Earlier this month, we recorded our Savage Lovecast Christmas Spectacular live at Revolution Hall in Portland, Oregon. The audience submitted questions on tiny cards before the show, which allowed questioners to remain anonymous and forced them to be succinct. More questions were submitted than my guests and I could get to, so I promised the crowd I would answer as many of their unanswered questions as I could in this week's column. Here we go...
I’ve heardso manyhorror stories and seen countless X-rays online—any tipsfor making sure I don't lose any objects inmy ass?
You know what you never see in those X-rays? Butt plugs and other toys designed for butt play. Stick to butt plugs with flared bases, dildos with bases that look like balls, orange traffic cones, etc., and you'll be fine.
How common is itreally for womento squirt? I get conflicting reports.
This answer, courtesy of the Kinsey Institute, isn't likely to satisfy you: "Somewhere from 10 to 54 percent of women experience some type of fluid expulsion in tandem with sexual arousal and orgasm." Maybe the incoming Trump administration can put the scientists they're pulling off climate change onto female ejaculation and we'll have better numbers before the 2018 midterm elections.
How do Igetmy partner—who says he's into it—to top me"properly," i.e., work me into a sub space insteadof him just melting into an ooey-gooey love ball?
There are lots of terrific pro doms in Portland, Oregon. Hire one who's up for showing your partner what proper topping looks like.
Trans man and cis female,happily married, planningto get pregnant in the next five months. How dowe break it to my wife's family? Half ofthem don't know I'm trans and will becarrying, and we don't want to lie, but alsowe don't want them to see us as anything otherthan just a couple.
Telling your partner’s family you're trans isn't going to decouple you. You'll still be "just a couple," it's just that one of you is trans. Since you're not going to be able to hide which one of you is pregnant—not in the Twitter/Instagram/Facebook era—the sooner you tell them, the sooner they'll have their freak-outs, and the sooner they'll return to seeing you as the couple you always were and still are.
My partner/husbandof 40 years says Istill embarrass him. Is this unusual?
If he says it affectionately and occasionally, it's not a problem and it's not unusual. If he says it to degrade/humiliate/control you, it's a problem and it's unacceptable.
How do whitepeopletalk to black people about Donald Trump?
Fifty-eight percent of white people voted for Trump, and 8 percent of black people voted for Trump. So yeah, maybe instead of talking to black people about Trump, white people should shut up and listen to black people instead?
“Hall passes”don'twork for many women because they can't orgasm whenhaving random sex once with a random guy. What alternativewould you recommend?
Where is it written on your hall pass—or anyone else's—that it can be used only with complete strangers? Nowhere, that's where.
How do youpropose afoursome with your longtime friends without freaking them out orruining the friendship?
Not proposing the foursome is the only way to avoid potentially freaking your friends out and ruining the friendship.
How do youdecide who wins an argumentin a same-sex relationship?
A sudden-death round of GoldenGirls trivia.
I’m in aFMF poly triad,and I'm looking to incorporateanother guy into the mix. I'd look online, butI'm a public-school teacher in a small town.How do I find someone without outing myself and riskingmy career?
Ask your partners to do the headhunting.
Ifyou’re marriedand in an open relationship, do youneed to include that info in your Tinder profile? Orcan you wait until later?
You should include/disclose that info in your profile (best practice), but many similarly situated men choose to wait until later (understandable practice, considering the stigma). But the existence of a spouse must be disclosed sometime between the end of the first text exchange and the start of the first blowjob.
My wife goeson long runs withher girlfriend. I'm sure they are having sex inthe woods. I'm jealous because I'm not gettingenough. What should I do?
Get your own "running" partner.
I’m four months pregnant.My husband won't stoptalking about how excited he is to taste my breastmilk. I said he could try it from a bottle, buthe wants it from the source. I want to beGGG, but this weirds me out.
Tell your husband you're going to table this topic for the time being. It's possible you'll be less weirded out by the idea once you're actually breast-feeding, or the opposite is also a possibility. But pestering you about it for the next five months isn't going to increase his chances of getting it from the source—quite the opposite. (And for the record: You can be GGG and still have hard limits/absolutely nots.)
I’m a 25-year-old gay manwho doesn't resonate with hookup culture. If I'm not comfortablefucking right away, how can I compete/find a partner?
I get your question all the time—which means you're not alone. Be up front about what you are willing to do (fuck after a getting-to-know-you date or two) and what you are not willing to do (fuck after a "sup?" or two), and you'll scare off the wrong-for-you boys and attract the right-for-you boys.
I’m too broken.Idon't know where to start.
Therapy.
Not a question,but a thank-you for helping me to undo my "Utah damage." Grateful for you, Dan! Merry Xmas!
You’re welcome, former Utahan, a belated Merry Xmess to you, and a happy/watchful/politically-engaged/join-the-resistance New Year to all!
On the Lovecast, Dan Savage and the brilliant Randy Rainbow: savagelovecast.com.
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