WEDNESDAY, JUNE 15
Now we turn to a question that's kept us up at night: When will Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston do the sexing? We finally have the answer: They are! Right now!"Tinker Taylor Snogs a Spy," reads the perfect headline from Brit tabloid the Sun. "The 26-year-old superstar singer has moved on to The Night Manager actor, who is 35, just two weeks after dumping Scottish DJ Calvin Harris. The pair... locked lips during a romantic day out on a beach in the US state of Rhode Island." Well, that's delightful, and congrats to two of the world's most beautiful people finally realizing they should be doing the sexing with each other. Also, congrats to the garbage state of Rhode Island, which, for the first time in its crappy existence, has been mentioned in the same sentence as "romantic." Everybody wins!
THURSDAY, JUNE 16
Today revealed even more delish gossip regarding Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston's hot make-out sesh in (ugh) Rhode Island. Soon after the Sun posted pictures of the tongue-wrasslin' tourney on the internet, former heartthrob Calvin Harris saw them—and reportedly went WAH-WAH-WAH, according to TMZ. A source told the site that Calvin is "pissed and feels betrayed by her." And to prove his intense displeasure, he unleashed the millennial's most potent revenge tactic: He unfollowed her on social media!NO, CALVIN, NO!!! ANYTHING BUT THAT!!! The gossip site also reported that Tay-Tay dumped Cal-Cal over the phone-phone—which ironically was the same way Taylor was dumped by former love Joe Jonas way back in 2008. (Sadly for Calvin, he doesn't have the musical chops to write a devastating revenge song à la Taylor—but he CAN continue to sign up for various social media platforms, follow her, and then unfollow her! So there's that?)