Okay, answer me this: Who's ever been to a hospital, AND watched last night's episode of The Walking Dead? If the answer is yes, yes, and/or I don't care, then hit the jump for my spoiler-filled recap of last night's episode! It's the Walking Dead Chitty-Chat Club, y'all! LET'S GET CHITTY-CHATTING!
RECAP AFTER THE JUMP!
Here's what I'm thinking about last night's episode, "Slabtown."(At first I thought they said "Stumptown" which made me have a Pavlovian response to get insulted by a barista.)
1) Farmer McDrunky's daughter Beth—who has been missing since leaving Daryl in the lurch... or maybe kidnapped?—wakes up to find herself locked in a hospital room in post-apocalyptic Atlanta. (Trust me... Atlanta's not that fun to visit even pre-apocalyptic.) The door swings open and it's a doctor that looks just like Neil Patrick-Harris and a cop who looks like Carla Gugino—but neither are as sexy. In fact, the first words that pops out of cop's mouth is "YOU OWE US FOR SAVING YOUR LIFE." Oh, great. Another person who doesn't believe in Obama Care.
2) Beth is immediately put to work, and learns that "because of lack of resources" all the patients become indentured servants—but will be released as soon after they work off their debt… which even stupid Beth knows is a bunch of BA-LONEY. Oh, and "indentured servitude" also means being forced to lick a lollipop in front of Officer McRapey—who should really have an Officer McRapey name tag, since he's so obviously rapey.
3) Then Beth meets the guy who used to be in that really good sitcom Everybody Hates Chris, who's a patient/slave, too. He shows her how to dump dead bodies down the elevator shaft, and warns her that the bosses thrive on "weak people." (Beth should have a name tag that reads, "Weak People.") Another patient—the presumed sex slave of Officer McRapey—tries to escape and has her arm hacked off for her trouble. Meanwhile, Dr. Neil Patrick Harris seems like he's on Beth's side... until he tells her to inject a patient (a competing doctor, btw) with poison, so she'll have to take the fall. Everybody Hates Chris takes the blame for Beth, and gets his ass beaten off by Dr. Carla Gugino... who loves slapping Beth at every opportunity. (That's one of the more likable aspects of this character.)
4) ANYWAY! We all know where this is heading right? We knew it from the moment Dr. Carla walked into Beth's room: Officer McRapey tries to McRapey Beth, but the amputated arm patient turns into a zombie and rips him apart, which gives Beth and Everybody Hates Chris the opportunity to escape down the walker-filled elevator shaft. Everybody Hates Chris escapes, though Beth is captured and returned to the hospital... where she sees that CAROL is the latest patient to be taken in! (I hope she remembered to bring her insurance card!)
5) KER-SNOOOOOOOZE! Dear god, that was a boring episode. Even seeing a McRapist get his ass eaten off wasn't enough to save this one... and even worse? Beth didn't escape, which means we'll have to return to Slavedriver Memorial Hospital for yet another booooooring episode. On the upside? Next week we get to join Glenn, Maggie, G.I. GInger, and Sgt. McSexy on their short bus road trip to Washington! (Don't forget to stop at 7-11 for Caravelle bars and Corn Nuts!)
6) Oh, and as always your comments are welcome in the comments. SEE YA NEXT WEEK! (I'll leave you with the best Walking Dead tweet of the week.)
Pretty soon, Beth is going to look like Sally. #TheWalkingDeadpic.twitter.com/zUWyDKQ09Y
— Carsen (@KRockCarsen) November 3, 2014