Halloween! For me, it means two things: My quacky doctor nagging me about adult-onset diabetes (it probably doesn't help to visit the doc with a mouth full of candy corn), and choosing a SAXY, SAXY Halloween costume. Ridiculously, women have the most choices when it comes to SAXY costumes. Here are but a few that are currently and actually on sale: saxy cop, saxy pizza, saxy Minnie Mouse, saxy stick of gum, saxy Pikachu, saxy sailor, saxy Coca-Cola can, saxy prison guard, saxy cheetah, saxy Osama bin Laden (I AM NOT KIDDING!!!), saxy mouse, saxy SpongeBob SquarePants, saxy Native American, saxy Ernie and saxy Bert. (I couldn't find a saxy Islamic State costume—but we both know it's there, don't we??)
Conversely, saxy Halloween costumes for dudes are few and far between—though just as idiotic. For example (and once again, these are absolutely real): saxy pirate, saxy firefighter, saxy gas pump (use your imagination), saxy cobra charmer (use your imagination), saxy shirtless guy with plaid shorts and a huge fake dong (no need to use your imagination), and saxy penis. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THIS. Where are the legitimately saxy costumes that do not involve me dressing up as a fake and vastly inferior version of my own dong??
CONTINUE READING FOR PERFECT* HALLOWEEN COSTUME IDEAS!>>>>>
(*not perfect)