Portland: you have your mission. Take this last weekend of 2016, and find a measure of joy within it. Celebrate that joy as strongly and as purely as you can. You may not be able to salvage the entire year in a single weekend, and it'd be silly to even try (even in a year that wasn't this one,) but you can at least make some memories worth celebrating for the rest of your life—provided you don't go too hard in the paint. It's not just a full menu of entertainment awaiting you below—it's a calendar full of catharsis at your fingertips. Load your plate as full as you can make it, and dig in.
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Friday, Dec 30
Black Sabbitch
The molten slabs of Black Sabbath’s doomy, stoned-out riffs will always ring eternal, and there’s never a bad time to pay them tribute. So it’s a good thing that tonight a quartet of LA women who call themselves Black Sabbitch performs the choices cuts from Sabbath’s peerless catalog, making short work of high-volume classics like “War Pigs” and “Snowblind.” NED LANNAMANN
9:30 pm, Dante's, $10
Trans-Siberian Orchestra
Yes, I know, they're cheesy in the extreme and not even actually from Siberia, but Trans-Siberian Orchestra's jolly blend of electric-guitar shredding and Christmas music is like the flu: It comes around every year and it's extremely catchy. JOSEPH SCHAFER
3:30 pm, 8 pm, Moda Center, $45-76
Ode to Joy: New Year's Celebration
There are alternatives to drinking your face off and grinding your way into 2017. There’s Beethoven, for instance, and the Oregon Symphony will mount his grandest work, the Ninth Symphony, for two performances on December 30 and 31, offering a high-class way to leave the fetid ruin of ’16 behind. The celebration kicks off with big-band renditions arranged by the late Oregon Symphony Pops conductor Norman Leyden to get you in the mood. Then, as midnight approaches, the strains of Ludwig Van fill the Schnitzer Concert Hall, as the Symphony tackles his epic work of despair sublimated into humanistic hope. The symphony concludes with the choir singing the triumphant “Ode to Joy” anthem, so if the champagne bottle and the dance floor don’t appeal this New Year’s, the Oregon Symphony has got your back. NED LANNAMANN
Dec 30-31, 7:30 pm, Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, $45-150
Vote for Dancing Night 1: Beats Antique, Thriftworks, High Step Society, Barisone, SOLOVOX, El Papachango
Night 1 of "Vote for Dancing" features pre-New Year's Eve sets from Beats Antique, Thriftworks, High Step Society, Barisone, SOLOVOX, and El Papachango.
9 pm, Roseland, $31
New Year's Eve (Eve) Record and Clothes Swap
Celebrate New Year's Eve (Eve) with the inaugural installment of Pressure and Slide's monthly Record and Clothes swap meet. Browse vintage wares from 5pm - 8pm before getting down to an evening of reggae, soul, and rocksteady served up by DJs El Pan Pan, Bobby Terrell, DJ Mafia, Michael Chritzberg, Jay Hanson, and A-Train.
5 pm, The Liquor Store
Go Fuck Yourself 2016: The Chicharones, Bad Habitat, Don Rahim Thornhill
Hometown hiphop heroes the Chicharones never fail to deliver an amazing live show, which must truly be seen to be believed. A healthy dose of humor combined with costumes, dance moves, and a tight backing band once led Spin magazine to dub them "the Best Bar Band in America." RYAN FEIGH
9 pm, Kelly's Olympian, $5
I'm Gucci Party
A blend of stand-up comedy and quality hip-hop, featuring Fidel Cashflow dropping in to sprinkle some of his mixtape magic alongside performers like Nic B, SOPMG, Ben Yamin, and more.
7 pm, Clinton Street Theater
Humours, Hair Puller, Maximum Mad
A show dedicated to letting some of the Pacific Northwest's loudest, heaviest bands kick your eardrums in, with proceeds benefitting the Southern Poverty Law Center.
8 pm, Turn! Turn! Turn!, $5-10
Comedy Night at Al's Den
Join hosts Jon Washington and Whitney Streed for an evening of stand-up with an ever-changing selection of local talent.
10:30 pm, Al's Den, free
New Year's Eve!
New Year's Eve!
This New Year’s Eve is ripe with unique potential. It’s teetering between 2016, which many are eulogizing as the worst year ever, and 2017, which is already a likely challenger for this title. But none of that matters tonight—let’s wiggle our bums and grind up on the void. CIARA DOLAN
Various Locations, see the New Year's Eve Guide for our picks!
New Year's Day!
Henry Rollins
The punk rock legend turned writer, actor, motivational speaker, television and radio host, spoken word artist, comedian, and activist makes a New Year's Day appearance at Revolution Hall.
8 pm, Revolution Hall, $30
New Year's Day Hong Kong-a-Thon
New Year's Day is important: How you spend this day determines how you will spend the entirety of the coming year. It's the law! So start 2017 off right with the New Year's Day Hong Kong-a-Thon, a mind-blowing triple feature of Hong Kong action classics—all on 35mm! First up is Bruce Lee's still-amazing Enter the Dragon. Next up is the surreal, ultra-violent cult fave Riki Oh: The Story of Ricky. And to close things out? John Woo's unfuckwithable landmark of action cinema, The Killer (1989), starring Chow Yun-Fat! ERIK HENRIKSEN
2 pm, Hollywood Theatre, $12
Tribal Seeds
The San Diego-hailing 6-piece spread their reggae rock vibes around the Wonder on the Portland stop of their "Winter Roots Tour."
8:30 pm, Wonder Ballroom, $10-20
The Wizard of Oz
NW Children's Theatre presents Harold Arlen and E.Y. Harburg's adaptation of the 1939 film, with all the munchkins, flying monkeys, silly songs and Lollipop Guilds you remember.
12 pm, 4;30 pm, Northwest Children's Theater & School, $18-25, all ages
Barret C. Stolte, Shootdang, Audrey Rose, Wes Nile, Hell on Wheels
A night dedicated to welcoming the new year via an eclectic and talented troupe of local musicians, doing their part to make 2017 start a little better than 2016 ended.
8 pm, Ash Street Saloon, $3
Don't forget to check out our Things To Do calendar for even more things to do!