Okay, listen up, dick bones! Today we rightfully bow down to one of the truly great actors of our time, Matthew Motherfreaking McConaughey! Now, you might be wondering: (1) Why I'm asking you to bow down while you're wearing your best pants, and (2) why I'm hurting your feelings by calling you a "dick bone." IT'S BECAUSE I FREAKING LOVE MATTHEW MOTHERFREAKING McCONAUGHEY, AND BY THE END OF THIS COLUMN YOU'LL LOVE HIM TOO RAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!
What follows are four perfect reasons why Matthew Motherfreaking McConaughey is the bee's balls...