GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Oh, it's a yum-yummy world made for sweethearts. Take a walk with your favorite girl. LET'S GO TO PRESS.
An eight-year-old suffered minor injuries from a gunshot wound during a possible road rage incident on I-84. The alleged asshole shooter was caught and arrested, so fuck him.
The bank robber known as the "Harry Potter Bandit" has been arrested—though he looks more like the "Edward Snowden Bandit" to me.
A report from Harvard Law School has found that most of Oregon's death row inmatessuffer from mental impairment.
Today in OH NO HE DIDN'T:
DeMarcus Cousins spits mouthpiece out at Blazers bench following AND 1 https://t.co/FkbzZITP1a
— Rob Perez (@World_Wide_Wob) December 21, 2016
President Obama makes a last-minute executive decision to ban oil and gas drilling in US waters in the Arctic and Atlantic.
Authorities across Europe are searching for a Tunisian man with ties to Islamic extremism for Monday's attack on a Berlin Christmas market.
Twitter went into brain-melt mode when Bill O'Reilly took the brave stance of defending "white privilege."

A witness says that one of Uber's self-driving cars ran a red light in San Francisco, narrowly avoiding an accident.
Actor/comedian Tom Arnold claims to have a tape from The Apprentice featuring Donald Trump using racist language, obscenities, and calling his son something that's not very nice. Arnold says he can't release it because of a confidentiality clause.
Activists are opening a protest headquarters in Washington, DC to quickly mobilize demonstrations against Trump.
Today in WEATHER: A mostly sunny day with a high of 44.
And finally, this guy tries to play golf on an ice-covered lake—and it goes about as well as you would expect.