a resurrected local treasure of soul if there ever was one—would be a shame. MARJORIE SKINNER
9 pm, The Spare Room, $10
Die Hard
Somewhere around a decade back, it became fashionable to answer "What's your favorite Christmas movie?" with "Die Hard." People would laugh and go "yeah, I guess that counts." But then—like bacon, unicorns, and LOLcats—the shit got played the fuck out, to the point where people now say "anything but fuckin'Die Hard, God! Ugh!" Here's the thing, though: no matter how many corny dipshits vomit up this title as their go-to? They ain't wrong. You could do a hell of a lot worse than arguably the single best action film ever made as your pick. So pull up a seat, kick off your shoes, and make some fists with your toes. Christmas has a machine gun. Ho-ho-ho. BOBBY ROBERTS
Laurelhurst Theater, see Movie Times for showtimes
It's a Wonderful Life
...aaaaand then there's this Christmas classic. Which is a great pick in its own right, honestly! And it becomes an even better one as the Oregon Symphony and Oregon Repertory Singers perform Dimitri Tiomkin's memorable score live from the pit while the Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed feel-good holiday classic plays out on the big screen behind them.
7:30 pm, Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, $30-115, all ages
The Way Up
Freaky Outty, DJ Solo, and Alia Lux provide a spirited mix of dancehall, soca, Afrobeat, reggae, reggaeton, and all manner of international club music. It’ll be a polyrhythmic and Caribbean-tinged departure, so come prepared to give up those gray days for a moment and add some sunshine to your night. DANIELA SERNA
9 pm, Holocene, $10
Viva's Holiday: An Opera in One Act
Last December, original opera Viva’s Holiday became a lone bloom amid the fallow field where good art goes to die during the travesty known as Holiday Theater Season. Based on the memoirs of Portland stripper/gadabout/author Viva Las Vegas, it’s a story about the stress of going home for the holidays when your family doesn’t share your values. Essential viewing in a post-Trump world. MEGAN BURBANK
9 pm, Star Theater, $25
Ciderfest
East Burn hosts a holiday cider celebration that doubles as a benefit for Toys for Tots. 15 of the regions most progressive cideries will be on hand representing their products until the cider runs dry. The $10 admission will net you 5 tasting tickets to get your sampling journey started right out the gate.
4 pm, East Burn, $10, all ages
Saturday, Dec 17
David Bazan, Advance Base
Last month Pedro the Lion frontman David Bazan released Dark Sacred Night, a compilation of his down-tempo renditions of traditional Christmas songs. These 10 mournful covers reflect the stormier emotions the holidays can inspire. Bazan coaxes the darkness out of our annual yearning for “tidings of comfort and joy,” and instead gives us relatable melancholy. It’s okay not to feel merry and bright—especially this year. CIARA DOLAN
8 pm, Revolution Hall, $20, all ages
Last Podcast on the Left
A special live taping of the weekly podcast that explores horrors of the world—both imagined and real. Hosted by Ben Kissel, Henry Zebrowski, and Marcus Parks.
5 pm, 9 pm, Mississippi Studios, $20
Tender Loving Empire Winter Formal
Dress to impress and head over the the Alberta Abby for Tender Loving Empire's annual winter formal. TLE's set up a photo booth for the occasion, and Portland’s premier cumbia band will be on hand to make you shake body parts you didn’t even know you had.
8 pm, Alberta Abbey, $10-20
Action Movie Metal Night: Vigilante Street Justice Edition
The 7th installment of Action Movie Metal Night features a slew of local and touring metal acts shredding the night away while Death Wish2, 3, 4, and the 1989 Punisher starring Dolph Lundgren play out behind them.
9 pm, High Water Mark, $8
A Christmas Story
It’s the holiday classic that just won’t go away! SEE! A shitty little kid rip his tongue raw on an icy pole! HEAR! The glorious collection of syllables that is “Scut Farkus.” WINCE! At that super-racist scene where they go to the Chinese restaurant! CHEER! As Santa kicks a little kid in the face! Merry Christmas, everyone! BOBBY ROBERTS
Mission Theater, see Movie Times for showtimes, $2
Red Fang, Torche, Whore
Thrash the night away with a beer-soaked set from Portland heavy metal institution, Red Fang, who headline the Wonder in support of their new full-length, Only Ghosts.
9 pm, Wonder Ballroom, $23-25
Geek the Halls
No power in the 'verse could stop the PDX Browncoats from hosting yet another one of their shiny holiday craft fairs, with over 50 local makers and vendors offering up a wide array of geek-friendly gifts for you and your loved ones.
10 am, Doubletree Hotel (Lloyd Center), free
The David Liebe Hart Holiday Extravaganza
A special one-off holiday show with the 61-year-old musician and puppeteer best known for his beloved appearances on Adult Swim's Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! David will be performing traditional Christmas classics, as well as debuting some new spiritual material. Lily Sheers and James Curry IV provide support, and attendees are encouraged to come dressed in their most festive holiday garb.
6:30 pm, Velo Cult, $10-20, all ages
I'm Glad It's You, Hemingway, Lubec, Glacier Veins
I've raved about Hemingway before in the All-Ages Action! column, but I don't mind repeating myself: The group's debut Pretend to Care is an extremely solid debut that brings to mind the poppier hemisphere of the '90s emo oeuvre (specifically Weezer's Pinkerton, Knapsack, and the Promise Ring records Nothing Feels Good and Very Emergency). MORGAN TROPER
7 pm, Black Water Bar, $5, all ages
The Portland Bazaar
One of the biggest and best opportunities to shop local for the holiday season, with vendors including Wood & Faulk, Hand-Eye Supply, The Granite, Imaginary Authors, MadeHere PDX, Bridge & Burn, and many more.
10 am, The North Warehouse, free
DOA Pro Wrestling: 'Twas the Fight Before Christmas
DOA Pro Wrestling invites you to get in the holiday sprit with a night of bouts culminating in a DOA Grand Championship title fight between current DOA Grand Champion Ethan HD and Hardcore Legend Dr. Luther.
6 pm, Wattles Boys & Girls Club, $8-15, all ages
Your Fault for Listening
A live recording of the local interview show that's also a comedy podcast, with special guests Mohanad Elshieky, Neeraj Srinivasan, and Ali Reingold.
7:30 pm, Ford Food & Drink, free
Sunday, Dec 17
Rock for a Reason Holiday Toy Drive
The fourth annual Rock for a Reason Holiday Toy Drive gives you the opportunity to party down to with some of the city's best whiskey-soaked country, dusty Americana, and foot-stomping bluegrass acts, all while supporting a great cause. Just bring one new unwrapped toy and enjoy the show!
8 pm, Doug Fir, $10
Breakfast with Santa
The Crystal Ballroom's Breakfast with Santa lets you and your family skip the mall and department store lines, giving you the chance to relax and enjoy a buffet style breakfast and house roasted coffee while waiting for a turn with Santa.
8:30 am, 11 am, Crystal Ballroom, $13-18, all ages
Moon By You, Weeed, Reptaliens
With soul-skewed rock as their thrust, multi-instrumental quintet Moon By You matches the shimmer of their glittery outfits with an impressive cavalcade of sounds, like a Shangri-Las acid trip or a time-travel to a free Jefferson Airplane gig in Golden Gate Park, replete with onstage dancers and the unassuming energy from frontwoman Sarah Kue. RYAN J. PRADO
9 pm, Mississippi Studios, $5
Mic Capes, Brown Alice, Ellis Pink, DJ Fritzwa
Any chance you get to see Mic Capes perform for free, YOU GO. It’s become pretty clear he’s going places, so you may as well enjoy him live while he’s cheap. For the lucky souls who do show up, you’re gonna hear these “Razor Tongue” bars loud and clear. JENNI MOORE
8:30 pm, Holocene, free
It's a Tony Starlight Christmas!
If you like your holiday swinging with a dose of cocktails, check out It's a Tony Starlight Christmas, in which Portland's fave crooner is joined by a rat pack of talented singers to perform classic holiday hits (and comedy) in the style of Frank, Dino, Liza, Bing, and more. WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY
6 pm, The Tony Starlight Showroom, $25-69
Posada Milagro
A combination of Christmas play, holiday market, and activity center, featuring folkloric dances, storytelling and crafting for children, pinatas and traditional foods, and much more.
1 pm, Miracle Theatre, free, all ages
Peacock Lane
SCARF UP, MOTHERFUCKERS! It's time to get your eggnog-loving ass to Peacock Lane, which starting TONIGHT will blaze and burn with SO MUCH GODDAMN CHRISTMAS CHEER that your eyes will shoot out jets of scalding-hot mulled wine! For over 80 years, the residents of Peacock Lane have gone bugfuck shitcrazy with Christmas lights—and my sources on the Lane are whispering that this year is gonna be a particularly mind-blowing orgasm of electric insanity! Will there be a hot cocoa booth? FUCKING OF COURSE THERE WILL BE, AND I'M GOING TO DRINK ALL OF IT. ERIK HENRIKSEN
6 pm, Peacock Lane, free, all ages
Don't forget to check out our Things To Do calendar for even more things to do!